Is my friend abusing my help?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
462 posts
Helper bee

Yes, she’s abusing your help. But also what you are describing is not tutoring, it’s cheating. 

Post # 4
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

She needs to learn English before she tries to go to school in English. Your doing her work for her has got to stop before you both get expelled.

Post # 6
Member
5856 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t think it’s rude to call someone on the weekend. Most people who do tutoring tend to do it outside of normal working hours so it doesn’t seem weird to ask for an extra session on a Saturday. I have never beard someone having such extreme views of weekends and “never contacting someone on a weekend unless it was the end of the world”.

That said you obviously don’t “have to” go over on a weekend and you don’t “have to” do all the other things you’ve listed. if the workload is too high and the pay too low then you have to be the one to stand up for yourself and say no.

Post # 8
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Dragging her through school is not your job. It is also no help to her in the long run. This is abuse of tutoring if she pays you and abuse of “friendship” if she doesn’t. Cut her loose.

Post # 10
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Don’t be nice; be clear. “This doesn’t work for me anymore.” “This isn’t helping either of us.” Just pick a clear phrase that says you’re not doing this anymore, and repeat it until you leave. You can add that you’re sorry and refer her to a real language school if you feel generous.

Yes, she will cry. Manipulating you into going to college for her is the only tool she thinks she has. She will either find someone else to take over for you or, with luck, actually go learn English and start over on her own.

Post # 12
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

One of my teachers used to call her tactic “beat ’em to death with your sensitivity.” It sucks. You are being exploited and manipulated.

No, it won’t be an enjoyble conversation. However, it will set you free.

Post # 13
Member
998 posts
Busy bee

You can’t control how your friend responds to you saying no. The only person you are responsible for your is yourself and the choice you have to make here is whether you are willing to stay on this path or whether you are done with doing her work for her. How she responds is her choice and hers alone. 

Post # 14
Member
5230 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s incredibly dishonest of her to have you do her work. My daughter’s school had an honor code they took very seriously. Doing her work for her is also a violation and If this came out she (and you) could get expelled. She’s totally taking advantage of your sympathy for her situation and you’ve allowed it to this point. Put your foot down…way down.

Post # 15
Hostess
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’d check your school’s honor code. At my college or law school, you’d BOTH be in serious trouble. What you’re doing is way beyond tutoring. 

And although you may feel like you’ve been manipulated into this position, you are responsible for your actions. 

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