Post # 1
I’ve always wanted to do a formal wedding to renew our vows since we got married two years ago before my husband deployed, but have been struggling with the planning. I understand that this can be a controversial topic, but I was wondering what fellow military brides think of this situation.
The issues have been budget and family. My dad was not at the wedding and only his parents were due to us eloping so quickly, so it would be nice to celebrate my marriage with our families. His family lives around here. My family lives a couple of states away, except for a few relatives including my Dad. The other issue with my family is that my dad is remarried and he cannot stand being in the same room as my mother. It would be rude to not invite her despite me not being too close to her.
Now that I am pregnant with my first, I just want to get this done since this may never happen and (it may seem odd) I do not want my children in the wedding. I just want to get this done and move on with my life. I already have the venue (all inclusive for the ceremony and reception), date (May 20th, which I may be pushing it with showing since I am already 20 weeks pregnant), and dress ready. I may have one groomsman and bridesmaid, which the tux will be rented and the dress will be a simple dress that we can find that does not need alterations. I have been researching planners and I may still hire one from my research if I end up becoming too overwhelmed. Quite a few had experiences with last minute weddings. I also have an idea on what to do for the other venders.
My husband is glad that we just eloped at the courthouse since it is done and over with. He said that if I want a wedding then I can plan one. After talking with him and his family, they think that I should wait another year after I have the baby to have a big wedding and it will give them and guests more time, but I don’t want a big wedding, since they are expensive. I don’t want to pressure my husband, but I need to make a quick decision before I decide to book the venue and send out invitations.
So is it doable or will it be too much for my family and I? Or is it too much stress especially for my family? I would love it to be able to do this and I would hate this opportunity go to waste, since I’ve busted my butt working over 50 hours with no benefits this past year to save up just for this. 2011 was wasted on working all the time, so this would be a nice reward. Unfortunately, I’ve just lost my job so I have the time to plan now, but it is frustrating how things worked out and spending so much time working there since I thought was going somewhere took up all of my time. (It is sort of a catch 22, since being paid helped me save money but it took up all of my time). I just need to make a decision quickly, but it is nice to weigh my options so any input (good or bad) is appreciated. Thank you.
Post # 3
I think it is certainly possible, though potentially stressful – I planned our wedding in 3 months and I thought that was cutting it short, but for everyone who said ‘no way!’ it was possible!
I voted other, however, because it sounds from your post more that you’re doing this because you feel you should, rather than because you want to. You said a few times “I just want to get this done” which sounds to me like you want to rush it and have it ‘checked off’ your list. Only move forward (and spend the money and time!) if YOU want this. It sounds as if your husband could go either way. If you’re not totally into it, then do something else with the money – take a trip, invest it, have a big party/reception/celebration to celebrate your marriage and upcoming baby.
Essentially my bottom line: yes, possible, but should? if YOU want it!
Post # 4
You certainly can do it. Do the guests know already? That could be your biggest hurdle.
If you go ahead with it I would definitely find a planner who is willing to work with you. It will take a lot of the stress off since she will have relationships with vendors already established and she might be able to pull strings that maybe you can’t.
2 months out from my wedding I”hired” a planner. She was actually free, advertising services on craiglist. She’s looking for experience and good reviews but she’s been a godsend and she will be getting an excellent tip.
Post # 5
Can you do a wedding in 2 weeks (it’s closer to 2 than 3…), yes. Is it super inconvenient for your guests? Yes, but they’ll understand if there’s a good reason. That said, I don’t think a vow renewal before you show/have kids is really a good reason to rush. You’re already married, this is, I’m sorry, just a vow renewal. No kids at the wedding is somewhat arbitrary at that point to me.
A friend got married in less than 4 months before he was deployed. That made sense and we made a great effort to attend. This rush doesn’t make sense to me, but ultimately it’s your choice.
Post # 6
You can do it but it doesn’t seem like the right timing. You rushed your actual wedding, don’t do yourself a diservice by rushing your traditional one. Why not wait until an anniversary?
Post # 7
You can definitely do it, but I don’t think it’s the best decision for you right now. It doesn’t sound like you are excited about it and if you’re not excited about it you shouldn’t do it.
Post # 8
Thank you everyone! Thank you for your honest opinions of answering my question and understanding of my situation without chewing me out. (Which I am shocked how “controversial” a vow renewal so soon could be, but most brides did not go through or even understand my situation). I really want this, but I hate rushing it. Although I am aware that this is only a vow renewal, I’ve always wanted a traditional, spirtual ceremony. Since most churches require counseling, that was a hurdle, but I’ve found an officiant who would come to the wedding that would bless the marriage. Although it is “just” a vow renewal, this is my chance to have my wedding and I believe (for my own wedding, I am trying not to offend) that having kids would get in the way. So in the sense, this would be like a “do over” for me, although it will still be presented as a vow renewal to my guests. I was not sure how to plan this because it is a vow renewal, and I did not realize until now that there is a certain etiquette for it. I am still learning, but I think that at least my side of the family will understand, and supposedly (but I am not 100% certain) his side of his family are not sticklers about that as well. As for planning, I was so worried about the potential opinions of my families getting in the way, which delayed getting anything done further. I am being too much of a pushover and I should back myself up. That probably would’ve given me more time to plan and send out invitations. If this wasn’t a vow renewal, planning would be so much easier. Honestly, if it was up to me, I would do it in another year or two. I was pressured by my family then my age (I’m 28) to start a family, and I thought that I could still plan the wedding out these past five months, but life kept getting in the way. I felt more comfortable waiting two more years. I am aware that I am placing too many standards on myself to get things done. So I do want it and the more I think about it, I get frustrated over how much time I have wasted worrying about time, money, and family. I am the type of person that needs to be 100% certain but life does not work that way. I am still worried about my guests opinions if I send out invites today, although everyone from my family has been already aware of the last minute planning. Again thank you for all of your opinions! I will consider them all when making my decision today.
Post # 9
Its possible. My husband & I planned ours within 3-4 weeks. Although we had a super small wedding!
Post # 10
I would say go for it!!!! Hire a wedding planner and just the 2 of you make the final touches without anyones input. One of the most stressful things with wedding planning(that I found) was when everyone puts their opinions in. Just remember to keep it simple and elegant and everything will work out.
Regarding your family I would just send out my invitations and let them figure it out. You dont have time to stress over grown peoples hang-ups.
Good luck and congrats 🙂