Is Religion a Deal-Breaker?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 137
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Dealbreaker for me.

Husband and I both have the same views, so I’m lucky in that it’s never been an issue for us.

Good luck with whatever your decision.

Post # 138
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I am also sad the way the OP Fiance has been vilified for wanting to raise his children with Christian teachings. What about other religions that also teach that their ‘way’ is the one true way? I have friends who adhere to different religions and while their teachings are different, they all still believe their religion is the ‘the way.’ If they choose to believe their teachings and want to raise their kids with those teachings, that is their right. But you don’t see the mass rage directed at them for being close minded bigots like you see aimed at Christianity.

So often people with with no religious affiliation say ‘as long as we love and are kind, we can each believe whatever!’ Ok great, I agree with that 100% as well. But yet if a kind and loving Christian wants to live and raise kids with Christian teachings suddenly they’re controlling, child brain-washers?? So I guess what non-religious people really mean is believe what you want, as long as it doesn’t involve God. Oh the irony. 

Post # 139
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

anon2bornot2b :  I have read your posts and most of PPs post. One thing that I was wondering, considering your Fiance sudden change of lifestyle (statues, Bible, etc at home), is he by any chance meeting someone religious and have discussions that changed his belief from laidback to having rigid belief? Most people that I knew that have that changes happens more often because they met third religious party. Might be something to check so at least you know if it is because he has been hiding it from you from the beginning or just changed recently.

That said, it is still a dealbreaker for me, because if it is true, he is someone who is too easily swayed (if not now then there is another chance that happens later and  you already bound to him by marriage). If not, his current rigidity in belief and what Catholic marriage would entail as @MrsHarryDresden eloquently explained would not be a great fit as well.

Post # 140
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t fully understand the situation. Why can’t he let his children simply learn about other religions, even if he feels they aren’t true? He could always tell your children that he believes those religions to be untrue, but it’s important to learn about them anyways. Or is he saying he wouldn’t want them to be told that none of the are right or wrong? And on your end, if you are agnostic, why is it so important that they be agnostic too? What is wrong with them being raised in the Catholic faith if your husband agreed to basically teach them about other religions? 

Everyone is saying this is a dealbreaker but, as a person from a multi-faith family, I think there are more creative solutions to explore if you both at least attempted to be a little open-minded, patient, and creative. I am NOT saying it is easy, but I am saying that it is possible.

Post # 141
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

DrCrazyCat :  I think part of this comes from the belief that their religion is correct. If you’re a Christian you see no issue raising children with those beliefs, but if you look at it from the perspective of say, those weird fundamental LDS polygamist compounds everyone is quick to say “how dare they put their kids through that, horrible parenting, their kids need to break free”.

 

but as an atheist all religions seem ridiculous to me, equally. And I come from a catholic family and have friends of many religions so I see this all the time. I honestly think that religion would be better off having people come to it at an age where they understand what’s happening instead of being grandfathered in by parents. 

Post # 144
Member
2110 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

DrCrazyCat :  That’s not really fair.  The whole “Christians are so marginalized and discriminated against” thing is really not a thing.  Non-religious people generally don’t give a rat’s ass what other people think *as long as it doesn’t intrude on OUR lives*.  So… living in a Catholic country where abortions are illegal, or a highly patriarchal Muslim country where women aren’t allowed to drive, or in a southern U.S. state where gay couples can’t find a baker to make them a wedding cake…. that’s where the perceived bigotry and intolerance comes in.  When someone’s individual belief system intrudes on others’ abilities to live a fully self-actualized life.  

Also, comparing how folks raise their children is really comparing apples and oranges.  A basic tenet of devout Christianity is to make sure your children are believers as well so they can be saved.  Brielle explained this well.  Meanwhile, agnostics and atheists generally do not have a basic tenet of their belief system that their children *must* also be agnositics or atheists.  Generally it’s a “each to their own” type of thing.  I know hundreds of atheists and agnostics, and some of their children have gone on to become religious, and the parents are just happy that their kids are happy in their worldview.  The difference is believing different things and being ok with it even if you secretly think probably your view is right and theirs is wrong but who really cares – versus believing different things and knowing that because of that, your kid is going to burn in hell of all of eternity, and wanting to “bring them to the light” to save their souls as an obvious solution.

Post # 147
Member
10028 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

anon2bornot2b :  My first post (on page 3 of this thread) mentions my situation with regard to our children, to answer your question.  🙂

Post # 149
Member
11457 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

sqldudette :  It is so interesting that you raised this point. You are absolutely correct about how those of us who adhere to Biblically based/evangelical Christianity believe regarding the concept of people being “Christians” simply because they were raised attending a Christian church. In our belief system, no one can be “grandfathered” in, as each individual must choose whether or not to believe in and on and to follow Jesus Christ. In fact, I’ve heard pastors and teachers express this by saying, “God has no grandchildren.”

Within the faith, there is disagreement over free will vs. predestination (Arminianism vs. Calvinism), but that is another issue for another day and thread.

Post # 150
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Brielle :  I think one of the biggest examples in my life, is that my parents baptized me into the Catholic Church as an infant. Which gave me no choice in the matter, I am forever baptized as a catholic. As a teen and adult I never identified with the church and do not agree with many basic principles, I don’t believe in any god at all. So it’s weird to me have this connection to the church that I don’t want.

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