Is my husband a thoughtless gift giver or just clueless?

posted 11 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
2918 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Yes that would bother me. That’s a gift for you *both.*  Clearly he hasn’t learned by you telling him.  Thus this time I would give him bedsheets as * his* gift so he can understand fully how it feels to receive these type of gifts… 

Post # 3
1385 posts
Bumble bee

My husband is notoriously a bad gift giver – he’s gotten better over the years but sometimes he just really missed the mark. I got a vacuum for our 3rd xmas together and was kind of like wtf too. He tends to think household gifts ste good because its practical, which it is, but can also be kind of impersonal or self fulfilling too. I think it’s a combo of both bad gift giving and cluelessness.

My husbands parents are also notoriously pretty not great gift givers as well. However, they actually have an agreement between themselves of no household items, purely to avoid this whole issue. I’m thinking we could use this rule! Lol

Post # 4
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

While this would irritate me I’d also realize that not everyone puts so much thought into gift giving like I do so yeah, I think its him being clueless.  He’s probably the type that simply has no idea what you would like and you’re not helping with simply telling him to be more “frivilous” and so he goes the practial route.  

You’re frustrated because you’re not communicating what you actually want from him.  If you’re not going to say exactly what you want then you need to tell him that you’d like him to be more thoughtful with regards to certain gifts.  That means that gifts need to be more personal to YOU his wife and not stuff basically for the household.  That’s when he’ll probably be like “I don’t know what you like”.  Then you can give him examples.   Stop frustrating yourself and communicate clearly and concisely.

Post # 5
234 posts
Helper bee

I would side with clueless over thoughtless. All three gifts you have mentioned are relatively expensive which makes me think that he did put thought into them, he may just be missing the mark on the gifts you would actually like. Some people really love practical gifts, my mother does and I actually got her a roomba vacuum lol. He might not understand that you would like something more than a practical gift. I would gently bring it up to him so it doesn’t hurt his feelings. 

I should also add that I got my mom the roomba because she complains about vacuuming all the pet hair at her house every few days lol. 

Post # 6
8869 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

anonomee :  Yes, I would be pissed at that. Does he not vacuum? Even if he doesn’t, does he not appreciate the results of the vacuuming? That’s not a gift. I mean, if someone is really into vacuuming and asked for it, it certainly COULD be a gift. But if you didn’t ask for it, it’s a household tool. And very sexist on the surface as well. Buy him a drain snake and put a bow on it. 

Post # 7
2012 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Hahaha im the opposite. I’d love a Dyson – I now have one and have been asking for a kitchen aid for years. I’ve also been asking for a sun lounger too. 

Post # 8
47202 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There are people who are good at gifting and those who are not. He falls in the latter group. All the talking, hints, requests etc will have no effect on him. Give him a list to choose from. Make it extensive enough that what he chooses will still be a surprise.

Post # 9
368 posts
Helper bee

I’d be so mad. I’d just act like it wasn’t a gift. 

“Oh, that’s great! Next time we should do household purchases together though. Why don’t you break it out and do some vacuuming while I wash the dishes.”

You’ve already told him that you don’t want these types of gifts. I feel that it’s thoughtless. 

Post # 11
3063 posts
Sugar bee

anonomee :  Of course it would bother me. I am of the same school of thought as you: gifts should be frivolous things; the practical/useful stuff we buy ourselves, since we need them.

Just as he “let if slip” that he bought you a vacuum cleaner, let is slip that he should return it, and give him a list (with pictures and all the information needed) of gift alternatives that you really want. He can then choose among those alternatives. 

Post # 12
1361 posts
Bumble bee

Buying gifts for a spouse is hard. I gave my hubby a list of ideas and I’m looking foward to seeing what he picked out. Give him a wish list next year of 10-15 different items. You’ll still be suprised and can avoid being disappointed.

Post # 13
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

I wonder if he thinks he’s being frivolous because he upgraded to the more expensive options. If he really just wanted to be purely practical, he could have gotten a cheaper brand. I can see why you’re upset, but I wouldn’t take it as him being thoughtless. Do you drop hints or tell him what you like? 

Post # 14
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

maybe you shoulda gave santa a list?

Post # 15
2696 posts
Sugar bee

If my husband ever gave me a kitchen appliance he’d be sitting on it; and not too comfortablywink

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