(Closed) Is my sister going to ruin our wedding? Vent and it’s really long. :(

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Well, that’s hard. *sigh* why people can’t just relax and put themselves aside for one weekend is beyond me.

It seems like there is a pattern here, as you mentioned “Everytime something doesn’t go her way, she pitches a fit and my mom fixes it and I feel like this is like the ONE time that it’s my turn.” You’re absolutely right about that. I really think that you need to sit down with your sister (and your mom too if necessary) and tell them both that this is the seating chart. Period. There will be no “fixing”. They need to either accept it for an hour and a half and behave themselves, or they can choose not to come. Their call.

Post # 4
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow, did you sister forgot to buy some big girl panties? I think she skipped that part altogether!

Sorry you have to put up with this. Have you tried being firm and just telling her that while you’re sorry she isn’t completely satisfied with the seating arrangement, you put a lot of time and thought into it, and that is the best you can do? And when it is her turn, she can seat you wherever she likes!

Post # 5
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hiya,

 

That does seem a lil bit pathetic if she can’t put you first just for one day.  It’s your wedding babes, so stick to your guns on this one.  Isthere a specific reason why she’s being like this or is she just always a bit of a brat?  Perhaps if she’s always been the centre of attention she’s finding it hard to share the limelight.  Whatever her reasons, don’t let her ruin this for you.

Do you have another family member who couldhave a wee chat with her?xxx

Post # 6
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Ugh – sorry your sister is making things difficult for you.  I think for starters you have to tell your mom you don’t want to hear things about your sister.  If your sister has an issue with something, tell your mom to encourage your sister to talk to YOU about it.

You can’t control who your sister vents to – and, since making a bee line for your mom is her usually method of operation, I wouldn’t think that’s going to stop any time soon.

If your mom balks at your request, just stand your ground, change the subject, or get off the phone/leave the room.  You’ve got to make some boundaries for youself, or else you’ll always fight this battle.

What did your sister do at your shower?

Regardless, I know how you feel because I’m having a similarly difficult time with my sister.  It’s like my wedding has turned into some competitive thing for her and she can’t stand to see the spot light on me.  The only thing you can do is try to be patient and polite with her and do everything to stand your ground and not lose your cool.  You’d think that of all people, your sister would be the one to be supportive, but unfortunately, it’s not working out that way.

I’d say just leave things be re: the Rehearsal Dinner.  If she comes back to you and says she’d like to be seated elsewhere, come up with a backup plan or ask her where she’d prefer to be sat and don’t make a big deal about it (it will only give her more fuel).  I only say this because it sounds like you told her it can be changed, if she’d like.  Normally, I’d tell her something like – I’m sorry you don’t like it but hopefully you’ll find a way to enjoy yourself.

Your sister is likely going through her own issues that are arising because of the wedding and the family time together.  Do your best to not get sucked in to whatever drama she’s creating – I know it’s much easier said than done.

Post # 7
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I may have some experience with these issues.  The only thing that I found that worked for more drama inclined people in my wedding is to take the wind out of their sails by not feeding into it.  One said, “I don’t like the dress.” I said, “Fine, you can wear anything you want in the same color”  (She wore the dress).  One said, “I don’t like the boys outfits.” I said, “Fine, pick something you like.”  One said, “I want to wear flip flops”.  I said, “As long as you feel comfortable wearing extremely casual shoes with your dress, I’m fine with it.  Everyone else is wearing heels.”

Once it became clear that I wasn’t going to escalate the drama, it just sort of all fell away.  The boys wore the ties I wanted, the woman wore the dress I suggested, and there was not a flip-flop in sight.

So much about this is about perceived control and getting a rise out of you… Don’t let that happen!

Post # 8
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, if I were your sister, I’d like to sit with the rest of the family.

Can you reconfigure the tables to be one big table and just put the divorced parents at different ends?

But I agree with oracle that you need to tell your mom that you don’t want to hear what your sister complains to her about.

Post # 9
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

“put on your big girl panties” ah hahahaha…… I love it.

I’m sorry that she is being so difficult 🙁 and don’t have any words of wisdom to share, but I loved that phrase and had to comment.

Post # 10
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hmm, I’ll play devil’s advocate and say that as your sister, I wouldn’t want to sit at the in-law table, either.

Granted, if it were me, I would have sucked it up for one night, because really, dinner is what? like 45 mins? Then she can get up and sit wherever she pleases. I wouldn’t have made a big deal about it.

But yeah, even if my sister and I weren’t close, I’d still be hurt. I’d definitely feel like I was being cast aside, and honestly, I’d be a little embarassed what guests would think if I were sitting at the in-law table.

But yeah, the way she’s complaining about everything is NOT acceptable.

Post # 12
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with DG.  I have an aunt who likes to cause problems because she is jealous of everyone especially of me.  She called the other day trying to stir me up over my wedding cake.  Said she talked to the bakery and they double booked my wedding day with another bride.  I said hmm I just talked to them and they didn’t say anything.  Thanks for the heads up.  It has been 2 weeks and the bakery hasn’t called me.  Why she took it upon herself to talk to them to begin with is beyond me.

I think in the future you shouldn’t say anything to your sister about the wedding plans.  I know you think you are making it easier on her to include her and not shock her, but in reality you are bring it to the forefront now and then it will be a problem from now til the wedding.  I would move her for the Rehearsal Dinner.  But don’t tell her or your mom.  Just don’t bring it up again.  If she wants to make a big deal out of nothing at your wedding then everyone else will see that the problem is her and not you.

Post # 13
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i think the only solution would be to get a very big round table and make folks sit around it based on their age-oldest to youngest.  or however King Arthur would have put people around the table.  Or do a Mad Hatter tea party sort of thing, and have everyone get up and switch seats for a fresh cup of tea. 

i hope your sis can put on her big girl panties for the wedding weekend.  it’s one thing to not be comfortable with the arrangements, it’s another to not discuss it with you and run tell mom and hope she’ll fix it. 

let us know how it goes.  i hope it works out for the best. 

Post # 14
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

Just tell her you’ve already let Future Mother-In-Law (the hostess) know about the seating charts and that she’ll be at FMIL’s table and it would be extremely rude of her to pull out now. If she has a problem with your Future Mother-In-Law, let her be a mature adult and deal directly with your Future Mother-In-Law instead of dragging you and your mother into it.

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