Post # 1
So, this past weekend was my 22nd birthday. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years (only LDR for the past 6 months) and we are truly, honestly in love. We live about 2 hours apart for the time being, after I finish my degree next december we will move in together.
For my birthday this year, he gave me a beautiful ring, as a promise to always love me. He told me he’s putting me as a primary beneficiary on his work life insurace policy.
Isn’t this something people only do when they’re married? He told me that “even if we breakup or whatever, right now you deserve it”
What does this mean? Does he see us being together for a long time? Am I overthinking something really simple and meaningless? FYI, I dont actually plan on him proposing until we’ve lived together for at least a year.
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
I mean he’s obviously serious about you, that’s for sure. But I don’t think it means a proposal is imminent.
Post # 3
Um. That’s kind of weird, tbh. “even if we breakup or whatever, right now you deserve it”. You only get a life insurance payout if you die, so what’s the deal with “right now”?
I would be more concerned about the “even if we break up”, especially given the promise ring and the narrative that went with it. FWIW I’m not a fan of promise rings, and although I like receiving jewelry from my SO, I have told him no rings until the big one.
Post # 4
Is he close with his family? Does he have siblings?
It’s a kind gesture and obviously shows a level of seriousness in your relationship, but standard work life insurance policy will basically cover the funeral expenses and that’s about it….
Post # 5
cherryb0mb : Married people make their spouse the beneficiary of their life insurance because life insurance is used to pay for funerals and the spouse is most likely the person who will be taking care of the funeral. So it’s not just a nice gift if he happens to pass away, you need to be prepared to use it for his funeral. After paying for the funeral, life insurance is meant to make up for the loss of income that the deceased will no longer be able to provide. If you aren’t married or even engaged or living together, it doesn’t seem like you’re dependent on his income and I would think his parents are probably more entitled to it. Unless he is estranged from his parents to the point where he doesn’t trust them to have a funeral for him, or you have contributed more than them to his living expenses, college, a car, etc, I would decline his offer at this point. Life insurance is not a yardstick for how serious your relationship is, it has a practical purpose: are you the person who will be arranging and paying for his funeral?
Post # 6
cherryb0mb : I would be really concered that he even mentioned “if we break up or something”.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
cherryb0mb : I agree with the majority, this is really odd. The part that got me was “right now you deserve it”… Life insurance pay out isn’t a prize for being a great girlfriend. Like PP’s have said, it’s for funeral expenses and loss of income. I would straight up ask him what he meant by that and why he worded it the way he did while giving you a promise ring. It could be that he didn’t mean it to come out the way it did, but I would need clarification. I would also recommend he keep his current beneficiary for the time being until you two have lived together for a period of time and are engaged or married.
Post # 8
Given the purpose of life insurance (funeral expenses and lost income for the spouse dependent upon it), his incredibly misguided decision to make you his beneficiary shows a level of immaturity that suggests he’s not ready for marriage for a WHILE–but that’s not a surprise given his age. Promise rings are appropriate for young people, so his very young behavior makes a promise ring perfectly reasonable and, I would say, a nice gesture.
And why are you asking if things between you two are “getting really serious”? I expected you would be talking about a guy you’d been dating a couple of months; after 4 years, you should be able to tell if things are serious.
Post # 9
If I have to put myself in the 22-year-old mindset I’m assuming what her Boyfriend or Best Friend meant was that if he were to die at this moment (God forbid and hence the “you deserve it right now”), he would want her to have any money left over on his life insurance plan. I take it more like a misguided mindset as opposed to a completely immature one.
But of course you didn’t mention his family so maybe you are the only one in his life he trusts right now with this? Maybe he does see you two being married in a few years so might as well put you on the form now and not have to deal with it later.
Post # 10
I failed to say, that I am not the single primary beneficiary, his parents are as well. So if anything were to happen to him, I wouldn’t get all of it, just some.
He also told me today for the first time that I’m his “soul mate” if that makes any of a difference.
Post # 11
You sound very young. Only YOU can know if things are getting “really serious” with your s/o. I think this is one you have to figure out between the two of you, without the help from internet strangers.
Post # 12
This strikes me as incredibly immature on his part.
Post # 13
It seems like he is caught up in love and wants to go to all lengths to display it. Its just a much more drastic gesture than most displays of affection.
I would say you two are just young, super in love and with that comes some immaturity in certain decisions.
Post # 14
Sigh. Young love. So sweet, so innocent, so misguided…
Post # 15
Sorry. This all sounds very immature and young love-ey.