(Closed) Is okay to exclude certain people?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@rrozell:  

Personally I don’t think theres anything wrong with it, however, some people get offended by not asking their spouses to come. I have a simulair situation with my co workers, but if you are really close to them explain how your finances are shorter than expected and you may not be able to invite all of your co-workers, see how they react. If they are really your friends they will understand. I told all my co workers my situation and let them know that I may be able to invite them if some of my family isn’t able to come. They totally understand.  The whole guestlist thing is pretty tricky. Just talk to them and feel them out first. Ask someone who is married if they would be offended by not being able to bring their spouse. I hope I’ve helped you a little bit!

Post # 4
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think you’re better of not inviting them at all.

Post # 5
Member
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It is terrible etiquette to invite only half of a married couple. Please do not do this. If someone invited me to something and left Darling Husband off, I would not only not attend; I’d be pissed about it. He is my husband; he goes where I go! So in this situation, looks like it’s all or nothing, unfortunately.

Post # 6
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think this situation has much to do with ettiquette as much as the fact that if people recieve an invite and their spouse isn’t invited, they probably just won’t come.  It’s hard to say I would be pissed and hold a grudge my whole life because of it, it’s your wedding, you can do what you want, you don’t HAVE to accomodate me–but for the fact that I probably wouldn’t want to go alone and have to tell my husband he can’t come, I’d probably just stay at home.  I also think you’re going to get a lot more frustration out of this then you want.  I’d bet almost all 10 of them would eventually ask you if their spouse could come, then when you say no, it would be more awkward then if you just didn’t invite them to begin with. I would just explain beforehand that due to space you had to limit invites to close personal friends and family.  I feel like they would understand that better.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s not okay to exclude spouses.

Post # 8
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, if only one of us was invited to ANYTHING (besides casual friends get together, like girls/guys outing… common sense here) we wouldn’t go.  That simple.  I would probably expect the same thing if you only invited the docs and not spouses…

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d much rather not be invited at all than be invited and be told I couldn’t bring my soon-to-be spouse. If I’m not invited, I chalk it up to budget or space constraints and go on my merry way. If I’m invited and not allowed my spouse, I’m angry.

Perhaps hold off on a decision on the 10 doctors till you start getting RSVP’s back. You may find you have enough declines that you can include the doctors with their spouses. 

Post # 11
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Only invite the coworkers you hang out with outside of work.  If it’s none, then don’t invite any of them.  Put them on a B list and wait to hear back regrets from the A list to see if you have the room to invite everyone including spouses.

If there is a sharp division between office staff and the doctors then you could probably invite just office staff and not the doctors without offending anyone.

Post # 12
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@rrozell:  I bet if you don’t include their spouses, a bunch of them won’t come. I also think that they will be aware that they’re second tier guests when they see other guests who clearly were allowed to bring their spouses. Since you work with them I would not do this. You have to see them every day. You never know how they will react.

If I were invited to a wedding without my bf I probably wouldn’t go. I’m a new driver and still haven’t done a lot of driving… this would mean I have to take the car, not drink a drop of alcohol, drive at night.. etc. My point is that my bf and I like to do things together, so I wouldn’t appreciate someone telling me that he isn’t allowed to come. Just my 2 cents, though.

Post # 14
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d invite them to reception only.

Post # 15
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@rrozell:  Alot of people do the A B list thing but I would be to afraid to hurt someones feelings.

Post # 16
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I just had a coworker invite only me and not my Fiance. She knows I’m engaged but for work people it seems like she’s only inviting the person she knows. I’m not offended because it’s not like I won’t know anyone since other people from work are going! Maybe you should just talk to one of them and see. I’m all about communication!

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