Is my mom being the monster or is it me? (long, dramatic)

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
5773 posts
Bee Keeper

Yeah, your mom sounds like crazy town. I probably wouldn’t pick the exact same date as a sibling, that is kind of weird to me. And any day that you get married will be special regardless. 

Post # 4
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

sinsyddy :  Your mother is being ridiculous, is she unable to help financially? Sounds like there is some jealousy since your Future Mother-In-Law is helping you guys out quite a bit financially. I understand why you would be hurt by her behavior, it’s immature. 

Do you really think she won’t go, or is she just throwing a fit right now? 

I do think you were out of line to get mad at your sister for getting married on your dating anniversary, you don’t get to reserve June 13th just because it’s your anniversary. 

ETA I just saw your update, why would you share your reception with your sister? She’ll have gotten married a couple years before you guys have your wedding, so her day has come and gone.

Post # 5
Member
2813 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

She is being ridiculous. Sorry – I have no advice to give…

Post # 6
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

We would like to get married on our 10 year anniversary. That’s a Tuesday though and we want a Saturday, so we are hoping for the weekend before. So I totally get that sentiment. It isn’t SUPER important to me, but I would be sad too in your position.

Your mum’s behaviour is not ok. She should be thrilled for you, and also thrilled that you are welcoming people to get involved. I don’t get on with my future Mother-In-Law very well and it crushes my mum, she so wishes I had a good relationship with her. Your mum needs some perspective and should be putting your feelings in all this first. Is she jealous about how much your Mother-In-Law is able to help you? If she is, that’s silly too. She should be pleased for you.

Post # 7
Member
2039 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

“Mom, you can not act like an adult then I have nothing else to tell you. You will no longer have to worry about dress shopping or your anxiety, because you will not be invited to share in your daughters wedding. Let me know what you decided.”

But I’m a bitch. 

Post # 8
Member
9007 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d stop offering any information besides the time and location. She can be like any other guest if she wants to throw a hissy fit about it. If she doesn’t come, that’s on her.

I would also have the wedding on the date of your choosing. No one is going to care that your sister had the same date. It literally means nothing to anyone but yourselves. Again if she doesn’t want to come because of the date, that’s on her. If she can’t afford a reception for herself she may not even come due to finances anyway.

Definitely a hard No on the sharing a reception bit.

Sorry your family is being so selfish. This isn’t about them.

Post # 9
Member
11118 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I guess I’ll give an outlying perspective. 

Personally, I think your mother deserves some consideration, here, but then again I’m not a fan of the current trend in entourage shopping. If she sees this as an “experience” why not just go with her separately, or on a first trip? Compromise. 

As for the shared anniversary, if it were me I couldn’t have cared less. You’re going to spend your life celebrating your anniversary with your husband and she will spend hers with her husband celebrating hers. Who cares? 

I never knew that getting married on your dating anniversary was such a big deal for some people before joining this site, either.  In real life I don’t know a single person who did this or cared. Your wedding anniversary becomes special in its own right. 

Your mother does sound frustrating in the way she started out enthusiastic about planning, and in the way she reacts and behaves. I get that part. But the realities of a destination wedding are often much different than the fantasy. I’m generally against the concept as a burden and imposition on others. I’d take her at her word there. 

No sharing the reception. 

Post # 10
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Bee I’m so sorry you don’t have the mother you need but mom’s busy being a master manipulator right now.  

I’m under the impression that your mother uses “dramatics” to get her way regularly.  If that is the case, just know that she’s doing it again and its pure manipulation to again….get her way and make things about her.  This is “N” behavior bee and you need to disengage. 

The means you don’t play the game.  Set boundaries with repercussions if those boundaries are violated.  That means to go ahead and plan your wedding as you want.  Let her know that you’d love for her to be involved but if not you’ll go ahead with your planning and wedding without her.  Then ENFORCE THAT!  Don’t cave to the hysterics, just either hang up the phone or walk away, whatever the case is and you consistently do that!  

If her bad behavior escalates….go limited contact.

I get it bee, you love your mom and it hurts that she can’t simply love and support you but the reality is she’ll never be that kind of mom and you need to treat things accordingly.  

Drop the resentment as far as your sister is concerned…its irrelevant and unnecessary drama.  You are not singularly entitled to that date.  She got married before she even knew there was a wedding on the horizon for you and why would she remember that its your anniversary date?  You’re making that about you bee when she had her own agenda. She married in secret for a reason….to avoid the drama and everybody else’s agendas.  Your judgement of her doesn’t make you look good at all.  Stop letting your mother’s ridiculousness rub off on you.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
726 posts
Busy bee

Your mom is crazy. I would continue to do plan the wedding on the anniversary date you already planned. Call your mom’s bluff, send her the invites, and see whether she’ll come or not.

What I think is important step: make invites ASAP and send to people early so they’ll receive them and RSVP before your sister. Seeing she might not have enough money to plan a wedding, that might curb her ‘belated’ reception and call her bluff as well.

If needs be, tell your mom and sister to change her reception date because “it doesnt matter, it’s just a number on the calendar” .

Post # 12
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee

First off, you should choose to marry on any date you want. Dates are important for some people. Your sister decided on that day knowing your feelings so – oh well you’re sharing the date, and she cannot share your reception. If she didn’t want to be celebrating her anniversary on your wedding day, she shouldn’t have picked that date.

With regard to your mother, she’s ridiculous! After everything that has happened I’d probably just tell her if she can’t be happy and productive that she just shouldn’t come. I’d call her bluff. But only you’d know if that would work. But honestly, if she keeps it up, you may really not want her there.

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