Post # 1
Long story short: We canceled the big wedding and got married at a courthouse. Lovely day, it’s what I wanted from the beginning, no regrets.
We sent out marriage announcements to everyone who was originally given a save the date. I checked etiquette website after etiquette website and they all said to send them out, take down any wedding websites, take down registries, etc. I did all of that.
One week ago, a cousin of mine told me that we weren’t “truly” married because we didn’t go through with a big wedding – a courthouse doesn’t count. Another cousin said that we don’t deserve presents (we weren’t expecting any) but two days later in the mail, I got the gift registry for her law school graduation (this is after I gave her a wedding gift when I wasn’t invited to her wedding – I thought that was the nice thing to do). One of his cousins asked if we got married now instead of in the fall because I finally realized I wasn’t ever going to lose the weight to look good in an actual wedding gown. Another one of his family members said that now she was “glad she forgot to plan the bridal shower” that she volunteered to do because clearly I wasn’t worth it.
Is this level of vitriol normal or do I just need to sit back and realize that my extended family hates me (even though I probably should have realized it by this point)? Whatever happened to “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”?
I guess this was more of a vent than anything else, but it’s kind of made the elation from the wedding and finally being married to him a short-lived memory. Slap in the face. But, I’m trying really hard to hold onto that feeling and know that he, at least, loves me and I get to spend the rest of my days as his wife (which, of course, was the most important part of this anyway).
Thanks, as always, ladies.
This topic was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by sushiroll84.
This topic was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by sushiroll84.
Post # 2
Ughhh. I’m sorry, bee, it sounds like you just have some really awful people in your families. Try not to give them a second thought, because not a single one of them deserves even a little bit of your brain space. Congratulations on your very real wedding! 🙂
Post # 3
that’s some horrid sh** that of your extended families said. Get’em all crappy christmas presetns, they aren’t worth your time.
try your best to ignore them and enjoy your newly wed stage!!
wishing you the best starting your life as mr and mrs!!
Post # 4
Ugh. Good riddance to them! I bet you’re glad at this point that you had your intimate courthouse wedding and didn’t waste time, stress, and money on these horribly rude people.
Just don’t think about it too much. Don’t let them pop your marital bliss bubble. They’re obviously just being spiteful because they’re too close minded to understand that what really matters in this situation is your happiness, and not the fact that they were deprived of a wedding to attend.
And law school graduation registry? Who the hell does that?!
Post # 5
Congratulations on your wedding and marriage. From the comments you reported above, it seems a courthouse wedding was the best choice for the two of you.
I’m curious as to what your response has been to some of these comments? Typically, I say ignore this kind of stuff, but the comments are so blatant, that they may deserve a response- in some instances, during an in person conversation, a simple stare or “excuse me” may work, but in other instances I might just say “wow! I’m not sure you realize how hurtful your comment was”. Be prepared to be told it was a “joke”, to which I may even reply “oh, I guess you can understand my confusion, as it was hurtful instead of funny”.
dont let these people get you down. Enjoy the memories of your wedding- be glad none of these people was there- and enjoy your marriage.
Post # 6
Graduation gift registry? Seriously, now I’ve heard it all!
Congratuualtions on your marriage, sounds like your family is a bunch of incosiderate yahoos.
Post # 7
Holy shit! No, this isn’t normal! These people are monsters and you DON’T deserve to be treated like that. I’d put some major distance between myself and these family members. I’m sorry this is happening to you. 🙁
Also, who has a law school graduation registry??? That sounds tacky and gift grabby as hell to me.
Post # 8
These people sound like entitled brats. Cut that negativity from your life. If anyone talks to you like that, tell them straight up that they are being very rude, that you are disappointed in their treatment of you, and that your life is none of their business, since they clearly don’t wish you the best. And don’t bother sending that cousin a graduation gift. And stop talking to them. Don’t let these awful people treat you this way. Surround yourself with positive people who are happy for you and would love to share in this special time with you. You are no less married than anyone else and you deserve happiness and kindness!
I admire you, OP. I admire you for having the wedding YOU wanted and didn’t listen to outside pressures. You saved a ton of money and were true to yourself. Congratulations, and I’m wishing you the very best in your newlywed married life! 🙂
Post # 9
Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate your kind words – it’s definitely making this situation easier to take.
To those of you asking how I responded:
-The cousin who told me my wedding didn’t count – for some background, she got married at 17 after getting pregnant at 16. Her stepfather paid for her $50,000 wedding and her credo is “everyone deserves a princess day.” So, when she said what she did to me about not actually being married, I told her that she got the wedding she wanted and I got the wedding I wanted, and that should be that. And, technically speaking, a courthouse wedding is more immediately legal since they actually prep the documents prior to the ceremony in the county that we live in (by the time stamp, we were legally married an hour before we said vows). I didn’t get a response to that, and she’s since unfriended me on Facebook, which I’m okay with.
-The cousin with the law school registry. To those of you who said gift grabby, yes – that’s her in a nutshell. She has a gofundme for her law school student loans. She demands extravagant gifts for every birthday and Christmas. Quite frankly, the graduation registry isn’t a surprise. My response to her was just that we weren’t expecting gifts and she didn’t have to get us anything. She said “Good” and we haven’t talked since.
-His cousin that asked if we got married because I couldn’t lose enough weight. I told her that was rude and no, we got married because we wanted to get married. She said it wasn’t rude if it was true, at which point, I bit my tongue and walked away.
-The family member who forgot to plan my bridal shower (that’s a whole other post from a couple months ago)… that one wasn’t face-to-face. She posted it on my Facebook wall after my mom and some other people started putting pictures of the wedding online. I’ve since hidden the post, but I haven’t found a good way to respond to her that doesn’t involve creating a giant family rift.
Again, thanks everyone. I always know I can count on the beehive!
Post # 10
Ohh girl, that is some horrible behaviour. WOW. So if you celebrate Christmas, I would send out Christmas cards with a beautiful picture of the two of you and a “family letter”. Do not be at all negative or even acknowledge any of those awful people. But I would send everyone a positive letter telling everyone of this years happiness as a newly married couple. What the two of you have enjoyed and done ect. and then end it with how the two of you were overwhelmed at the outpouring of love and support from family and friends. but here is the clincher, actually enjoy this year as a newly married couple and let those “special family members” just fade away.
Post # 11
Ha ha ha, a gift registry for law school graduation? Just no. I would have passed out from laughter if I received that notice in the mail. She is in for a rough reality check when she is actually working and does not get rewards for everything she does.
It sounds to me like a courthouse wedding was a great idea. You truly sound to have some very entitlted, rude, selfish, asshole family members. Just ignore them. I am sure they all think amongst themselves that they are brillliant, but to anyone else normal, they come across like assholes. Next time they say anything so idiotic, I think a nice long stare in reply will work well.
Congratulations to you and your husband, may you have a long, happy, and healthy life together.
Post # 12
Wellnow I’ve heard everything! A registry for laws school graduation? What a speshul snowflake! Put me down for a box of #2 pencils.
Post # 13
It sounds as if all these nasty people only affirmed your choice! No, it’s not normal for all of these people to be so rude. And a graduation registry sent to you in the mail? From a person who said you didn’t deserve a gift? What a sad lot. They must be pretty unhappy with their own lives to behave this way.
All the best wishes to you and your husband for a wonderful life together!
Post # 14
tbh, it’s probably a combination of things. it doesn’t sound like your in laws are particularly fond of you, period. But the fact that (in their eyes) you excluded them from the wedding probably hasn’t helped matters, and people have a way of being particularly cruel when they feel scorned. Also, it likely didn’t help that you sent save the dates, which clearly indicated that you had planned a wedding, and then changed your mind. They probably took that personally. None of this is to excuse their behavior, or to say that you shouldn’t have eloped, but simply that it isn’t uncommon for people to behave poorly when they feel rejected.
Post # 15
It sounds like you have a mix of 1)people whose feelings are hurt from being invited and then uninvited to your event, and are not able to handle their hurt feelings like adults, and 2) people who are genuinely terrible. I would try to sort out which people are which. If you think someone falls into the first category, I would ignore them until they have a chance to get over it. If you think they may fall into the second category, seriously cut them out of your life for good. Nobody needs that much negativity in their life!