Is my relationship getting really serious?

posted 11 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Am I overthinking this?
    Yes : (12 votes)
    35 %
    No : (7 votes)
    21 %
    Maybe a little : (12 votes)
    35 %
    Get ready for that ring! : (3 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee

    I’d have to disagree with those saying he is being immature and misguided. They have been together 4 years and he wants to make sure if he does that she has some money to help her out. I don’t think you need to be married to want to make sure the person you love is taken care of. His wording could have been better.

    Post # 17
    Member
    2577 posts
    Sugar bee

    I will reiterate that I think he was trying to do something nice for his long term girlfriend, but y’all keep talking about this policy like there is going to be a ton of money left after funeral expenses.  Typically, companies offer a $10K-15K policy and funerals cost about $8-10K…

    So leaving a few thousand dollars after splitting it with his parents isn’t really this grand gesture everyone is making it out to be.

    And if he switches jobs, this policy is no longer active. 

     

    Post # 18
    Member
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I think it shows that he loves you and wants to do what he can for you. He knows it’s not time for the two of you to get married, but it sounds like he sees a future with you. Why don’t you discuss timelines with him to determine how serious things are?

    FWIW, this doesn’t sound like “young love” to me. Sometimes the bees seem to discount any significant relationships if you are under the age of 30. It does sound like the two of you need to talk about how you see the relationship though! 

    Post # 19
    Member
    8820 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    cherry3b :  It’s not their age. It’s the promise ring plus the romantic but impractical use of life insurance as proof of love. “Even if we break up, you deserve it” is sweet but also immature.

    Post # 20
    Member
    2489 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I dunno, I guess I see this a little differently. At my first job out of college (my salary wasn’t much more than 30k, so nothing fancy but decent benefits) came with a 40k life insurance pacakge that was standard with the benefits. I didn’t really consider the aspect of funeral costs – I just made my niece/nephew my beneficiaries on instinct because I figured if I died prematurely I’d want anything I had left over to go toward their college fund. In retrospect I guess it was immature of me not to consider funeral costs, but I really wasn’t thinking about that. I think the mentality of a young person without assets is more to consider these types of policies as inheritance than meant to cover practical costs, especially if the family has the funds to cover funeral expenses already. Not saying that’s not misguided, but I think that may be the mindset here.

    All that said, I wouldn’t read into this regarding the seriousness of a relationship or the possibility of a proposal. If you want to know where you stand, have a conversation with him. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    1891 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You are 22 so no. This also does sound super immature. He clearly doesn’t understand how life insurance works…

    Post # 22
    Member
    642 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I have to say that I don’t get the negativity here. Maybe it’s because I am not American. I’d see it as a sign of love. My husband but then boyfriend made me beneficiary of everything which would leave me with about 1 Mio (I get that there’s obviously an age difference). His parents are in charge of the funeral ehich is stated the paperwork. I don’t mind because for me it wouldn’t matter. If they want to make a huge thing out of it they are free to do so. I won’t helo but I won’t hinder them either. The person who is gone doesn’t care. I don’t care. But it is widely known to all of us that he doesn’t want a funeral, just a cremation (about a 1k, I just checked). So it all depends on the hubup you want around death. So you definitely don’t have to spent $$$k from what’s left.  And OP might not depend on his money but isn’t it a nice gesture to know that someone wants you to have something left behind in the worst case scenario? To me it seems like a sweet gesture which shows that he intends to be with you for a long long time. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    918 posts
    Busy bee

    I can see what some other posters are saying, but I also don’t understand the negative comments on how you’re reacting to it. When SO got his first “big boy” job 1.5 years ago, we weren’t yet engaged. We had been living together for 1 year at that point, and dating for 5, but still not engaged. Regardless, without evening discussing it, he put me on that life insurance. Just me. Not his parents. I had no idea until we were talking about work-related things and he mentioned it in passing. 

    “Oh, by the way, I put you down for the life insurance.” I was a bit shocked because, sure, we had been living together and dating for a while, but we had still not yet made that step towards engagement. This was the most serious thing he could do, in regards to the relationship. It meant a lot that, despite not being engaged yet, he still felt so sure and confident about us and the future that is wasn’t even a question for him. 

    So while this guy does seem a bit confused on how things work, and has a weird choice of words, I do not think OP should be shammed for her reaction. That’s a pretty big deal, especially since they aren’t even living together yet. 

    And honestly, sometimes I hate the mindset on the Bee. There’s tons of brides or married Bee’s on this site that didn’t marry until their 30’s, and while that’s great, younger brides shouldn’t be shamed just for being younger. If it’s clear in a post that they’re very immature, sure, you can easily conclude they aren’t ready for marriage. But, as I’ve gotten older and interacted with more people, it becomes more and more clear that age means NOTHING. What is the REAL factor of maturity is life experience. I’ve met 24-year-olds who’s relationships are amazing, and they’re so clear-minded and mature. I’ve also 33-year-olds that are in really, really bad relationships and they act as though they’re 18. Age and maturity do tend to go hand-in-hand, but not always.

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