Post # 1
So I have 4 BMs altogether, one being the Maid/Matron of Honor. My Maid/Matron of Honor has been a diva lately. Here’s the scenario…
One of my BMs wasn’t sure she would be able to financially make it to my wedding since she lives out of state, and she has addressed this awhile ago as a possibility. She let me know about a week and a half ago that she couldn’t afford it, and although we’ve mentioned it as a possibility, of course I’m sad to hear it. I texted my Maid/Matron of Honor that I had bad news. She responds asking what it is and so I told her my Bridesmaid or Best Man couldn’t make it to the wedding anymore because of financial reasons. Her response, “OH! You had me worried. I thought it was something worse. At least you saw her when you did.” I was sorta put off by her response and I let her know that regardless of me knowing it was a possibility, of course I’m still sad. The next statement had me livid…”Well, more guys for me.”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! sorry that my wedding is the place you’re planning to find a date. I was extremely annoyed. Anyway, fast forward…I spoke with my Bridesmaid or Best Man and the last thing I want to think of on my wedding is how one of my closest friends couldn’t make it because of financial reasons. I decided to cover her flight costs because hey, we’re already paying thousands, why not a couple hundred for a good friend? We got her flight booked today, and I let my Maid/Matron of Honor know that my Bridesmaid or Best Man found a way to fund her trip down. (It’s between me and my Bridesmaid or Best Man, and based off her previous reaction, I don’t think it’s worth sharing to my Maid/Matron of Honor the fact I’m paying for her flight). After telling my Maid/Matron of Honor that my Bridesmaid or Best Man could now make it, she responds…”yay.” That’s it. And then she changes the subject and tries to bash her saying something along the lines of…why does she even wanna come? she hates Ga. (where I live). I…can’t…deal.
I mostly wanted to vent, but what the hell is her deal? HOW RUDE?! AGHEHHEHAKJHWUWG.
Post # 2
It sucks that she isn’t being more supportive.
That said, I don’t think a Maid/Matron of Honor needs to drop her personality and start mirroring the brides feelings and opinions. It would be nice if she could be more tactful and keep her negativity to herself.
Was she like this before becoming your MOH?
Post # 3
fluffysweet: Not really. And she was sweet in the beginning of all this. I literally dont expect anything from anyone in my bridal party. Just show up at this point since they have their dresses and I’m covering makeup. I check in with her about her life and never talk about my wedding unless she brings it up…which she doesnt. She gets bitter that I don’t like to “party” with her. She calls me and old woman and says I’m lame and never have fun (totally untrue, I just don’t think fun only has to happen between the hours of 9pm-3am, and that’s the only time she wants to go out). It’s getting even more tense between us and i just don’t really depend on her for much. I don’t know if she’s been bitter or something, but everytime she’s with me and my FH and we do so much as kiss, she rolls her eyes.
Post # 4
Vent away! But I don’t think she was being rude. When someone texts me “bad news,” I imagine the absolute worst. A BM’s not being able to make it to the wedding is nothing compared to what the bad news could have been.
And her “more guys for me” comment? Totally normal, lighthearted thing to say.
My advice? Step away from the wedding planning & stress for a day. You will feel better! 🙂
Post # 5
Meh I don’t think that’s rude. I’ve been in plenty of weddings where I am not friends with the BMs (we’re friendly but I woudn’t hang out with them without the bride) so it doesn’t really affect me if they’re not there. Her first comment when you told her the bad news seems like she was just trying to show you the positive and the second comment was likely just a joke to make you feel better.
What else did you want her to say when you told her the Bridesmaid or Best Man was coming? I probably would have responded in the same way or just said “that’s good.” I suppose the ‘why does she even wanna come’ line was weird but from her previous responses it seems like it might have been a joke. Perhaps you should try calling her- tone is difficult to decipher in text.
Post # 6
Hmm, a little rude, sure, but I’d probably overlook it since it’s fairly common for people to get a bit testy during wedding planning( for some reason). Weddings just seem to bring out the crazy in people. 😛
Post # 7
one of the many reasons text messages aren’t the best way to have every conversation is because you have no idea what the other person’s tone is.
Post # 8
AlmostMrsJPS: I honestly don’t think this is that bad. Is she normally a gushy person? She isn’t ignoring your texts and maybe she was trying to lighten the mood by saing ‘more guys for me.’ Also – if someone texts me an open ended text saying they had ‘bad news’ then I’d be the one annoyed – if you have bad news then either call me and tell me or send the complete news in a text. Don’t leave me hanging wondering if something terrible has happened!
Post # 9
I don’t know. I don’t think it’s that bad. Maybe she was trying to get a chuckle out of you? It could’ve been worse. “Good! I hated that smelly bitch!” That would be rude. I think that text messages are a really terrible way to deliver any sort of bad news.
Post # 10
AlmostMrsJPS: I think the guys comment was a joke. (Even if it wasn’t a joke, I don’t see a problem with her finding a single guy to dance with after the formalities are over). The gossiping about the Bridesmaid or Best Man not liking Georgia wasn’t nice, but whatever.
Post # 11
Yeah, sorry don’t see why you would be livid over this. I think you’re expecting your wedding to have the same importance in everyone’s life as it does yours. It doesn’t. Her responses were perfectly normal.
Post # 12
I don’t see what was negative.
You said Bad News. That can be anything from I have cancer to I don’t like bananas anymore. Her missing out on your wedding isn’t that bad, compared to cancer.
The “more guys for me” is not offensive, and was more then likely to lighten your mood.
When you said she was back in, she replied with yay. That’s positive.
You are going to have to try to get me to see what was offensive, as I think you are looking for it, where none is intended.
Post # 13
You’re being waaay oversensitive here. I don’t think she was rude at all. Not everyone is super emotional. And she cracked a joke, big deal. And beware, she might just think you’re being a bridezilla.
Post # 14
Yeah if someone texts I have bad news … I expect someone died…. so while it’s sad your Bridesmaid or Best Man won’t be able to attend…perhaps working on how you phrase texts would be helpful too.
Post # 15
AlmostMrsJPS: I can definitely see how you’ve interpereted what she’s said as being rude, I do the same thing sometimes! (especially via txt!) I think it’s possible she didn’t mean it that way though and if she’s a good friend (which i’m assuming she is!) maybe just give her the benefit of the doubt.
She sounds like she’s not a super wedding-y type person (and yes I do think the ‘more guys for me’ comment is distasteful, that would make me raise an eyebrow!) but do you have some other close friends who do love to gush about weddings? You’re absolutely allowed to be excited about your day and want to talk about it but if her reactions are getting you down, find someone who can mirror your excitement! I’ve done that too 🙂