- 3 years ago
I’ve been on wedding bee for a while, but this is my first time making my own post. I’m just so lost right now, I don’t know what else to do. This is kind of a long story, but I feel like some context is important, so here it goes: To give you some background, my husband and I just got married in late spring, and shortly after (like less than a week), we moved to a new city far from home, since he was starting a new job. We were together 7.5 years before we got married and he has always been my best friend and closest person in my life. We’ve always been one of those couples who are very lovey-dovey and affectionate toward each other, almost to the point where we nauseate others. We have also always had our arguments since it’s just in both of our nature, but nothing we haven’t been able to get past.
However, ever since we got married, I’ve been feeling a strange distance between us. I had some inklings of it before the wedding, but we were so busy that I just attributed it to stress with planning the wedding and move and all of that. Now that we’re settled into our new place, it’s becoming more pronounced than ever. Less than a week after we got married (right after we moved into our new place), we had a big blow-out fight over our finances, since it came out that he had much more credit card debt that I realized. Nothing insanely high, but just more than I thought, and this is something that has always caused some tention for us since I’m extremely conservative with my credit. I was initially very upset and felt betrayed, but I decided to just let it go and move forward since it wasn’t how I wanted to start off our marriage. That night after I calmed down, I told him that we will just come up with a financial plan and that it would all be ok. I essentially just let it go, since again, it wasn’t anything extreme and I wanted to stay positive. I don’t know if this is where it all stemmed from, but I feel like the distance has only widened since then. He rarely ever initates sex which is very strange for him since he has always had the higher sex drive. And even when I initiate, he turns me down or finds some kind of excuse of why he can’t (he’s tired, sick, etc.). I’m not the type to keep my emotions and feelings bottled up, so I’ve asked him several times if something is wrong and if there is anything I’ve done to push him away. I’ve even cried to him and told him that if I’ve done something wrong, to just please tell me so that I can make it right. But I don’t get anything from him. This has all gotten me thinking crazy thoughts, and last night I did something I have NEVER done or even thought about doing: I looked through his phone. At first I didnt find anything suspicious or notable, that is until I started reading his texts with his friends. Every time they asked him how things were going, he made it sound like he was completely miserable with our marraige and was just trying to “stay posative.” He had not one nice thing to say about be. And then I saw a conversation with his best friend where he said he married me out of desparation because I gave him an ultimatum, and that he didn’t think it would last. He said that every time we fight, he loses respect and affection for me and that he doesn’t feel the loyalty that he used to have towards me. He said he still loves me, but sometimes feels like he hates me and is afriad he will snap. He said he is just going to “ride the wave” and see what happens. This was such a punch to the gut! I never in a MILLION years thought that he felt this way. If anything, most people in our lives always joked that he loves me more than I love him since he has always acted so crazy about. Of course that’s not true, since I’ve always been extremely affectionate back, and always compliment him on how smart and funny and attractive he is.
After doing a little more digging, I found that he had snapchat, which I never even knew he had. He always brags about how he doesn’t use any social media because he thinks it’s lame (except instagram, which he uses to follow sports and news), so this is just completely out of character. When i looked through the snapchats, I saw that he had sent chats and a photo to two different girls I had never heard of before. I looked through his instagram and found one of them, and after some snooping saw that he met her during his bachelor party in Vegas, and there was a pic of them doing shots together. Again, COMPLETELY out of character! That is just not his personality, and it completely shocks me to even see him like that. THEN I found a saved snapchat in his photos that was just extremely weird. It was a selfie of him doing the “shhhh” sign (finger up to his lips) and a caption that said, “The future is in your hands.” What!? I have no idea what that even means, but it definitely doesn’t look like the type of thing you send to a friend. His face looks like he’s trying to be sexy or something. I seriously feel like I don’t even know him anymore because this isn’t even his personality. I don’t know what’s happening and I just feel so much anxiety because I feel like our marriage is doomed after it just started. I never thought this would happen to me, and now here I am finding out that my husband doesn’t even know why he married me. What do I do?? I’m afriad to bring any of this up because I feel like it will just lead to a HUGE fight once I tell him I snooped through his phone, and possibly cause him to be even more secretive. But at the same time, how do I pretend like I don’t know any of this? I don’t know if I can fake that. I’m so lost! This is just so not us :/