(Closed) Why is FI acting like this…

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

YIKES

There are only 2 reasons that I know of why men treat women this way –  they are cheating, or they are abusive.

This is NOT normal. Do not let him convince you this is normal in any way, shape, or form.

Please seek counseling for both of you immediately.  If he is not willing to speak to a therapist about this, RUN.

 

Post # 33
Member
15192 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Facebook imo is such a sillly superficial thing.  If he’s getting that mad about something so silly, what does he do about any male friends you have?

Post # 34
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

oh dear. my Fi kinda got like that for a min after we got engaged. i was like oh hell to the no, Im not putting up with that unacceptable behavior. I was nice about it but firm. We had a lot of talks about it, the difference is, my Fiance saw how wrong he was and we identified the core issue and how to deal with it in the future and kept at it. I agree that after an engagement you should be closer and more secure with your partner.

Post # 35
Member
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@chesseplease:

sweetheart, please listen to yourself… you are rationalizing his behavior, but you wouldn’t have posted this if you didn’t know deep down that its very, very wrong. Getting angry with you for smiling at a total stranger and making you feel guilty for having male friends on facebook IS emotioanlly abusive.

Post # 36
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

doesn’t “let” you  have guy friends on fb? red flag 🙁 he has some insecurity issues possibly.

Post # 37
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

View original reply
@chesseplease: Then talk to him hun.  Ask.  Tell him, “hun, I was really surprised when you got mad over adding so and so on facebook.  Then when you got mad at the movie theatre, it was very unlike you.  Are you ok?  Is there something going on to make you upset?” 

See how that goes.  I am a firm believer that you need to talk and work things through and see what the root issue is.  Good communication goes both ways, and he’s obviously not communicating his true emotions or whatever to you either.

Post # 38
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

View original reply
@chesseplease: I don’t want you to feel ganged up on, but a lot of us have come from previous relationships with men that have treated us the way that your SO is acting and people just are concerned about your well being. We don’t know your whole situation, only what you posted, and just that alone is a red flag to many. You have gotten some really good advice about addressing your fiance about his behavior. If that doesn’t work out for you, please have an alternative plan. I hope everything works out for you.

Post # 40
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@ chesseplease

I was going through some of your older threads.. and please do not take this the wrong way, but In My Humble Opinion I think the two of you should go to couples councling. You posts are mostly about you two fighting, being called names or ignoring the other, now this….

I do not know you, but we olny know what you tell us, and what you have been telling us…. is… interesting… to say the least.

Post # 41
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry but I think you’re making excuses for him. The behaviour you described is not okay. Its very controlling and sends up huge red flags. And to be completely honeslty, I looked at your old posts and it seems like there is a lot of concerns with your and Fiance relationship. I’m not here to judge anyone elses relationship but I just hope you can take an objective look at your relationship and really evaluate how you are treated.

Post # 42
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@chesseplease: getting mad at you for smiling at someone is ridiculous. I know right now your looking for ways to justify the behavior, saying he’s not a bad guy. But please don’t throw what has happened under the rug. You don’t want to be married with children in a few years realizing that you saw the signs and you just didn’t want to deal with it.

My sis is 19 and she’s in a similar boat. I hate that she is letting her boyfriend treat her like a child. Please for your future and safety, be aware of the signs now!

Post # 43
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I saw a previous post where your Fiance was cheating on you. He is NOT a good guy, no matter which way you spin it.

“i left my So for 2 months and that rlly hit him hard. even tho he didnt have a relationship with her just kissed her i had to go hard.”

I would not be surprised if there was more infidelity going on again with how he is acting.

Post # 44
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
@chesseplease: It’s not your wording choice that is upsetting all the bees, its the behaviour your describing. I really don’t care if he’s “not a bad guy”. The behaviour is totally unacceptable and it scares me that you excusing it away. 

If you don’t want to hear our advice about it, discuss this behaviour with your real life best friends… I have a feeling they will have the same reaction we have and hopefully will have the ballz to give you hard-to-hear advice. 

He has no right to be made about you having a male fb friend, because he has no right to dictate that. The underlying jealousy NEEDS to be addressed right now.

 

Post # 45
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Double Post

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