(Closed) Is my wedding absolutely pointless?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Missmurianne:  I don’t think it’s pointless!  FI and I live together, are committed, etc. so literally nothing will change after the wedding except for rings on our fingers πŸ™‚

Maybe you want something more casual?  Are you worried about spending the money?

Post # 4
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

No your wedding is not pointless, you said it yourself a wedding is a celebration of the couple’s commitment to each other. It’s a celebration of the life you share together. Have you ever thought that your family might be more willing to attend your wedding because the commitment in your relationship is obvious and it is not likely that you will be remarried? 

Post # 5
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Missmurianne:  I am not sure it’s pointless, but you need to be realistic about it. You could make a small, intimate ceremony special and a bit more fancy than a traditional courthouse wedding, you know.

Family/friends are what they are. You can’t change that.

We are opting to elope because neither family is particularly interested in a wedding… not because they’re bad people or anything. Also, his family lives far away. I don’t have a big family. We’re two homebodies and don’t have a ton of friends so having a big wedding would be pointless since we’d be uncomfortable and have to invite a bunch of acquaintances to fill up seats.

Involve your kids in the wedding. Invite some close friends. Only invite family you know will come and be supportive. Pick out elements of a traditional wedding that you love.

I don’t think it’s pointless at all if you can afford it and that’s what you want… you just need to work with what you have. It sounds like it would be silly to rent out a big ballroom if you don’t expect a lot of guests. It also doesn’t end well when you expect more of people than you know they’re willing to give. It’s ok to be optimistic, but you also need to be realistic.

Post # 6
Member
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

definitely not pointless if you want it! perhaps the traditional 200 person sit down dinner at a banquet hall isnt your thing but you could do a few dozen friends (and whatever family came) to a nice dinner in a private room. you could rent a vscation house and have a big bbq type party w the kids. you can take.just your immediate family (fh and kids) on a fun vacation and get married there….. there are so many options outside the ‘norm’

Post # 7
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

OP- maybe change your thinking from a traditional family wedding, to a celebration with your children and friends. You could have the wedding at your house, for example, which can be beautiful and incredibly meaningful. You’re right- your day to day life won’t change, however that’s no reason not to celebrate your union! πŸ™‚ 

Maybe look at creative venues, someplace that has had meaning for you and your partner, or for your entire family. A museum, a park, a theatre, etc. If your family loves camping, why not get married on a camping trip? Or at the beach, or Disney?

Post # 8
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honey, I wanted to elope and Darling Husband wanted a wedding.  Then I thought about it and I just love to throw a good party so that’s what we did.  We had been together for 2.5 years…there is nothing wrong with doing it after 7.  I think your friends and fam would be happy for you no matter how long you took!  πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

It’s totally not pointless! You could even do it with just your kids and a few close people. It’s about celebrating your commitment with eachother as well and it will feel good to take that step!

Post # 11
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Missmurianne:  What about an outdoor less formal affair. Check out the recaps boards. There are soooo many outdoor weddings that are so beautiful. I think you should totally have a wedding. Invite who you want and leave it to them whether to come or not. Do it for you and your SO, not for anyone else πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I know this is not a popular opinion around here, but I think that 90% of a wedding is nothing but a party.  You have the 10% that is the ceremony and legal stuff, but really the rest is just fluff.  As such, you can have any kind of party you want.  If you want to rent out a huge ballroom then do it.  If you want to go to the Carribean with just your Fiance and your children and have a ceremony there then do that.  Hell, if you want all your nearest and dearest to join you for a quick ceremony and then a group skydive jump as a reception then do that.  My point is that you do have the option of thinking outside the box and doing something that will make you and your Fiance happy.

Post # 13
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Missmurianne:  Would it be worse to have my parents come to my wedding anyway, disliking the marriage the whole time?

That probably depends on how outspoken they are about their thoughts.

Post # 14
Hostess
2556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think it’s pointless.  Your wedding will be a celebration of your commitment to one another — this commitment isn’t one that starts the day you say “I do”.  You’re celebrating one that has been there for 7 years.

Post # 16
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Missmurianne:  My fiance and I are in the same situation.  Nothing will change for us except rings and my last name. πŸ™‚  We’ve also both been married before.  Both courthouse weddings, and we don’t want to do that again.  But we also don’t want a big elaborate wedding either. 

I started out thinking we’d do a destination wedding in Savannah, Ga with our immediate family (parents and siblings, and their children) which ends up being around 20 people.  Then I thought we’d do the same thing here instead of in Savannah.  Now I’m thinking we should elope to Savannah.  With a reception here sometime after.  If we do a reception, it’ll still be pretty small and probably at our house.  Probably potluck style.  More of a get together where we show off the wedding pictures, and just have a good time with our family and friends. πŸ™‚

 

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