(Closed) Is my husband or the girl out of line?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 64
Member
6751 posts
Busy Beekeeper

bobsgirl2007:  Out til 4am drinking at a bar with some woman then going to her house? So, so, so far out of line. Sorry, Bee. Hugs. 

Post # 65
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee

Argh this sucks… Even if nothing happened with them other than friend type stuff I’d be pissed off with this. I mean if my Darling Husband was out with a guy friend then went awol and tipped up at 4am on a worknight I’d be annoyed, but the fact that it’s with a woman – a woman who you have mentioned you are uncomfortable about him being alone with, its so wrong. I hope he can see this.

I’m assuming you are working  today too, hope you aren’t too exhausted. It’s horrible being awake half the night.

Post # 66
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I have no words for what a jerk he’s being. You’ve tried telling him what you’re comfortable with and what your not, and he completely disregards it. Total deal breaker for me. 

Plus staying out passed 2am regularly?? No. Just no. 

Post # 67
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

Wow. I can’t believe he just doesn’t give af. Like… I’m just baffled. You’re a better person than I am, I would be changing the locks. 

Post # 68
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Holly Hedge Estate

bobsgirl2007:  Ugh, I am so annoyed at him! I am curious to know his explanation for this whole thing?! Let us know please. Such unacceptable behavior on his part.

Post # 69
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

 

OP I am so sorry.

No respectable work interactions happen at 2am on a regular basis and ESPECIALLY between just a guy and newly single girl. The appearance alone is completely unproffessional. That’s not to say men and women can’t be friends. But colleagues should not put themselves in that type of position. If he is the mentor in these interactions (with this girl and others), i’m sorry to say he is a terrible one.

The fact that he does this ALL THE TIME and he deleted all texts from her, but not other friends, you told him you were uncomfortable and he went out with her alone anyway and then drove her home and was still MIA for two hours is insane.

I’m sorry OP…I would be two carding him: counseling or divorce. You need to come before work happy hour (happy evenings more like).

 

BTW- since he repeatedly goes out and gets drunk and promises not to do it again…but does it again and again…sounds like he might have a drinking problem.

Another thought…I went through a divorce. I told a few close colleagues but I did not cry on their shoulder or need them to get me home after drinking. It is so inappropriate, I’m so mad for you OP! But don’t be mad at the girl (at least, not only mad at her), this is all your H. 

Post # 70
Member
3870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

bobsgirl2007:  I’m glad I read through your entire thread before responding. 

Honestly, the thing that stuck out to me is that he went out at 5pm and didn’t come home until 4am, but said at 2am they were just leaving and he was taking her home because she was drunk. So many things…but firstly, on top of cheating, I’d be slightly concerned your husband has some type of drinking problem. Who goes out on a Monday night and drinks for seven hours and then comes in wasted at 4 when they work the next day? You also said this isn’t the first time it’s happened? If that were my husband, I’d be concerned.

Aside from that, yeahhhhh. If this were my husband, I’d be speaking with a divorce lawyer. There are so many different disrespectful aspects going on. If you want to make the marriage work, start fresh. No more late nights with this girl. At all. Period. If he can’t agree to that, then I don’t know, Bee.

At the very least, I’d be waking his ass up banging some pots and pans around in the kitchen in the morning.

Post # 71
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper

The fact that he has numerous female friends you’re okay with but your radar is up on this particular friendship….well, I’d trust my radar in your position. So many thoughts on this:

1. His drinking itself seems to be an issue. Even if he was out with a brother or male buddy, coming home at 4 am on a work night is irresponsible. You say he’s done this multiple times, promises he won’t do it again, then does it again. He’s a grown man, not a keg sucking frat boy and he needs to start acting like one.

2. If he’s in a mentor/ leadership position at work, going out to the wee hours and getting sauced with those he mentors is unprofessional and could cause him trouble at work.

3. He’s happy to play the concerned friend, the knight in shining armour, while his wife sits home alone. It should be pointed out to him that you’ll be needing a shining armour and someone to vent to about him since he treats others with more consideration than he does his own wife (how would he feel if a considerate male friend took you out until 4 am because you seemed sad and alone?)

4. You felt like a third wheel when the three of you went out together. This is incredibly rude for any two people to do to a third party, to carry on extended conversations that exclude someone. Either they’re both socially obtuse and selfish in general or they’re too immersed in each other’s company to recognize the rudeness of their actions. The fact that you felt like a third wheel with your own husband and another woman is definitely unacceptable.

5. Even if your husband isn’t ’emotionally cheating’ (one of the Bees in this thread made a really good list of signs), he needs to be more aware of what’s inappropriate and unacceptable. You shouldn’t have to spell out ‘it’s not right to be taking a drunk girl home at 2 am while your wife waits up for you’, but it looks like you do. Now, if someone has had too much to drink, I do think the decent thing to do is to see that they get home safely- which is why he shouldn’t have let things get to that point in the first place, so that this awkward position of seeing her safely home wouldn’t come up- but since it did, he didn’t need an additional 2 hours to do this.

I’d be furious and hurt in your position Bee ((((hugs))))

Post # 73
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

NooOOOoooo! You definitely need to address this. (I haven’t read it all.) But 2 am on a regular basis? And now 4 am???? No married guy needs to be out so late on a regular basis unless they’re up to no good.

Post # 74
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Bob is being completely inappropriate staying out late drinking 1 on 1 with a female mentee. Not e even to mention this is after you expressed discomfort, so not only is it unwise its completely disrespectful.

Even if it wasnt 1 on 1, happy hour- fine. Staying out till 2am and getting drunk with subordinates/mentees or any coworker regularly? SO unprofessional. Listen to your gut here. Itd be one thing if it happened once a year at the holiday party or something, but Bob is acting a fool.

Post # 75
Member
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Why the hell did it take him 2 hours to drop her off?

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