Post # 1
Really need to rant…
So my bf’s cousin (who is like his sister) got engaged in March, her SO jetted her to Paris for the proposal. When they got back she organised a family party to break the news to us all. I was happy for her but also found it a bit difficult as she and her SO have been together for the same amount of time as me and my bf.
The next day she had created a facebook album with 22 close up photos of the engagement ring from different angles and in different light etc. She had over 100 comments on it and I found this a bit much.
Since then, she has had 2 more engagement parties with one more to come. The second one was for friends (which my bf and I went to) and was so extravagent! The third was another family party (which we attended) and the fourth in Sep will be for family and friends and will run for 12 hours. There are so many people invitied that the guests are being phased with different people arriving at different times throughout the day to prevent over-crowding!
The wedding is in about a years time and is the other side of the world, which means that me and my bf have to put any plans we might have had on hold and save frantically to afford it. My bf told me that if we don’t go there would be ‘serious repercussions’ in the family. I feel like this indirectly means that my bf wont propose to me for at least a year, as he now wont be able to afford a ring and I dont think he would propose without one
We are saving every penny we have to be able to go, and I feel like the bride to be is acting like a celebrity. She has sent around an email saying what colours we aren’t allowed to wear for the wedding, and every family lunch for months now has been dominated by talking about her wedding. When I try to tell my bf how hard I find it, he calls me bitter and says I should be happy for her, but its getting so frustrating, and the wedding isnt for another year!
Any words of wisdom?
Post # 3
Hmm this is a bizarre situation. First of all Im sorry your BF isnt supporting you when you tell him this bothers you. Seems he is very close to his family and doesnt want to dissapoint them but this is taking its toll on you. Is she also requiring gifts at all these parties? Is there anyway you could explain to his family that you just cant afford to go? Would they be willing to help you pay for any travel expenses? Im not eve sure where to go with this because its so odd that shes demanding so much, I hope it doesnt continue like this for every party like bridal showers, stag and does etc….
Post # 4
@princess_moody: She sounds awful. I say let your BF go to this wedding alone. That way you don’t have to deal with her, and all the money you save on airfare can go to your ring instead. If his family is really going to be so upset that you aren’t attending, let them pay for your travel costs. “I couldn’t afford to fly across the world for my own wedding, let alone someone else’s” is a perfectly good excuse.
Don’t complain to your guy about all this, though. That’s what friends are for. He’s obviously close to her, and you do not want to come across as jealous or competing for his affection. Hold your head high, be gracious, and find some hobby or cause or club to get involved in so you can start skipping some of these family lunches.
Post # 5
Wow its a bit much. Everyone elses life does not have to stop just because she is getting married.
I dunno, you will just have to suck it up. If there will be repercussions if you dont go, what can you do? Just make an excuse not to attend any more functions.
Post # 6
Thank you all soo much for the support. Bf’s family have offered to help financially as its the only way we can go, but we still have a lot of saving to do! You’re right, he is incredibly close to his family and not attending a function is really making a statement in their eyes so that’s not really possible unless I want to start world war 3!
That’s good advice about not complaining to my bf – you’re right, it does me no favours. It’s so frustrating though, makes me want to explode!
Post # 7
Yikes. This is more than over the top.
Iwould start song writing or mental agility gaming in my head when this conversation starts.
Brides are often insufferable but she’s taking the cake!
Post # 8
Im not someone to pass judgement, but it sounds like she is more excited about the engagement/wedding than being married to the man who loves her. BUT, dont listen to me, I only have what you wrote to go off of. 🙂
Im sorry, this must be hard for you. Not only is it something you cant just ignore for a while (since she has a party about once a month), but now you have to put your lives on hold for an expensive wedding. I was in a (sorta) simliar situation. My SOs family got together and decided to go to Italy to celebrate his graduation.I was still in college but was expected to pay my own way. I tried to “get out of it” for financial reasons, but my SO kept telling me it wouldnt be the same without me…that I was what made it fun. And his mom was EXPECTING me. So I was stuck, kinda like you. I pinched pennies and made it work…and it was fun.
Even though it stinks that this puts your future on hold for a moment, if you have to go at least think of this up side: you get to go to Paris (Im guessing?) with the man you love! Thats worth something at least 🙂
Post # 9
@princess_moody: Oh lordy… she sounds like a bridezilla already. Crappy situation – especially since your SO feels obligated to go.
Post # 10
If she’s as close to your SO as you say, then you really don’t have a choice about going. You have to do whatever it takes to try to attend, anything else is just going to cause your SO to question if you are supportive enough of him and his family.
Post # 11
I know it is hard, but you should try to look at this situation really neutrally. If you were already engaged or married would you still be having these feelings? It might be over the top but if you were already engaged/married you would probably be laughing at her over the top behavior…it sounds like you are a little jealous about the situation. Sorry, not trying to be harsh, but I think your reaction would be different if she wasn’t in the place you would like to be in yourself.
Post # 12
I dont agree with PP.
It’s not her fault she had 100 comments on her pictures. And considering that most brides do post ring pictures on facebook, it’s not out of norm these days. Also, if she’s having the engagement parties, and they are so large… what’s the big deal? She can apparently afford it or her parents are willing to pay for it, and they obviously have enough interest for people to attend each event. They are not forcing you to go to each one of them. Or to stay for long periods of time. As for the wedding, that’s an issue that is not her fault either. She picked a destination wedding and most likely expects people not to attend because of the distance.
As for your engagement, if it wasn’t this destination wedding in a year, it could be his car breaking down, or large loan payments. Anything financial could derail him. It’s unfair to blame this girl’s wedding on why you have a delay in your engagement.
The only thing that I find “diva” is the telling guests what colors not to wear. Everything else sounds completely normal for bridal behavior.
Yes, it’s hard to see someone get engaged before you, and even more so when that wedding is brought up frequently or interferes with your plans. But these things happen. Do a search. This is a common complaint. PP calling her a bridezilla or a diva is just going to inflate your feelings that you are in the right. So, I am going to lay it out straight, as a complete stranger just offering my two cents: I think you are jealous and it is clouding your judgement over this girl’s wedding.
Post # 13
OP, was just reading some other topics and realized you had posted in another board about how you know your boyfriend won’t propose without a stable income and that makes it an obstacle. So thinking further about what you said, I really do think you may have a case of the green eyed monster right now. You also said you were okay with waiting on someone else’s post which makes me wonder why the perceived delay is bothering you?
Also agree with @ohmybears48 that having so many engagement parties is not a big deal. Usually you don’t throw yourself parties and they are thrown by family members or friends and it is difficult to say no to someone who wants to throw you a party.
Post # 14
You can’t control what other people are going to do, but you can choose to control how you react to it. Sounds like jealousy because you’re not engaged yet. Which is fine, everyone gets jealous, it’s normal. But own it.
Post # 15
Thanks for all the replies, guess i am just a bitter and jealous person. Thanks for helping me to realise this x
Post # 16
If they have the money to spend on extravagant parties, I don’t think it’s over the top. They are excited and that’s totally ok. I definitely understand how you feel, but it is because of jealousy (that does NOT make you a bad person or anything like that!!). This is one time that I think “waiting” is going to work to your advantage! Since it’s going to be a destination wedding, plans will have to made far in advance. Since you are not technically engaged, I think you’ll be able to get away with sending him to his family member’s wedding, while you stay at home.