(Closed) is my mom being old fashioned of just nuts!! need advice

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I dont think so. As long as in the long run you arent going to feel resentment because you are working so much or so hard. It sounds like his job is pretty demanding though. I dont think its wrong for you to get another job. Plus it will give you something different that sitting at your desk all day. You gotta do what you gotta do to not go in debt over one day, no matter how important the day is 🙂 good luck, I think she is saying these things out of a good place, but as long as your comfortable with it go for it.

Post # 5
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You say that you decided you wanted to pick up another job, so apart from supporting you in your decision, your significant other really has nothing to do with it. Your mother just dragged him into the discussion. I wonder why she perceived it this way though. I hope you defended him to her politely, which from the sound of your statements I bet you did. I think only time will truly show her that the two of you make a good team. If she brings this kind of talk up again, just continue to be positive about your decision and hopefully she’ll come around.

Post # 6
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can see her traditional and protective attitudes comming out!

The important part is to make it known how hard your Fiance works and what he does to contribute to your life together.

 Hopefully your Fiance is on board as well or would he prefer the extra money go to bills? Regardless, Hang in there! Do whatever makes things work:) I commend yall on not wanting any debt for your wedding- it will be a great start to your marriage and finances.

Post # 7
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Your not wrong. She is being concerned but I can see why you feel that its not her place to make such comments, when she has no background to make an informed opinion. Now that you see how she may ruaway with things, in the future perhaps you should limit what you share with her. How you run your household with your FH is your business. You didn’t ask her for advice you asked for a resume update.

Post # 8
113 posts
Blushing bee

The relationship is between you and your man. If he has two jobs, or you have two jobs, or whatever, it is between the two of you. 

Perhaps touch on the fact that you’re willing to take on another job because you love and respect your SO; you take a potential burden as your own because you love him. If people look at me oddly or whatnot because I won’t do X or something, I tell them I have a husband and my decision is based out of my love for him. 

Darling Husband > everything else but God. 

Post # 10
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Like PP said, I think your Mom is being a little over-protective here. Some people have full-time jobs that just don’t lend themself (in terms of scheduling) to getting a part-time job – you, luckily, are not in that position! You should reiterate to your Mom that your guy does work hard to support you and your relationship, and that this is just your way of temporarily helping out, and getting your wedding (and marriage) off on the right foot. I’m in a similar position – cushy office job, so I could take on an extra part tiem gig to help with some of the expenses. My Fiance, though, has an hour+ commute each way, and is expcted to work late frequently, so taking on something extra wouldn’t be feasible for him. He helps out in other ways, though, to save for the wedding.  

Post # 12
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you having the second job is better than him having the second job, then that’s how you do it. Plus, if it’s just to save for a wedding, then you won’t have to worry about having 2 jobs forever. Your mom should be proud you are such a go-getter, since that means less money from her in the long run towards your big day!

I do know where you are coming from though…when I told my mom a while ago I thought having 2 jobs would help Fiance and I out with our house, she practically cried. I’m not sure why. It was so bizarre.

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