Post # 1
My sister who is also my Maid/Matron of Honor is planning a shower for me in May. I am very grateful that she is doing this for me. However, she asked me to give her the address of EVERY female who is going to be invited to the wedding. I am not sure I am comfortable with this for many reasons.
– The shower is going to be in ME. The wedding is in New Husband where we live. It is only about an hour away from me, but much further from about half of the people she wants to invite.
– The people from my FFIL’s side are all in NY or CA and most wont even be able to come to the wedding let alone a shower in ME. Plus, I haven’t even met most of them and Future Father-In-Law and Fiance obviously wont be there to introduce them to people.
– The people from FMIL’s side are all in New Husband or FL and I also have not met many of them. Future Mother-In-Law wont be there since she just moved to ND, but Future Sister-In-Law would probably come and might know them.
I just do not feel comfortable asking people to come to a shower when I either know they can’t come or if it would be an inconvenience for them to come. I feel like it is just asking them for gifts. That said I also don’t want to include anything about our registry in the invitations, but my sister said I should.
I am not a stickler for Etiquette so I have no idea how these things work. Is my sister correct in wanting to invite every female? is she correct that I should include my registry information?
Post # 3
I say only invite the people you know or want to be there. I also believe in including the registry information so that the guests know where to buy your presents.
Post # 4
Registry info can go on shower invites, no question. That’s the easy part.
Who to invite is a little less clear. Some people end up having multiple showers so that people in different locales can go to different ones. It’s all about who is willing to throw you one (it doesn’t have to be MOH). I opted for the ones close by since that’s been the case for almost all the showers I’ve been invited to and what I plan on doing for mine…
Post # 5
I had this fight with my mother, who is hosting my shower. She said because of our “old-fashioned” family that if everyone was not included that they’d be mad so she invited 80+ people to the shower and is now having to track down the 40+ who are failing to RSVP. I tried to explain to her that “now-a-days” it’s usually those closest to the bride who are invitied but she wouldn’t have it and I certainly didn’t want to upset anyone.
I’d say do what works for you family, if you think that people would feel left out, then invite them. People will send gifts if they feel like it, I wouldn’t take it as “gift-grabby” but I wouldn’t send one if I wasn’t that close to the bride/groom and couldn’t go.
Edit: I think it’s okay to include registry info since it’s someone else hosting
Post # 6
@MrsMath: I’ve always thought that showers should be intimate events. For me, even though our guest list is going to get close to 200 I can’t imagine inviting more than 25-30. If the only reason you’re not inviting people is distance, you might want to invite them and let them decide whether or not to attend.
I personally would not include registry info on shower invites as I’ve heard the only acceptable way to communicate that is word of mouth if people ask you or family/bridal party about it. That being said you’re not the hostess, so I guess it is her call. One thing I think you can add on the shower invites is a theme (like linens, kitchen utensils, or cooking) that might clue the guests in on what type of gifts might be most appropriate.
Post # 7
I would only invite the people geographically closest to te shower, and please don’t put the registry info on the invite! People will know to ask your bridesmaids or you where you’re registered!
Post # 8
Everyone invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding,
the other way around is not specific- however if I went to a wedding and found out I hadn’t been included in the shower invites( and I knew the bride personally I would feel left out.)
If I was you- I would 1. Invite all females from my side of the wedding guests and then I would invite his friends or family that I would be around or know, mostly this would be family, but maybe friends, but don’t invite his college roomates wife or something weird like that.
And yes include the registry.
Post # 9
It may be different for different families. In our family you invite all of the woman even if they are far away. My mom says its a courtesy invite. It has nothing to do with gifts. As far as the registry info, you can put it on the shower invite or your website. Its the only invitation where its acceptable.
Post # 10
This may help clear things up a bit: http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/228680/etiquette-bridal-showers/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-adviser#228678
1) Guests are the nearest and dearest to the bride
2) Very appropriate to put registry info on the invite as bride is not a host and gift-giving is the purpose of the shower.
Post # 11
@MrsMath: is someone on his side throwing a shower? if so they don’t need to be invited to this one.
Post # 12
Thanks for the help. I have been going through my wedding guest list to see who I would and wouldn’t want to invite. I already ruled out everyone who I haven’t met before. Now I am going through and crossing out people on FI’s side that I don’t know real well and live far away.
@W292737: I don’t know who else would throw me a shower. I am not close enough with any of FI’s side to ask them if they are going to which I guess is a sign that they probably wont. Also my mom said not to invite any of the teachers at school (i’m a teacher) since teachers usually do their own little shower. However, I am not going to go and ask them if they are planning a shower for me because I feel like it is rude.
I feel like I am thinking way to hard about this and should just sit back and see what happens. I am just such a people pleaser that I don’t want to upset anyone or come across as rude.
Post # 13
@MrsMath: I know what you mean, I’m contemplating the same thing. I live in NJ, but I have friends and family scattered all over the country (Cousins in ME, CA, WA, OR, DE and friends in FL, VT, VA) I’m inviting my close friends (yes even the ones out of state) and the east coast cousins, if they can’t make it they won’t make it.
Post # 14
include registry information on the bridal invitation, not the actual wedding invitation, for the people coming to the wedding but not the bridal shower put your wedding website up there and put your registry on that.
Post # 15
I would invite all the females you are close to, regardless of where they live if you’re only having one shower. You don’t want people to feel left out. You could also ask someone like Future Sister-In-Law or Future Mother-In-Law about your future cousins. Personally, I would invite cousins Darling Husband is close to, but if it’s a male cousin I would invite his girl friend he’s being seeing for a year or two.
As for the registry information, you don’t put it one the invitation, the person hosting the shower does
Post # 16
@MrsMath: Yes, your sister is right. My vote is invite every female – if they can’t come, they will decline. It’s quite simple. And yes, always include registery info on the invites.