Post # 1
For at least six months now, my girlfriend has been sending me all sorts of material that seems like it might be hints that she’s waiting for me to “pop the question”.
- wedding-related pinterest boards and pins
- offbeat bride wedding posts
- proposal videos
- pictures of rings
- and even the occasional wedding bee thread!
She’ll add some comments about what sort of things she does and doesn’t like about a certain wedding or dress or ring.
And on top of that, she’s also been sending me a lot of baby-related stuff, videos of babies, talking about how cute she thinks they are, etc.
I know the next step in this situation ought to be to simply sit down with her and talk about our future, but it’s not a topic we’ve ever really talked about at length, so I would feel a little awkward. If I’m wrong, could she think that me bringing it up meant that I was trying to give her hints, trying to push her towards something she might not feel ready for? If I could get some input from others, that might help me decide whether it’s the “right time” for that conversation, or if I’m just reading too much into things.
What do you all think?
Post # 2
Ugh dude. YES she is hinting big time and she wants you to propose. If you guys are truly ready for marriage, you should be able to sit down and have a mature discussion about your timelines, expectations, etc. A proposal should never happen unless both parties are 100% on board. If it seems too awkward to bring up now, maybe you’re not ready but she seems to be.
Post # 3
Skip the “hints.” Important stuff needs to be brought into the open and discussed. Getting engaged should involve much more than just buying a ring and giving it to her. You need to have in-depth conversations about what each of you expect from marriage, how it might affect your relationship, how many kids you’d each like, how to raise them, finances, etc. etc. and all that “unromantic” logistical stuff.
Lead it with, “I noticed that picture of a ring you sent me, it’s really pretty. Do you want to talk about getting engaged, and our future?” and see where it takes you.
Post # 4
Be a grown ass adult and talk to her! (Said with a manic grin on my face and all the love in the world!) If you want to be with her, speak to her, but don’t do it if you know marriage isn’t in the cards for you just because she hinted…
Post # 5
Y’all are both adults and if you will eventually be married or are considering being married, it’s probably better to learn how to have an adult conversation like grown-ups do, rather than relying on silly hints and mind games. This is not the last time you will need to tackle a conversation topic that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Post # 6
finneganjoyce: If she’s sharing wedding stuff with you and rings she’s probably ready to begin talking about getting engaged and married. You really should talk to her about it. If she’s sending you stuff related then she’s obviously not going to shy away from talking about it. She already feels comfortable enough to send you things so she won’t feel uncomfortable talking about the subject.
The baby stuff could be just that she really thinks babies are cute. I’ve sent my fiance stuff about babies since before we were engaged like, “look how cute this baby eating cake is.” or “omg look at the baby, adorable.” But that’s just because I think babies really are cute and funny. I’m not in any way ready to start having kids and it wasn’t meant for him to be like, “hurry up and propose already so we can start a family” I just genuinely thought babies are cute and I know my fiance does as well.
Post # 7
I can’t think of any other reason she would be sending these things to you…can you? How long have you been together?
If she is someone with whom you plan to or can imagine planning the rest of your life with I suggest you initiate some conversations re: long-term goals, especially family and careers, children, money, etc. to make certain you are on the same page and go from there. If she is not someone with whom you envision spending the rest of your life she deserves to know that as well. Best of luck!
Post # 8
finneganjoyce: Umm yes. Those are hints! Just talk to her. No way judging from her behavior could you be pushing her into something she doesn’t want to at least talk about.
A lot of women feel like bringing it up themselves is pressuring the guy, especially if you’ve never brought it up. Give that poor woman a break and talk to her!
Post # 9
finneganjoyce: Also, are the threads she’s sent you from weddingbee from the “waiting” boards, perhaps??
Post # 10
If the two of you can’t have actual straightforward conversations about your goals and future because it’s “awkward”, neither of you are ready for marriage. Neither of you. Clocking in a hundred hours a week fantasizing about favors and dresses and signature cocktails doesn’t count for shit when she’s too insecure to actually talk to you about wanting to get married–sending you youtube links and pinterest boards doesn’t count as ‘talking about it’ for most people over age 14. I know there are thousands of threads on just this website about women angsting over ‘waiting’, but imho her behavior is really childish.
Post # 11
Definitely not reading “too much” into it.
My question would be: do you WANT a future with her?
Whatever the answer is its time to have the talk: “babe I get the feeling that these things you’ve been sending me are hints about getting married.
(If yes) So let’s talk about that.
(If not right now but YES with her) However, I don’t think I’m there yet. I had always thought I’d get married when (insert your ideal financial situation, ideal age, meeting the right person, etc). What about you? [and then you negotiate between the two timelines].
(If you don’t ever want marriage) However, I’ve come to realize that I don’t ever want to get married. It’s not about not being in a committed relationship, and it’s not about not being with YOU. I just don’t WANT to be married.
(If you do want marriage but not with her) However, I don’t think I’m the right guy for you to plan a future with. I don’t see us getting married.”
All I can say is be a good man. Tell her what she really needs to hear so this doesn’t eat away at your relationship and instead builds on it. Or…be a good guy and let her go so she can find someone who can’t wait to marry her!
Post # 13
Those aren’t hints. Those are the equivalent of smacking you with a 2×4 with the subject.
Strongly agree with PPs on the need to communicate openly, and also that the baby thing might not be a hint. Although, even if the baby material means nothing, she may still be paying attention to your reaction to babies and children as a general concept.
Post # 14
I read all your responses (kb7: yes, she has sent me threads from the “Waiting” board before, btw), and I decided that, in this situation, it would to bring this up directly. I mentioned that she had been sending a lot of wedding and marriage-themed stuff my way. I asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about with me.
At first, I thought she looked kind of alarmed, but then she just told me that she didn’t mean anything by it at all. She just liked looking at that sort of thing and thought they were interesting.
About an hour later, she spontaneously says to me that she wouldn’t ever want to get married if I didn’t want to.
So I guess I was reading too much into it! It didn’t really mean anything, after all.
Thanks for all your advice, everyone!
Post # 15
Dude are you blind? She said that stuff because she was 1. Likely embarrassed and 2. She wants to get married if that’s also what YOU want and doesn’t want it to come from pressure. Why don’t you actually tell her your feelings on marriage and where you’re at so she isn’t just sitting around wondering and feeling like an ass.