(Closed) Is my madness justified

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Oh my gosh, I just googled it as I have never heard of anything like it. Eek.

 Can you explain to your fiancé that it’s not part of your culture and you just don’t feel comfortable wearing it. maybe incorporate it in some other way? As a decoration on the bridal table  or guest book table? Perhaps you could wear it for a couple of photos but not the actual ceremony.

i hope this is not a sign of future “culture clash” problems with you fiancé, if he’s trying to force this on you.

Post # 17
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
j_jaye:  You are correct that there is a disgusting sexist symbolism behind all those traditions you listed (which is why I will not be following any of them myself as a proud feminist) but ragebee is also right that they are less literal and I would add that most people don’t associate them with the traditional meanings any more and choose to follow the traditions for different personal reasons. And if she chooses not to include this much more literal sexist symbolism while including other less obviously/literal symbolic traditions that is her choice. 🙂 But you’re right that there may be a way to nod to the tradition without actually wearing it.

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ragebee:  What you said about the symbolism being disgusting and not something you believe in speaks volumes to me. It seems that you would not feel like you were being true to yourself if you were to wear it and I believe on your wedding day it’s important that both you and your partner are true to yourselves and since you are agreeing to love each other forever, exactly as you truly are. It sounds like you would like to respect his grandmother but just not in this way. I bet you could talk to her and ask if there’s another way you could respect and honor their family and tradition, maybe you could ask her for a different token to include in your bouquet or find a different pig (with no babies suckling) figure on etsy or something? Wear a locket with her picture in it or something? You should also be able to sit the Fiance down and explain how uncomfortable you are with the symbolism and explain that you love his family and want to honor and respect them but you are not willing to include that specific sexist symbolism in your outfit, it’s not just one day, it’s a matter of principles and wanting to be seen by his family as more than just an object that pops out babies and ask him if he can help you brainstorm other ways to include his grandmother and honor his traditions. He should understand and hopefully help you come up with an alternative.

Post # 18
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

HOLY PIG, that necklace is… something else! 

Post # 19
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

that necklace is massive!!!! I agree with a lot of the pp’s, I have NO doubt that it’s meant to be a representation of positive things, but it’s definitely an eye catcher/eye sore. If it’s really important to his family I would try to tie it in somewhere, ANYWHERE, else really. Bouquet, hanging off your chair at your table, hanging from somewhere near your during the ceremony but not actually ON you, etc.

Post # 21
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

View original reply
ragebee:  O man that is hideous….if your husband likes it so much I suggest he wear it iinstead of a tie. What a wedding buzzkill that necklace is.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by TinderBoxx.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by TinderBoxx.
Post # 22
Member
833 posts
Busy bee

Yikes. That is one awful necklace. I think you need to stand your ground on this one. 

Post # 23
Member
2235 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
ragebee:  Oh my God! There’s no tucking that out of sight!

Your Fiance is the mad one. I wouldn’t wear that. He is being ridiculous and unreasonable. 

Post # 24
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Oh dear lord i would not wear that if you paid me! Ill second pp about having it on the welcome table though,in fact i would second any suggestions as long as it doesnt mean wearing it lol

Post # 25
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would see if there is some way to find a compromise (ie a locket with a big picture inside that no one can really see, a tiny charm to pin inside your dress or on a cute charm bracelet or on your bouquet) but if its this necklace in particular that is important I would say hell Fing NO!!!! I was originally in the mindset that it doesn’t really hurt but then I saw it…. that is well um special?

Post # 26
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
ragebee:  “but the most basic one is still a huge goddamn pig with a bunch of piglets dangling around at the bottom. I don’t even think pigs are cute.”

God knows I feel for you, but you’re cracking me up with this description. I would never incorporate something into my wedding that I felt so strongly against just to please Grandma, who may not even care as much as Fiance thinks. If Grandma doesn’t care, I find it strange that your Fiance would care so much- like, is he just about the “tradition” of wearing it? Or does he believe in the symbolism of it? If worse comes to worse, maybe you two together could find a symbol that can be hidden away in your bouquet or something

Post # 27
Member
6582 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow- that is even worse than I imagined.

Post # 28
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

In your position I would do one of two things:

1. Tell Fiance that, while I try not to hurt peoples’ feelings in general, it is unfair to ask me to wear something that goes against my beliefs & principles and that he should understand & support that.

2. I would wear the hideous pig necklace for a pic with his grandmother and then hold this over him for all of eternity- and bring it up anytime I needed a favour or wanted to win an argument “Hey man, I wore that hugeass offensive pig necklace AT MY OWN WEDDING for you! You owe me!”

Probably number 1. But I do have concern here that even after you told him it makes you uncomfortable on principle, he’s still pushing for it. I hope this is not something he will do often to you, put his family’s feelings and desires before your own. Especially when you say he seems to mind more than his grandma would.

Post # 29
Member
880 posts
Busy bee

 

Get this for him. But much much bigger. It symbolizes fertility and represents a prosperous family.  i also represent getting the ron Jeremy dildo and making a necklace out of it. 

Post # 30
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

Yikes! that necklace is …. well I’m lost for words really…

Could you compromise and wear it for a portion of the reception (if you’re having a reception) or another part of the festivities (like a tea ceremony)? I totally agree with you that I wouldn’t want to wear something symbolic I wasn’t comfortable with (regardless of how it looks), but I also wouldn’t want to start my married life by upsetting my husband’s family either. 

I think this issue is one where you have to decide is it worth potentially upsetting his family? If so, then stick to your guns, if not, try and find a compromise. 

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