Is Religion a Deal-Breaker?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Yes, it would personally be a deal breaker.

Post # 3
Member
8820 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

anon2bornot2b :  That would be a deal-breaker for me for the following reasons:

  • I would not agree to raise my children to believe something that I myself do not believe to be true.
  • I disagree with so many “Christian” ideals that I have a hard time seeing myself living happily with someone who believes them and bases their life on them.
  • But I also would not want to be a stumbling block to their faith and would not try to dissuade them from their beliefs.
Post # 4
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Faith is such an important part of my life so yes, it would absolutely be a deal breaker to me. Honestly, based on what you said I don’t see how it could work between you guys unless someone compromises on what they believe is true, which I don’t hink is something either of you should do.

Post # 5
Member
383 posts
Helper bee

I dont even see how you can get past this.

It’s a dealbreaker and a major one.

Post # 6
Member
3408 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think it is necessary that you’re able to be honest with your children . Ie. “Mommy believes this and Daddy believes this.” I think there are a lot of different tactics to manage interfaith marriages, but spending your life pretending to be Catholic and not being allowed to handle the discussion of other religions the way you’d like probably isn’t going to cut it. 

Post # 8
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee

I think this is a huge incompatibility that is going to lead to major fights and unhappiness.

I’m a Roman Catholic marrying a Born Again Christian. We have disagreements about religion periodically, but neither of us believe that people from other faiths are wrong and need to be saved or stuff like that.

I think it’s an extremely narrow view of the world to say “My religious beliefs are right and the one true path to God. Other cultures and religions are wrong.”

I personally could not marry someone who felt that way.

Post # 10
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Yes I think that would be a deal breaker… also forcing your kids to do that without him doing it himself the entire time you have been together I find very idiotic.

Personally for me forcing religion on your kids is wrong.. I find alot of faults within many religions and although I do believe in a higher power I prefer to do it my own way then go to a church/bible study etc… to me being a good person does not equal going to church or sunday school.

My husband and I have always agreed on this as I couldn’t compromise on this… if our future kids want to be religious when they are old enough to make their own choices then I will 100% support it but I am not making my 2 year old believe in something they later may not want to.

The reason behind this is that my Mother-In-Law is very religious… my husband is absolutely not and neither is his one sister (the youngest sister is religious) 

He spend his entire childhood going to church.. church camp.. not being allowed to celebrate halloween and other crap that he despised and made him unhappy and completely detered him from religion because it was forced on him… and he said he never wants that for his kids and I completely agree.

I wish you luck with this… its a very difficult decision

Post # 11
Member
1107 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

He wants to raise his kids Catholic and you want to raise your kids multi-religion. There’s really no way to do both or meet halfway. 

Post # 13
Member
2185 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m glad you all had this talk, and this would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. I agree with your way of thinking, and I was also raised going to church (Methodist) every Sunday, by my grandma. I had amazing opportunities being involved with the church and the youth group. I would do this with my kids, and like you said, also teach them other religions to show them there are multiples ways of viewing religion.

Based off what your SO has said, i think this is a deal breaker. If he is looking to strengthen his relationship with God and wants to raise children to believe his religion is the only way to view life, I couldn’t agree to that. 

I was going to suggest trying to work out a compromise. He can be the lead on everything church & God, and you can teach them the other religions. His comment about feeling like a liar if he told his kids about other religions is tricky to me. I am not sure why he can’t be the one to teach your kids about christianity because that is what he believes and you can teach them about the others to show that there are options on what to believe in. I don’t know if this is something he would be ok with, or if he expects you to go with him to church, and not talk about other religions?

 

Post # 15
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would consider it a deal breaker. I have a 13 year old son, and I try very hard to teach him that he needs to respect other people’s beliefs and ways of life. I teach him that everyone is equal and entitled to their own way to live life and they should NOT be judged, even if we disagree or it is completely different than our own way. For instance, I’m not transgender, but that doesn’t mean I consider it wrong. It’s just not part of my own personal life.

Just like I would never teach my son that racism or homophobia is acceptable, I would never teach him to shun or judge others who have a different religion. Not to mention there are literally BILLIONS of non-Catholics in the world who pray, love, and worship in their own religion – and they are WRONG because they don’t agree with your FI’s way (or any other Catholic person’s) of worshiping? That honestly doesn’t even make logical sense to me. Like seriously, I can’t wrap my head around how people believe that.

What if they all think he is wrong? What does he think of that?

What if you have kids and they meet a Jewish person and convert?

What if you have kids and one of your kids is gay? Would that kid feel “wrong” in life or shunned by your FI?

What if you or your kids fall away from relgion? Would you be second class to your FI?

Too many deal breakers….

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