Post # 46
I figured it would be a non-issue, but it actually really bothers me when I can’t share food with someone. My SO and I share all the time; it’s part of the experience of a nice meal out. We WANT the other person to be able to appreciate a bite of the deliciousness that is our entree. And I mean, let’s be honest, I typically want like four things on the menu and have to choose one. Haha
My ex husband was allergic to shellfish and didn’t like other seafood. It got to me more than expected after a while. Not because I wanted him to eat seafood, but because I wanted to share the experience and enjoyment with him. (He also wouldn’t let me cook fish at home, but that was an entirely different issue. Lol)
Post # 47
I’d be annoyed if my husband didn’t offer a tiny taste of his dinner if I wanted to try but honestly it happens so rarely that I actually want to try anyway.
The idea that people order two dinners in order to split them down the middle is a seriously foreign concept to me. I’m not really up for that level of sharing. Just get the entree you want the most… If you end up with food envy, rectify it next time.
This is all for eating out. Except in tapas/mezze places where sharing is the thing
Post # 48
I’m extremely picky so I never want what he’s eating. I also never finish a meal so he will just eat whats left over of mine when I’m done unless I’ve “ruined it”.
Post # 49
anabee323 : Darling Husband and I are total foodies, and in addition to that sharing food is an important part of our cultures. Even if we’re not at a tapas/small plates type of restaurant, a lot of times we will prefer to eat “family style” (i.e. sharing all the food ordered) which is what it sounds like you and your Darling Husband do as well. Nothing wrong with that, and I’m surprised that some Bees seem shocked by it.
As to the situation you are describing with your friend, it sounds weird to me as well!
yogahammy : The beautiful thing about standards is that you can personally set them as high or as low as you want. If you set them too high, you’re probably not going to find a spouse. It doesn’t sound like OP set her standards too high considering that she seems to be married and in a relationship that makes her happy.
No one else has to agree with anyone else’s standards and clearly you don’t agree with OP’s, but to say that someone’s standards are too high for expressing a preference when people express preferences all the time in relationships (ex. I want to date someone who is taller than me) is ridiculous. You’re certainly entitled to express your opinion, but obviously I don’t agree with it.
Like I said in this post, sharing or eating “family style” is a huge part of my culture. While I understand that there are legitimate reasons not to want to share (including preference), if I was to be with someone who wasn’t into sharing food then that person could likely not fit in with the vibe of my family and culture…and that was an important thing to me when choosing my spouse.
Post # 50
I voted “depends” because I think the important thing is why they won’t share food. With my ex, it was about some negative feelings he had around food that started in childhood and were connected to psychological issues he refused to address. Eating food as quickly as he could to ensure no one else took any of it and as a way of comforting himself was just a manifestation of those problems.
That said, whatever you both agree you’re comfortable with in a relationship is fine. Sharing and generosity are important traits to me in a partner, but I would never feel entitled to anyone else’s food. It’s more about whether both partners in the relationship feel heard and respected, which is why the boyfriend in your story would have bothered me.
Post # 51
My fiance and I, if torn between dishes at a restaurant will sometimes each order one thing we both thought sounded good and then share a bite or two. But we don’t order things just to split them most of the time. And if he didn’t want to share something with me I don’t think I would necessarily be offended. I certainly have been selfish about sharing desserts before when I’m feeling particularly piggy-like and he hasn’t held it against me.
Post # 52
It’s annoying the amount of posters who claim this should be a non issue for everyone just because it was a non issue for them. I honestly wouldn’t be with someone who told me I couldn’t have a bite of their food and had to order my own portion. My fiancé and I love going to places that do small plates specifically so we can do this.
However what would annoy me, and I’ve seen this happen often particularly with women, is when people refuse to order fries, dessert etc anything “unhealthy” basically only to eat all the fries off their partner’s plate instead. A friend literally tried to do this today, but the husband went up to the bar to order her a portion of fries with her meal because he was annoyed that she always said no but took half of his.
Post # 53
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
My husband and I always share food at restaurants. If there’s any sort of sharer platter or tapas-style thing on the menu, we’ll go for that. If we order separate meals, we always try what the other one ordered. We’re both quite foody and I love that it means we get to try more things.
To answer the initial question, yes I think it is important to us. Going to restaurants is something we do regularly and really enjoy, so being on the same page about sharing food makes it more enjoyable for us. I don’t think it’s any stranger than any other preferences – wanting a partner who enjoys the same kind of music as you because you love going to rock concerts or raves, for example. I doubt it would be a dealbreaker if everything else was great, but I’d certainly be disappointed if we couldn’t share food.
Post # 54
If I asked to try something on his plate and he told me no, I’d probably be taken aback. But it’s not an important issue to me in the sense that we discussed our individual feelings on the topic on our first date or anything.
Post # 55
I don’t see why it would really matter? Like my partner and I share food willingly, but I don’t see why it would be a big deal lol.
Post # 56
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
I think it’s a bonus if he wants to share food! But not any sort of criteria. Not a dealbreaker.
Post # 57
I’m actually surprised at the number of people who are saying that this isn’t a big deal to them. I also only see this as coming up in a restaurant situation for people who don’t have allergies or food resstrictions. If you’re cooking and measuring your own food, that’s totally different.
As a foodie and someone who loves to try different things, if my partner didn’t want to give me a bite and told me that I had to order my own portion, I’d be a little hurt.
I’m also lucky enough to be with someone who will share generously with me even if we didn’t talk about sharing and the reason that I want to share is that my entree turns out to be worse than his, which has happened. The fact that my partner is willing to do that for me is one of the ways he shows how generous of a person he truly is. Not saying that people who aren’t willing to do the same aren’t generous, but it takes a special type of person to be able to do that.
Post # 58
It depends I guess.
The other day, my husband ate his first dinner of the evening. He was going out later to a business dinner. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen making my own dinner and then right when I sat down to eat it, he wanted a bite. NOPE!
When I was younger, my mom would never order dessert because she was “trying to lose weight”. I’d order dessert and she’d want half of it. NOPE.
I think offering to share is nice, but sharing in expectation to get some of their food in return or just expecting someone else to share when they didn’t even offer is rude.
Post # 59
My husband and I have very similar taste in food, so when we go out to eat, we often order a few things and plan to share them all. It allows us to have more variety in what we eat, instead of just picking one entree. I also find that more and more restaurants are “shared plates” style where everyone at the table is expected to share the courses. I can’t say I ever consciously thought about whether or not sharing food was a deal breaker, but part of what makes my husband and me compatible, is our love for trying new foods together.
Post # 60
I was just talking about this topic with my coworkers!
Here’s a slightly different spin on the food-sharing scenario that one of my coworkers was just venting about: This weekend she made a snack for herself and went to go curl up on the couch and enjoy her cheese-and-crackers while watching some TV. Her husband came in, saw she had cheese and crackers prepped on a plate, and wanted some.
Is sharing to be expected, here? Do you have the right to be grumpy if you want some or half of your spouse’s portion-controlled snack and they say no?
In her situation, she judged the number of cheese/crackers she needed for her snack to be sufficient for until dinnertime, and that’s the number of crackers-with-cheese she prepared. If she shared, she would have to go back into the kitchen and make more.
(Granted, cheese and crackers aren’t that hard to prep, but feel free to substitute with something more involved to prepared, or maybe assume there was no more cheese left)