(Closed) Is my SO bisexual or dealing with unresolved childhood abuse?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I find it odd that you are worried about his sexuality and not his desire to watch you have sex with another man…

Post # 17
Member
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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50days22:  Sexuality exists on a spectrum.  You aren’t just strictly Hetero, Bi, or Homo.  Many people, for example, are mostly attracted to opposite sex partners but have some level of attraction to same sex partners.  In North American culture, it seems to be easier for women to identify with this feeling because the whole “no homo” thing is so deeply re-inforced in males, but it’s pretty normal for all people to have some variety of sexual attraction.

Self identifying as “bi” or “gay” is a lable that some people may not feel comfortable with.  There’s no need to put a lable on it.  Your partner clearly has some level of attraction to males.  I think it’s relevant for you to ask him and explore whether he may think of himself as bisexual (or even possibly gay but closeted), but there is no need for you to choose a label just because he wants to experiment.  

I’m not qualified to comment on the trigger thing, but I seriously doubt that this is a way he’s trying to work through past trauma.  One of the way that gay people are stigmitized is by saying that their sexual orientation is a product of past molestation or rape.  It’s not true.

Post # 18
Member
7548 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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MammaPants:  believe it or not, that’s actually a fairly common fantasy!

Post # 19
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

I think you need to try to broach the subject gently with your partner, he may simply be bi curious. I think as a society though, it’s seen as more acceptable or even sexy for two women to be together but generally guys being together is questioned a lot more.

What does he think of his friend? I had an ex who had this fantasy, he didn’t want to do anything with the other guys but to me it came across as him wanting to prove he had a desirable girlfriend and wanting approval? Or maybe he has a bit of a guy crush on this particular friend. Either way I think you need to talk more or it could end up very messy. 

Post # 21
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

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Horseradish:  I understand fantasies, but some of them are just fun to imagine. I have lots that I love to tell my husband that I would never act on. :/

Post # 25
Member
7548 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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50days22:  well in Nevada it’s not against the law and the sex workers are licensed and get regular health screenings.

screwing a friend or acquaintance is also playing with fire. It’s just a different kind of fire.

definitely not for everyone, regardless of “moral character,” just saying you really should walk into something like this fully informed.

Post # 27
Member
7659 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

“I guess the reason I questioned him was just because of the other guy Isn’t straight.”<br />

Wait, if the other guy isn’t straight, why would he be interested in having sex with you? At the very least, I’d make sure the other guy knows what he’s signing on for…

Post # 28
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Prostitution is only legal in certain counties of Nevada, not in all of Nevada. I’m not aware of any male brothels but I could be wrong, Heidi Fless attempted to open one and was voted down by the legislature.

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