(Closed) Is my Mom out of line? Or am I?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

wow!! she needs to realise that its YOUR day, and u can have who u want there.

personally i think your in the right. im haivng the same issues at the mo, my family is huge too, but my mums been the opposite and has been like “dont invite them if u dont want to.”

your mum needs to relax and enjoy her daughter getting married! she can tell her family that its a budget thing and you cant afford catering /drinks etc for all those people so its just a very intimate wedding, and the backyard isnt large enough to accommodate (?)everyone.

dont worry. its your day – do what makes u happy. and if the family has a spit about it, they arent nice people anyway cos anyone nice would understand, and its probably best they arent there!!!!!! be strong xx

Post # 4
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@crosscountry09:  Your wedding. I don’t see how this is rude. If mom wants to foot the bill etc. then by all means.

It boggles my mind how family can be so bitchy when it comes to weddings. It’s about you and your FI… no one else. It is not weird to have a small wedding. Your mom is way out of line.

 

Post # 5
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee

Your mom is definitely out of line here. You’re not required to invite anyone you don’t want to. She can sulk if she wants to, but she’s the one who’s being immature. Hold your ground. 

Post # 7
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Your wedding, your rules.

We wanted a small wedding, so we invited mainly family because we felt that friendships come and go, but family is forever.

It is what works for you and your FI. It is great your Dad and Stepmom are so understanding.

Post # 8
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

She will cope, this is your wedding, not her family reunion, you invite who you like and tell your mother she can get used on her own time.

Post # 9
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Maybe you can compromise and do a dinner with extended family afterwards (on a later date)?  Like an informal reception. You can have pictures of the wedding and what not.

Post # 10
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m having an immediate family/close friends reception and my family is more or less dealing with it. It’s your wedding. You shouldn’t have to have more people than you want there. Just be firm with your mom and she’ll deal with it. I told my entire family “the day is about me and my husband. Deal with it. Either be cordial or don’t come.”

Post # 13
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@crosscountry09:  if your really worried about her being nasty about it and having a “sulk” – id hate for her to do that on your actual day!!! so maybe would you have just aunts and uncles but NO cousins?

thats what im doing. although half my aunts and uncles i never see so will have to see about that.

if she/dad is giving u money for food etc, maybe dont chuck out “we cant afford it” but your mum needs to realise that its YOUR day.

also another idea – this is what we did, is have an engagement party, and invite al the people to that, so they can celebrate with you but that wont be actually invited to the wedding. we had 100 people at our engagement party and are having 60 at our wedding!!!

Post # 14
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is having a small wedding due to finances or something you feel more comfortable with? If it’s not due to money then your mom will have to just get over it and let you feel like you had the wedding YOU wanted and not please her. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this, I hate, absolutely hate when family insists on you “must” invite so and so and you “must” have a ______. You want to look back on the day you married the love of your life and have good memories.

Regarding your moms comment… Yes, blood IS thicker than water but in order to get blood you must be cut. Does she realize she’s hurting you?

Post # 16
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think your mom is nuts.  Your dream wedding seems to be an intimate affair, and she wnts to make it all about family obligations that she made up.

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