(Closed) Is my future marriage doomed?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Midland, TX

@anonaccount:  I agree with FutureMrsKamilDark about the pot smoking. I have heard that too.

I had a guy tell me once that the him and his girlfriend always do it diggy style because he had gained some weight recently and it was the only way he felt comfortable doing it because he did not want her looking at his “flabby body”. So really this was really just a insecurity issue with him. He thought his girlfriend was beautiful.  I’m not saying that your Fiance is flabby…but maybe he has gained an insecurity of some kind..

Post # 123
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I hate to say this and I might get chewed out for it, but it sounds to me like your fiancé might be gay…just by the way you’re describing things…the only reason I say that is because I have friends that are gay who had relationships with girls and did the same exact thing your Fiance does in order to avoid the truth…obviously I’m not an expert, but that’s just my two cents. In any case, I hope he’s not and I hope you guys will be great 🙂

Post # 124
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. I think you should throw in the towel. I had an ex just like this.. over the course of 3 years I cried, begged, got angry, tried to ice him out, everything. I wanted to convince myself that I could be committed enough for the both of us, that being best friends was enough because I loved him, and that everyone stops having sex eventually. Yes people said I was too good looking for him. And yes I felt ugly, un-sexy, and a hundred other awful adjectives. 

But I wasn’t.

Since leaving him I’ve found enough people who were eager to give me what I need, and treat me like a goddess and not just a tool for masturbating. Or worse, a sexless creature. A man who loves you should never abandon you intimately. He should love every inch of you in every way possible at least once in a while. This is the difference between loving and being in love, I believe. Like Corinthians says, to know fully, and to be fully known (sexually that is.) 

I still question whether my ex was gay..

Post # 125
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This sounds like a previous relationship I had. I believe that he had a hard time not orgasming too quickly and had too keep things “vanilla” to control himself. Sounds a bit cocky but whenever things got more interesting he would have issues with endurance. Could this be the case, because if you are going to get married that should be discussed and worked on as he would probably be just as miserable as you with the situation.

Post # 126
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I just read all of the other Bee’s comments about him possibly being gay and I think that there is a pretty high likelihood. The doggy style thing really makes sense. It represents a lack of intimacy, keeping a certain distance from the person when that is your only position. I’ve definitely experienced this before. 

I begged my ex to come out to me if that is what he was feeling and he always insisted that I was wrong. However, not all gay men are neat freaks, submissive or effiminate. I have known quite a few gay men who married and had children. One was a greasy overweight auto mechanic (not pretty or effiminate at all.) Another is a restaurant manager who is not particularly feminine looking or fashionable. Another, my former roommate, also worked at a car dealership and would claw his way out of a shopping trip like most cats out of a bathtub. He would be the first guy to lift heavy objects or change your tire though. 

I’m hurting for you but you’ve got to go with your gut girl. Ignoring it will put you in deep sh**

Post # 127
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

[content moderated for snark]

Post # 128
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Milo:  “Please avoid personal attacks and snarkiness”

 

OP mentioned that she has mentioned the problems to her fella, repeatedly. He shows no interest in changing. She fakes it to save his feelings further, not the world’s best idea I agree and it can’t have helped. Still, she’s patiently told him the problems and tried to compromise to work through them, if he thinks “well if she orgasms everything must be perfect” he’s being incredibly naive. He says he’s experienced and if he were he’d know you can have great sex without orgasming and that theres more to it than the end game.

Post # 129
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

@Milo:  Srsly, “Please avoid personal attacks and snarkiness”.  It doesn’t benefit anyone and the whole point of the Bee is to provide support, a shoulder, a sounding board, etc.  🙂

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