Is my partner over his ex(s) – help!!!

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

There’s a difference between being “open” and totally over sharing and making you uncomfortable. It sounds like this guy has no idea what he actually wants, and is pretty emotionally immature.

I had an ex that would occasionally compare me to his exes, and who was always looking for something more; I get the sense that your boyfriend isn’t ever really going to be happy, and you’ll always be wondering where you stand. This is not a relationship that I would personally stay in. 

Post # 3
Member
1525 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Short answer, you’re rebound girl.  You’re there to help him get over his ex hump, even if he doesn’t realize it or admit to it.  However, you do realilze this so dear bee my advice is to walk away.  He doesn’t know what he wants and IMO he’s wasting your time and eroding your confidence.  

You can do this bad all by yourself, you don’t need the help.

Post # 6
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

He needs to work through this alone. And what the therapist said about him being “open” is BS. Of course it is important to be open, but there are things that hurt your partner and are out of place. I mean, if I saw an attractive man on the street I don’t have to go to my husband and tell him, it would only do harm.

If the problem is that he doesn’t know how to deal with break-ups, mistakes that were made and disappointment, I would strongly suggest individual therapy for him. He needs to learn how much information is appropiate to share with you. As an adult we are responsible for the reactions we cause with behavior and words.

Post # 7
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I would have stopped seeing this guy after he cried while telling me he loved me after two months and somehow managed to say something about his ex in the same conversation…

whattodonow13 :  

Post # 8
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

If you aren’t happy in this situation, and he won’t  stop… you are the only one who can change it, bee. Choose happiness, choose to be valued and honored. 

Post # 9
Member
1525 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

whattodonow13 :  So why stay in a relationship where your confidence is eroding, you not only don’t know where you stand but are being told everything’s your problem.  He’s not even owning up that he created this issue by constantly talking about his ex and he won’t stop doing so.

Solve your problem bee.  

Post # 10
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

whattodonow13 :  This guy sounds immature and manipulative. You shouldn’t be with anyone that you don’t feel like the priority.  

He should be mature enough to realize he’s not ready for a relationship, but unfortuantly he’s not.  You need to be the mature one to make that call for yourself – don’t put yourself through this any longer.

Post # 11
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

futuremrs2020 :  this 100%. I don’t know if it’s my age or what but my tolerance for wishy washy and general bullshit from men is almost zero at this point. 

Post # 13
Member
2844 posts
Sugar bee

This guy is a nonsense person. 

It sounds like he enjoys living in the past and lolling about in the drama of it all. It doesn’t sound like he’s ready for a mature relationship with anyone. People that make a habit of dragging up and romanticizing the past are not great people to build futures with. 

Post # 15
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

You need to move on. Some people love misery and they love company while they wallow in it. Sounds like this is a him problem. I will agree with a pp who said you are the rebound. He wont admit it, he may not even realize it, but you and he started dating fairly quickly after what sounds like a horrible break up and he hasnt unpacked all his baggage. He may never be able to unpack it while he is with you.

I would walk. When a relationship starts eroding your confidence, its time to go before you become like the other person.  

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