Post # 1
One of my DH’s closest friends since childhood got married last year, and we’re pretty good friends with him and his wife. They are both very capable professionals, but chose not to attend our wedding because it was during Ramadan and they wouldn’t be able to drink. Our wedding was 3 hours away (for everyone) on a Saturday, so they couldn’t just go to the ceremony I guess (most spent the weekend).
They got married about 6 months ago on a Sunday about an hour away and didn’t serve alcohol, so in all fairness we went out of our way to go to their wedding where we also couldn’t drink.
Another friend of ours got married in Cancun recently, and they went to that.
They basically said straight up that they weren’t coming because they thought it would be hard with everyone drinking when they couldn’t. I told them to suck it up and come and that it was really important to us for them to be there, but they still decided not to go. I can’t seem to let go and forgive them, it basically feels like “we don’t really care that you wanted us to be a part of such a special day, it will be a little annoying for us so forget it”. I mean, the main point of the event wasn’t to get people drunk. What do you guys think, am I being over-sensitive or is this rude?
Post # 3
Was the Cancun wedding during Ramadan?
Post # 4
@the boss of you: No but it invoved a lot more travel and expense than ours.
Post # 5
What time was your wedding?
Post # 6
I would just drop it. It was clearly a big deal to them that they stay at home so they could observe their religious traditions, and while their reason may be a little weak (not drinking), it was their way of practicing their faith. It would have been a stronger argument had they also mentioned the not eating and praying that also goes along with Ramadan, but, meh. I could see how they’d be uncomfortable if everyone was drinking and they had refrain all night.
Post # 7
Tough call– if they’d not said it was because they couldn’t drink, then I’d say Ramadan is a 100% acceptable reason to decline an invitation, especially when Ramadan falls in the summer when the days are really long, because a sunup-to-sundown fast followed by a long drive home can be quite a burden.
If they felt like they might not be able to resist temptation with everyone drinking then I might not be thrilled about the situation but I’d at least accept it. If they felt like they’d be jealous or not have fun, I’d have less sympathy. If they felt like they’d stick out like sore thumbs and have to answer a lot of questions about their faith from people who did not understand what Ramadan was then I’d give them a free pass on this (maybe that is what they meant by it being “hard” to be the only ones not drinking). I know there are some very strong feelings about the Muslim faith in some social circles so I wouldn’t blame my Muslim friends for not wanting to put themselves in the center of that.
Post # 8
I would not say its not rude as ramadan can be a very difficult time for some people due to lack of energy ect and driving 3hours is a pretty long drive for someone who has not eaten or even drank water.
Post # 9
It is my understanding that Muslims are not supposed to consume alcohol at all, let alone during Ramadan, so that excuse alone seems kind of flimsy.
What time was your reception at? Maybe they meant that it would be uncomfortable to be around everyone eating and drinking, when they couldn’t themselves until after sundown, as they’re not supposed to consume anything until then.
Post # 10
A lot of people didn’t or couldn’t drink at my wedding, but they still came! I bet someone didn’t even like the food, but they ate something else and sucked it up and I never heard about it!
The guy in the cube next to me doesn’t skip work during Ramadan because he can’t stand to watch us all eat lunch when he can’t.
So, I mean, yeah, it’s rude and a lame excuse, but what are you going to do now? I guess you aren’t as close as you thought. Live and learn.
Post # 11
If your wedding was during the day, I totally understand. They can’t eat or drink ANYTHING (not just alcohol) during the day. It may seem insensitive to you but Ramadan is a time to focus on your religion and pray, etc. Maybe they felt like attending a party doesn’t fall into that?
Post # 12
Okay, well nobody ever needs a good reason to RSVP no.
Do you understand that during Ramadan, believers abstain from food and drink every day? It is a time of fasting and prayer. They likely had to get up around 4am to eat their only meal for the day (before sunrise in the summer — it is super early) and participate in some rituals. I can’t see a wedding fitting into that, especially something 3 hours from their home.
Post # 13
i think you need to be more culturally sensitive.
Post # 14
@Shosha1: Very true, I always warn my coworker when I cook with real vanilla and he won’t even eat the stuff I bring to work. As far as I know, during Ramadan they aren’t supposed to eat or drink after sunrise or before sunset. Unless it was summer solstice and you packed everything away before it got dark they could still get plenty to eat and drink (non-alcoholic) before returning to their hotel, though. Having to explain why you aren’t eating is part of the deal, Ramadan is a sacrifice, it isn’t supposed to be easy.
Post # 15
Their reasoning seems weird. (Couldnt drink…alcohol?) If they meant couldn’t drink in general though, I would understand. And/or the combination of a 3 hour drive without much nourishment would be really difficult.
In any case, its the past. What can you do.
Post # 16
The ceremony was at 6 pm, the reception at 8 (well after sunset, it was in the mountains so the sun sets 45 minutes earlier).
As for the three hour drive, they have plenty of money and could easily have booked a B&B like everyone else. If attending the party felt inappropriate for religious reasons, then they could have left early in my mind, but a night in the mountains doesn’t seem like such a hardship.
They wouldn’t have felt like they stuck out – there were plenty of people not drinking, and no one in our group has any issues regarding Muslims.