(Closed) Is my future marriage doomed?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

What does he say when you talk to him about it?  

Post # 4
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Do the poor guy a favor and don’t marry him. Obviously rough sex means alot to you to the point that you have thought about cheating. He obviously adores you and dosn’t consider rough sex that important. Let him find someone that is truly happy with him.

Marriage dosn’t change things by the way. You are marrying a person for who they are, not what you want them to be.

Post # 5
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t know if doomed is the right word, but it could most definitely cause some major problems down the road. The fact that you always perform oral on him and he never reciprocates is not the greatest thing – it should be a two way street. And if you’ve been faking orgasms, he probably has no idea that what’s he doing really isn’t working. Have you actually sat him down and talked to him about this? More than just saying you were worried. As uncomfortable as it may be, he needs to know how exactly how unhappy you are. It’s normal for a couple’s sex life to have its highs and lows, but it sounds like he has no intention of revving it up again. If he truly has no interest in sex, maybe you guys should have a serious conversation if this is really a sustainable life-long relationship.

Post # 6
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

To some people, this wouldnt’ be an issue. But to you, it clearly is. Just because you fit together in every other way, doesn’t mean that you are right for each other. This is a major piece of the puzzle for you. (Not for everyone, but for me, too!) and if it’s not fitting, then it’s not fitting. I could not live the rest of my life the way you’re describing. No way, no how. You have to figure out if you can. And from the sounds of it, it appears that you can’t.

Post # 8
Member
1642 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m of the belief that sex is important enough in a marriage that it needs to be resolved, not brushed over. You don’t necessarily have to be on the exact same page as far as sex goes (most people are willing to bend a little to accomodate the other partner), but you DO at least have to be in the same book.

About letting himself go? That wouldn’t bother me so much as him (seemingly) blowing off your concerns.

I would be concerned that he is unwilling to hear out your worries and address them constructively….especially if it is concerning something that is crucial to your happiness.

Sex therapist?

Post # 9
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is a difficult situation to be in.  I don’t think at this time marriage is the best idea….each person may prioritize sex differently, but partners need to be on a similar page on this issue.  If your sexual relationship is important to you, he needs to understand that and be willing to compromise to a degree that he’s comfortable with.  To determine whether that’s even happending will require a lot of very honest, open dialogue that may be best achieved with the help of a therapist, either for “relationship” issues or “sexual” issues (although it’s all tied up together).

Post # 11
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

As you grow in a relationship, the sex isn’t what it always used to be all the time.  Sorry to be blunt, but it’s true.  Other responsibilities (work, travel, kids, etc) become priority and you both people have to work hard at it.  Communication is number 1. Tell him that you need this in the relationship and share how it makes you feel.  Start by planning surprise dates, etc and work on the romance that way which ultimately may lead to more creativity.  

Maybe the rough, tough sex is something that you and he feels uncomfortable with. Is there a way to meet in the middle?  Talk to him about it.  If you can’t compromise, then you need to think what it means long term.  No one should live unhappy or with regrets.  Good luck, you can do it!

Post # 12
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@RP7:  I realize my computer is adding addtl words.  I meant ‘he may feel uncomfortable..’ 🙂

Post # 13
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@anonaccount:  I see a few problems here that are more than just the sex issue.  That he said he was afraid you would hurt him, and that that made you feel fat (when you are NOT), means he is really insecure about SOMETHING and is taking it out on you, trying to make you feel bad.  Also, the fact that he is not taking care of himself and that he has gained weight.  I have no idea how to bring stuff like this up, cause guys are so sensitive and defensive.  

Post # 15
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@anonaccount:  My fiance doesn’t like when I do any of that, because he thinks it’s forced.  He likes when it’s a surprise, like I’m wearing something fancy under my normal clothes.  Not that they’re the same guy, but it could be that yours thinks it’s too forced or an act when you do that.  

 

Post # 16
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Cady:   What she said.

He already knows you think he’s not enough for you in bed.  Don’t cheat on him, just let him go.

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