- 6 years ago
Hi Bees! i can’t believe I’m finally getting the courage to write this, I had to actually create a fake account because I’m so embarrassed. I’m terrified of getting married. Why? Because I feel like I will doom myself to a lifetime of bad sex.
My Fiance is a wonderful man, he’s kind, generous, and loving. There’s no man out there that I enjoy spending my time with more. I really truly do love him and I know I’m lucky to have him. We have no problem holding hands, kissing, etc. All of our friends think we are awesome together. There’s just one small problem…our sex life has become devastatingly dull. It was never brilliant but in the past 3 years it’s really fizzled.
When we first got together, I had come out of a relationship that was heavy on rough sex. The ex-bf was an asshole but he awakened my sexuality and I realized that I was really into choking, slapping, being tied up, etc. I have never hidden that i like this from my Fiance and let him know when we first met that I needed that to get me off. In the beginning, we did enjoy some sex that was like that. But it stopped.
Our sex life in the past two years has been the same position (I’m not even kidding) with the same exact foreplay. I have tried everything to spice things up. I have guided his hand to where it needs to go and he’ll go right back to what he was doing if I let go. He has never gone down on me, even though he says he used to do it with other girls (I always give him oral). I suggested other positions but he says he likes doggy-style because it’s comfortable. His rhythm is terrible. And he’s not really taking care of himself so he’s super hairy because he won’t shave and has gained about 20 lbs since we met.
It’s starting to really make me feel bad about myself, like why won’t be put in the effort for me when I put the effort in for him. He’s not a tall guy (5’8) and at my height (5’5) I feel like I’m too big for him. I once tried to get on top of him and he said that he was afraid that I would hurt him. I’m 115 lbs and for the first time in my life I felt fat, even though he’s technically the one that’s overweight. Some of his friends have even noted that we’re like “beauty and the beast”, which upsets me. I have tried lingerie, dirty texts, even telling him that I was worried about our sex life. His response? He said that he put on an act when we first met because he wanted to please me, that he just likes regular sex (which I do too once in a while). I felt cheated because I truly feel like sex is integral to a relationship. I’m not the completely innocent party either, I don’t want to hurt my Fiance so I’ve been faking orgasms for the past 2.5 years.
Bees, I’m avoiding wedding planning now because I am scared that I will ruin my future marriage if we can’t work this out. We go out and I get hit on by lots of guys and I’m starting to think about cheating just to fill the sexual void in my life. I’m not looking for an affair or any emotional connection, I just want a guy to throw me down and F***K me. I want to feel sexy again.
I really don’t know what to do. Any advice?