Post # 61
I’d be weirded out if I asked my husband to try a bite of something and he said no; unwillingness to share is a turnoff, and this would be really out of character for him so I’d be taken aback.
That said, sharing food (outside of appetizers or a family style meal/tapas) also isn’t something we normally do. I’m vegetarian and my husband isn’t so we tend to have different entree preferences when we eat out. More generally, if I’m out with people I’d usually rather order my own dish than have to worry about accommodating everyone’s preferences when ordering dishes to share.
Post # 62
anabee323 : hehe I feel like I share food, just not sweets.
When we go to restaurants, we get two entrees and an appetizer and both agree on the entrees. We split it in half or taks some of each others food. no problem, and its a plus becuase we can try two different things on a menu instead of one so when we return to that restaruant we know what we do/dont like.
Sweets is a diff story and my SO knows this lol. I will split a dessert if we plan to split one, BUT, if I ask him if he wants ice cream, and he says no, and I serve myself a bowl, you best believe i’ll give him the side eye if he reaches for the spoon. I had already calculated how much ice cream Im going to eat. same goes with pie or chocolate, etc…I legit start getting annoyed when it comes to my sweets lol, I have a problem and I dont care.
Post # 63
misslucy : I guess I should have specified that I meant this in the sense of eating out at restaurants more than eating at home. I kind of assume that sharing is less of an issue when eating at home because the other person can usually have a portion of whatever is made or make it for themselves.
Personally though, if I were in your friend’s shoes and there were plenty more cheese and crackers, I might tell my husband to get some for himself or that he could have a couple of mine if he replenished what he took from me. However, if there was no more cheese I’d definitely be sharing, even if I wanted it all for myself, because I think that’s the right thing to do and also because I would want him to share with me if I were in his shoes. If that meant that I’d need to eat more of something else, so be it. Both of these situations have happened before, actually.
But I’m also not weighing/measuring food and trying to hit certain macros. I know that makes it harder, but I’d still try to be flexible and accomodate my husband if I could. At the same time, I think he’d try to be kind to me by understanding the extra work and not making it a regular occurence.
Or for another example, if I had some sort of dietary restriction and the snack that fit my dietary needs only had enough for me to have some, I know my husband would find something else (or vice versa).
There is definitely that balance of trying to be kind to the other person, while still being equitable and having our needs met, if that makes sense.
zzar45 : Totally agree with you on both points!
franklymydearidont : That’s a better way of describing what we do at restaurants–we tend to eat family-style and sample more than just one entree.
Post # 64
- Wedding: August 2015 - City, State
I think the people saying not sharing food is some sort of character flaw while those who share are “generous” are off base. The script can easily be flipped to say that those who expect their SO to share are pretty entitled takers —also a big character flaw. For this reason, I don’t think sharing or not sharing food is by itself indicative of character. If something can go both ways, there’s not much information you can draw from it. With the question of sharing food, it’s all about preferences. Why this is a moral issue is beyond me.
Post # 65
yogahammy : I can’t speak for anyone else, and you may not have been speaking to me, but my point is totally different than what you’re saying.
If my partner and I are eating out, we generally try each other’s food, which I think is a given for a lot of people. If I’m like, “This entree isn’t as good as I thought it would be” or he notices that his is significantly better than mine, he’ll offer to share more of his. Which is an extra generous thing to do, especially since it’s not something I’d ever expect anyone to do, but that’s just how he is. It’s one of the ways he shows he cares and that’s a good thing, but it doesn’t mean that I think that someone who doesn’t do that isn’t generous.
Personally, I think that there is a big difference between not wanting to let anyone have even a bite of your food (my definition of not sharing/being stingy) and the person you’re eating with expecting that they’re going to have a significant portion of your food without discussing it (my definition of being an entitled taker).
To be honest, living in a big city with relatively cosmopolitan people I’ve not encountered anyone who wouldn’t offer to share a bite of their food…not just romantic partners but friends and other people that they’re eating with too. So it was surprising interesting to see that there are such different opinions on this. And the poll is pretty split down the middle.
Post # 66
- Wedding: August 2015 - City, State
Fair points. I have to say that I too am not opposed to giving my friend or husband a bite of my food if it’s just a bite to try. I don’t really view that as sharing though. I read sharing more expansively to mean you give away or take a significant portion of someone’s food. And if you read my earlier posts you would see that I said I’d give my husband half my food if his order sucks because I care about him getting enough to eat and we’re family. Can’t say I would do that for a friend though. Also, we went through a phase when my husband said he just wanted to try a bite and then he’d take an enormous chunk out of my dish such that 1/4 of it was now missing. That pissed me off because it’s not just a bite—it’s literally taking food out of my mouth. If we share popcorn or something he also has a tendency to quickly scarf it down whereas I eat more slowly. As a result he eats 75% and I eat 25%. That also pisses me off because I work out a lot and I’m hungry and he’s literally taking all my food. Maybe that’s why OP’s friend’s boyfriend didn’t want to share with her. And just because she gave the bf half her food did not obligate him to do the same. MissMarple :
Post # 67
I don’t think I’ve ever shared an entree with my fiance. It’s not that we’re against it, we just both order what we’d like to eat! We do often try each other’s though, especially if it’s a new dish. But we don’t split. Again, I don’t think it’s weird and I wouldn’t be opposed to it, we just both like to eat our own dish.
Post # 68
- Wedding: August 2015 - City, State
Ugh the site ate my response so trying again.
I have to say that I too am not opposed to giving my friend or husband a bite of my food if it’s just a bite to try. I don’t really view that as sharing though. I read sharing more expansively to mean you give away or take a significant portion of someone’s food. And if you read my earlier posts you would see that I said I’d give my husband half my food if his order sucks because I care about him getting enough to eat and we’re family. Can’t say I would do that for a friend though. Also, we went through a phase when my husband said he just wanted to try a bite and then he’d take an enormous chunk out of my dish such that 1/4 of it was now missing. That pissed me off because it’s not just a bite—it’s literally taking food out of my mouth. If we share popcorn or something he also has a tendency to quickly scarf it down whereas I eat more slowly. As a result he eats 75% and I eat 25%. That also pisses me off because I work out a lot and I’m hungry and he’s literally taking all my food. Maybe that’s why OP’s friend’s boyfriend didn’t want to share with her. And just because she gave the bf half her food did not obligate him to do the same. Indeed, in my experience, it’s usually the people who like to “share” that take tons of food, rack up the bill on stuff that doesn’t get eaten, etc. MissMarple :
Post # 68
If it is decided at the beginning of the meal that we’re sharing, then I don’t have a problem with it. However, it irritates me to no end when I order a meal, and then someone decides they want to share. No! Eat your own dang meal. I ordered this for a reason. My husband’s classic line, when I’m two bites into a meal, “If you don’t want all of that, I’ll finish it for you.” SMH. lol
Now a bite to test it out, that is ok, but wanting a larger portion of it? No. I like my leftovers!
Post # 69
This isn’t an issue for me. I pretty much never want to taste any of SO’s food because we have different tastes and I’m not a foodie. If he asks for a bite of mine I will give, but otherwise I eat my own meal unless we agreed all the meals would be shared beforehand. I don’t mind sharing but it’s not a deal-breaker.
And why is everyone only talking about entrees? Do you only share entrees and not mains?? Or dessert?
And as far as the cheese and crackers thing yes my SO usually does ask to have some and it bothers me a little because I don’t want to have to get up and get more but I just deal with it because sharing food is a big part of his culture (not mine) and he gets upset if I don’t want to share things.
My thought is that if someone asks me to try my food I will always say yes but I don’t like being expected to automatically offer everyone some of every food I eat. My SO was actually very offended that I wasn’t offering him some of every meal (even if he would always decline) because that’s an important part of his culture. I had no clue, we don’t do that where I’m from.
Post # 70
ArcadiaRose : In much of North America, entrees = mains. I think the OP is from the US/Canada.
Most people share appetizers/starters, so that’s probably why many people are not talking about appetizers/starters (I guess what you’d term as an entree?).
Post # 71
misslucy : If I was making/getting myself a snack, I would always ask my Darling Husband if he wanted anything, and vice versa.
While eating out, I don’t think my Darling Husband and I have ever shared an entree, because we have different tastes. Although I would love to be able to try more than one thing, it just doesn’t work for us. BUT we always offer each other bites of our food, and I would find it super strange if my partner didn’t allow me to have a bite of what he ordered. I also have zero problem with sharing a bite with family/friends/whoever I’m out with – I rarely finish a full restaurant entree because the portions are generally quite large (small plates are different) so to not share seems greedy to me.
Post # 72
- Wedding: November 2017 - France
I have a lot of allergies and generally stick to my safe meals, my husband is much more adventurous so he will order things I can’t eat and I’m fine with that. We eat the same things at home so reason to do that while we’re dining out. I’ll ask him how his meal or appetizer was and that’s that.
Post # 73
I 100% will share, but I WILL NOT share a dessert I have ordered for myself, double checked he doesn’t want any and then asks for a bite once it’s arrived, (especially small desserts OR cheesecake)
I offered to buy you your own, no bite for you. HAH
Post # 74
It’s more important to me that Darling Husband doesn’t put me at unnecessary risks of an allergic reaction. This means that we don’t cook certain foods at home, so if he wants them he needs to get them elsewhere, most often a restaurant.