(Closed) is our friendship ruined?

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Your English is fine, don’t worry about it!  Honestly, I think it’s time to move on.  If you are now finding out that they went on vacation after telling you they’d be there, you should have every right to be upset.  It would be one thing if something had come up for one or two of your friends, but not one of them even showed up.  That’s awful.  I’m sorry to say, these people are not your friends.  Friends don’t do this to one another.

Post # 4
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I agree with Melissa. It hurts, but now you know they weren’t friends, because you deserve so much better!

Post # 5
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry.  It is terrible that they haven’t even triedto contact you.  And that they dsappear from usual forms of communication…  It kind of sounds like they knew what they did would be bad and don’t want to face the music. 

I don’t know why they would be so mean.  Can you think of something you did to make them angry or aggravated?  Could they be jealous?  (Maybe they’re all single? ugly? broke?)  Although if they were upset, at least they could tell you upfront and say they wouldn’t be coming. 

I think to lie to you, not show up, and give no explanation for it before or after, says a lot.  I’m sorry, but it sounds like they were trying to ruin your day.  I don’t know if it’s worth it to contact them or not.  I guess if it will make you feel better, or get closure or something.  You can tell them off, and see how they like it.  But it might not impact them too much.

I know often times girls in a group often find one person to single out and dislike.  I don’t know if this is going on here, or why.  Ugg.  Sometimes girls are terrible at friendships.  So sorry.

Post # 6
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Man, the more I read about situations like this (and I had a friend falling out too) the more I think that weddings just bring out such weirdness in girlfriends.  It almost seems to be a test of the friendship and reveals people’s true feelings about things on both sides. 

 These girls sound like they are just flat out inconsiderate.  You deserve much, much better.  It is totally normal for you to feel devestated and angry by this and in time, that will pass.  Give yourself time.  But also give yourself some space and allow some new friendships to bloom.  You don’t need to have friends in your life who tell you on FREAKING G-CHAT that they were too busy for your wedding and then it turns out they lied anyway.  How lame.

 I’m sorry you’re going through this but your husband is right, if they appreciated you and knew how to be good friends, they would call.  You didn’t do anything wrong here, so don’t beat yourself up about it.  Just sit with your feelings and treat this as a time to consider what it means to be a good friend and what kind of friend you want to be to others.  Then really limit your effort in reaching out to these women, and consider putting that effort towards something more meaningful and fruitful (like other friendships, your marriage, your family, etc)

Post # 8
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am so sorry this happened to you..lots of hugs!

I am not sure why they did that, but it’s rather rude and inconsiderate of them.

Did they send a gift?

Oh well that doesn’t really matter..them being a good friend is what matters.  Hopefully in time they will approach you and apologize or make up for this.  I am sorry this has hurt you.

Congratulations on your marriage and we are so glad you’re here!  Wish you both a life of love and happiness.


Post # 9
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m so very sorry.  I agree that weddings really bring about weirdness in some people…but I’ve also found that they bring kindness from others that you might not expect.  Did you find that with any other friends?  I was just talking to my wax aesthetician who got married a month ago.  She told me she really found out who her friends were.  Her BFF was totally MIA, but another friend just flew out early and totally helped her out out of the blue.  I hope that you also have some lovely memories like that.  Maybe it would help to share them?

As for these friends, I’ve been dealing with similar hurt from my Maid/Matron of Honor.  What I’m realizing, though, is that when I think about it, her behavior is nothing new.  She’s been fairly self-centered for several years…I just didn’t need much from her before.  The fact that your friend could even think that it’s okay to say she skipped you wedding b/c of a "bad week" is pretty telling (nevermind the fact that she was actually lying about it).  The fact that she thinks "bad week" is a legitimate excuse means that she thinks the world revolves around her and is unable to step outside herself to see what she can do to help/hurt another.  Maybe she’s still fun to hang out with, but I think you’ve learned how reliable she is.  

I agree it doesn’t sound like they deserve your tears.  But I know that’s easier said than done…my Fiance and pretty much everyone tell me to forget about what’s going on with my Maid/Matron of Honor, but I can’t.  So I will say instead, maybe the way to think of this is somewhat as a mourning for the loss of these friendships.  Maybe they will still be a part of your life, but you’ve just discovered your friendships and their personalities aren’t what you thought they were.  That is a difficult loss to experience.  I’m so sorry you have to go through it.

And congratulations on your marriage!  You husband(!) sounds so wonderfully supportive!

Post # 10
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

First of all, congrats on the wedding! I’m very sorry you had this hurt to deal with not only on your wedding day but also thereafter since they are avoiding you. Honestly, if I was in your position, I would also just move on with things. If they contact you, great, but I wouldn’t make any extended efforts to contact someone who let you believe they would be there to help you celebrate the great day and then boom, nothing!

Although I’m not in the same exact situation since I’m not married yet, I already know the girls I thought were my friends back home are not. Looking back over the past several years I realize they contact me only when they want something, but if I need to talk or I’m excited about some news (engagement, etc) then they could give a rats butt!

So, you just need to make a decision, move on and try not to dwell on the people who were rude or you keep letting these people upset you (like your husband says) who aren’t worth crying over. Good luck! ::hugs::

Post # 11
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Wow. That is REALLY awful of them. I’m sorry, but it is. They all assured you they would be there, and then they don’t even explain to you why they weren’t there?

On the one hand, I get why they wouldn’t contact you — they’re probably very ashamed (as they should be!). But on the other, they owe you an explanation!

*HUGS* I’m sorry you had to be so hurt by those you called your friends. I do wish you the very best with your new husband, though. =) 

Post # 12
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

First off – *hugs* for having to deal with this. It isn’t very kind of them at all and you have every right to be upset. It sounds like your husband is on the right track with this and I’m glad you’ve got him there to support you! It hurts when the people you care about aren’t there for you, but I agree you can’t dwell on it and let it ruin you mood. If you find you can’t let it go, perhaps you could send a nicely worded message to the friends in question who haven’t contacted you at all? Something like "I didn’t see you at my wedding and I was sad that I couldn’t share my special day with you. It would have meant a lot to see you there, but I hope all is well and that we can talk soon… etc etc" to give them an opportunity to explain themselves. If they don’t respond, then sadly I don’t think they are worth the time and effort!

Good luck!

Post # 14
278 posts
Helper bee

You have a great support group here.

I’m sorry you have to go through all this, especially at a point in your life where you are now.  Perhaps these girls don’t reailze that yet and don’t know how important of a role it is.  How much you are hurting now is probably how much it will probably hurt them too when it’s their turn to walk down the aisle.  They’ll think back and realize how badly they hurt and lots a friend like you.

It seems like you’re moving forward from it all and we’re all really happy for you.  Keep doing what makes you smile and congrats on your wedding!

Post # 15
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Mexicangirl, I’m so sorry for this! There isn’t any excuse for them not showing up. They could have at least let you know that times were tough for them at the moment, and they just couldn’t make it. I agree with the other posters in that they were most likely ashamed that they couldn’t make it (except for the friend who went to an island and lied to you). I’m sorry you had to go through this…I wish you and your husband the best!

Post # 16
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you! ๐Ÿ™ I saw your updates and I’m glad you’re feeling a little better.

Honestly, these girls don’t sound like real friends. What they did is absolutely unacceptable, even for people who aren’t friends! To RSVP to a wedding and not show up??

Your husband sounds like a wonderful man and I am so glad he is there to comfort you through this stressful situation. I wish you two a happy life and hope that these girls get what’s coming to them!

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