(Closed) Is my madness justified

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee

Holy sh*t!!  Is your FI’s ethnic background Asian?  Is it possible for you to just wear it ONLY during the tea cereminy @ the wedding reception (and not the wedding ceremony)?  From your pic it looks like that symbolic necklace is something Asian brides will wear during the tea ceremony.  I know my Asian friends all had to wear these huge gawdy gold necklaces (no pigs though) only when they were serving the parents/family.

Post # 47
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
ragebee:  OMG. no. no way. absolutely not. 

what in the hell… that’s not a necklace…it’s a lawn ornament on a chain. i’d be more worried about the future back problems that sucker would cause from wearing it. 

honestly, your Fiance needs to let this go. this isn’t a small request & not only is that thing quite the, erm… “statement piece”, what it symbolizes is disgusting. i am not all that ‘feminist’, but sounds like they just want you to be a human incubator for the family name and that’s a little bit obnoxious. 

Post # 48
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Whoa mama, that is one ugly necklace.

I was going to say too, compromise and wear it in a couple of pictures, or for part of the reception.

 

Post # 49
Member
845 posts
Busy bee

Am I the only one that can see the beauty in the necklace?  (Of course I’m not saying you have to wear it).

Post # 50
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

Relat:  No you are not. I posted earlier about not wearing it due to the sexist symbolism, but symbolism aside, I want to say to those PP’s who were calling it ugly and not fitting with a wedding aesthetic: comments like that are actually very offensive. I’m sure it was unintentional and no one here was trying to be cultural insensitive. However, that necklace is representative of a particular aesthetic. I’m not sure which Asian culture in specific it belongs to, but that culture is no less beautiful or deserving of respect then any other culture. And every culture celebrates weddings differently. It seems like a few PPs saw the necklace and thought “that doesn’t look bridal! I would never wear that!” And it’s fine if you wouldn’t wear that if it’s not part of your culture (it would actually be cultural appropriation to use it in your wedding if you don’t belong to that culture) but just because it doesn’t fit in with the aesthetics of what your culture sees as bridal does not mean it isn’t 100% appropriate, legitimate and beautiful as a bridal aesthetic. Because it is. And so are the aesthetics from your culture.

No one culture in particular defines what weddings should look like or what is beautiful. The necklace is gorgeous and fits in perfectly with the culture which it comes from. But, all that said, I would still encourage the bride not to wear it (and choose an alternative way to honor her FI’s family’s culture) in order to stay true and honest to herself and her feminist values.

Post # 51
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee

Any updates, OP? Did you talk to your Fiance or the grandmother?

Post # 52
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

compromise, compromise, compromise!  if it’s important to your Fiance, it should be important to you.  see if you can figure out something that works for you both.  maybe you could wear it for part of the time and then take it off?  wear it for the ceremony (and of course get pics both with it on and with it off) and then remove it immediately?  

Post # 53
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

Lol i would rock that necklace.  You don’t have to do anything you don’t care to do OP.  Stand your ground with your Fiance, if you must.  He can’t and shouldn’t force you. 🙂 

I find traditions to be beautiful.  Now that I have said yes to my Fiance, I plan to have a wedding that would incorporate so many of our cultural traditions into it.  I just love it.  🙂  so this issue to me is your Fiance being forceful than the actual necklace.

Post # 54
Member
530 posts
Busy bee

Are you marrying into a Chinese family? If you are, yes Grandma would care more than you think she will. In Asian cultures, a marriage is not only between wife and husband, it is the merging of two families. Depending on how traditional the family is, you will not look good in their eyes. Thank god my family and Fi’s familiy is not THAT traditional. I’ve actually never seen that on the bride, not even my cousin’s weddings in China. 

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