(Closed) Is my MIL excluding me or am I reading too much into this?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Definitely sounds rude, but maybe she doesn’t notice this happening and you are over-thinking it?  I’d bring it up to your husband and see what he says, especially the part about his daughter.  That’s so sad to take away from the accomplishments of the girl!

Post # 4
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think it’s probably a combination of things, cultural misunderstandings and a lot changes she probably hasn’t gotten fully on board with.

I think she needs a little time to adjust. I’m guessing if your Fi lived at home with his daughter that she probably had a big hand in raising his daughter and she probably misses her and it’s a hard adjustment.

That being said at a certain point she has to get over it, if she becomes overbearing and rude and starts doing blatantly rude/mean things you guys need to have boundaries for her.

In the meantime I would be the bigger person and ignore the passive aggressive slights as long as they stay to a limit. Eventually its going to make her look bad to the rest of the family and your Fi, and you can only be patient for so long so don’t let her get away with it for ever.

Post # 7
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@punkin83:  Not to be negative, but… I think it sounds like she’s excluding your on purpose. What she said to your stepdaughter was rude and unnecessary, also. Even if she wanted to express that to YOU, but wasn’t appropriate to say to the child. 

In my experience, Latin men tend to be really close to their mothers and families in general. Living at home till 30 is totally normal, as is living with your parents after you get married. That may be why she’s having a hard time letting go. Has your husband spoken to her about your feeling excluded/left-out? She needs to grasp that you are his priority now, and that if she’s not treating YOU well, you won’t be coming around, and neither will he. None of this needs to be aggressive, but he should make it clear.

I also think you should go out of your way to make an effort to bond with her- both on your own and with your husband. If she feels more included, she may make an effort to include you more.

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