(Closed) Is my maid of honor out of line here?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Is she out of line?
    Yes : (3 votes)
    3 %
    No : (57 votes)
    55 %
    Eh : (43 votes)
    42 %
  • Post # 2
    169 posts
    Blushing bee

    It sucks that she isn’t being more supportive.

    That said, I don’t think a Maid/Matron of Honor needs to drop her personality and start mirroring the brides feelings and opinions. It would be nice if she could be more tactful and keep her negativity to herself.

    Was she like this before becoming your MOH?


    Post # 4
    4513 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Vent away! But I don’t think she was being rude. When someone texts me “bad news,” I imagine the absolute worst. A BM’s not being able to make it to the wedding is nothing compared to what the bad news could have been.

    And her “more guys for me” comment? Totally normal, lighthearted thing to say. 

    My advice? Step away from the wedding planning & stress for a day. You will feel better! 🙂

    Post # 5
    7292 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Meh I don’t think that’s rude. I’ve been in plenty of weddings where I am not friends with the BMs (we’re friendly but I woudn’t hang out with them without the bride) so it doesn’t really affect me if they’re not there. Her first comment when you told her the bad news seems like she was just trying to show you the positive and the second comment was likely just a joke to make you feel better.

    What else did you want her to say when you told her the Bridesmaid or Best Man was coming? I probably would have responded in the same way or just said “that’s good.” I suppose the ‘why does she even wanna come’ line was weird but from her previous responses it seems like it might have been a joke. Perhaps you should try calling her- tone is difficult to decipher in text.

    Post # 6
    1069 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Hmm, a little rude, sure, but I’d probably overlook it since it’s fairly common for people to get a bit testy during wedding planning( for some reason). Weddings just seem to bring out the crazy in people. 😛

    Post # 7
    7411 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    one of the many reasons text messages aren’t the best way to have every conversation is because you have no idea what the other person’s tone is. 

    Post # 8
    1251 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    AlmostMrsJPS:  I honestly don’t think this is that bad. Is she normally a gushy person? She isn’t ignoring your texts and maybe she was trying to lighten the mood by saing ‘more guys for me.’ Also – if someone texts me an open ended text saying they had ‘bad news’ then I’d be the one annoyed – if you have bad news then either call me and tell me or send the complete news in a text. Don’t leave me hanging wondering if something terrible has happened!

    Post # 9
    9120 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I don’t know. I don’t think it’s that bad. Maybe she was trying to get a chuckle out of you? It could’ve been worse. “Good! I hated that smelly bitch!” That would be rude. I think that text messages are a really terrible way to deliver any sort of bad news.

    Post # 10
    7658 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    AlmostMrsJPS:  I think the guys comment was a joke. (Even if it wasn’t a joke, I don’t see a problem with her finding a single guy to dance with after the formalities are over). The gossiping about the Bridesmaid or Best Man not liking Georgia wasn’t nice, but whatever.

    Post # 11
    2257 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Yeah, sorry don’t see why you would be livid over this. I think you’re expecting your wedding to have the same importance in everyone’s life as it does yours. It doesn’t. Her responses were perfectly normal. 

    Post # 12
    3268 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t see what was negative.

    You said Bad News.  That can be anything from I have cancer to I don’t like bananas anymore. Her missing out on your wedding isn’t that bad, compared to cancer.

    The “more guys for me” is not offensive, and was more then likely to lighten your mood.

    When you said she was back in, she replied with yay.  That’s positive. 

    You are going to have to try to get me to see what was offensive, as I think you are looking for it, where none is intended.

    Post # 13
    986 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    You’re being waaay oversensitive here. I don’t think she was rude at all. Not everyone is super emotional. And she cracked a joke, big deal. And beware, she might just think you’re being a bridezilla.

    Post # 14
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Yeah if someone texts I have bad news … I expect someone died…. so while it’s sad your Bridesmaid or Best Man won’t be able to attend…perhaps working on how you phrase texts would be helpful too. 

    Post # 15
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    AlmostMrsJPS:  I can definitely see how you’ve interpereted what she’s said as being rude, I do the same thing sometimes! (especially via txt!) I think it’s possible she didn’t mean it that way though and if she’s a good friend (which i’m assuming she is!) maybe just give her the benefit of the doubt.

    She sounds like she’s not a super wedding-y type person (and yes I do think the ‘more guys for me’ comment is distasteful, that would make me raise an eyebrow!) but do you have some other close friends who do love to gush about weddings? You’re absolutely allowed to be excited about your day and want to talk about it but if her reactions are getting you down, find someone who can mirror your excitement! I’ve done that too 🙂

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