(Closed) Is she being OTT or am I just bitter?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ohmybears48:  I agree with your whole post.  No need for me to add anything else, lol.

Post # 18
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@princess_moody:  I don’t think anyone called you a bitter and jealous person. You asked if you were being jealous in this situation and people gave you honest answers about your jealousy of this situation- not of you as a person. I would not take it that way.

Post # 19
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Personally I wouldn’t go, can you send him alone cutting the cost in half? I don’t think it’s reasonable to EXPECT that a cousin would put his own engagement on hold like that. Are you sure it’s not a matter of him not wanting to break with family on this. Maybe if he just says the money isn’t there then they would understand. I don’t think your jealous at all, just bummed at the situation.

Post # 20
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes your jealous and frankly, I would be a little as well. How frustating it is to barely able to afford a wedding only to have to save for someone elses. Now THAT part would probably bother me a whole lot. And the color thing is over the top. However, I’d try to focus on what you can control. You can get engaged from now (have you and your SO discussed it yet?) and start to plan your lives together. 

Post # 21
Member
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’d be pissed. That said, there’s not a whole lot you can do about it. Some people are prima donnas, and some are just popular people who generally handle it gracefully (though the whole “colors you can’t wear” thing makes me wonder whether she’s really in that second category…. but give her the benefit of the doubt for now.) I agree with PPs, you don’t have to go. Conveniently have a family reunion or a work conference or something at that time, and make it “mandatory.” Stay home, save the $$, and let SO know that you’d be fine with a smaller/less expensive ring.

If you absolutely, positively cannot get off the hook, think of it this way: It’ll be a partially subsidized vacation for the two of you in an exotic locale. Which is something that you probably don’t get very often if you’re as strapped for cash as you say.

Post # 22
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

It’s hard to handle news of other people’s engagement, especially if they are not extremely nice and polite people. I would be somewhat jealous, honestly. 4 engagement parties? Sign me up! I’m sure it’s a great feeling when everyone is as excited about your engagement as you are!

But keep your head up. If you and your bf have seriously talked about getting engaged soon, this shouldn’t impede his progress. Hopefully this experience will be more pleasant than it’s starting off to be.

Post # 23
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yikes that sounds rough – I’m sorry 🙁  Honestly, if it comes down to a choice between your relationship/proposal/wedding or hers – I say skip hers.  Don’t put your life on hold!  Your day will come and be amazing – try and be patient! 🙂

Post # 24
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would say smile and get through it. Personally I would drink wine to tolerate being around her since she sounds a bit awful. I would not suggest skipping her wedding, she is most likely going to be your sister in law someday and missing it will cause a strain on your relationship with her and his family for a very long time. I would also hide her fb status updates. I’ve had to do this with SO many girls who go overboard and it made everything so much better. Good luck!

Post # 27
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@princess_moody:  HI Princess Moody, I think it is unfair/extreme that people are calling you simply ‘jealous’. It is over the top to have so many engagement parties and post more than say 3 pics of your ring on facebook – every engaged girl knows  that her un-engaged friends & famkily are going to say to themselves ‘why isn’t it me’.. and whilst they suck it up and are genuinely happy for you, you do your bit not to rub it in their face! 

Secondly,  it is completely normal to want to think about your own wedding and not have to save for somebody elses. Please don’t fee terrible about this. But try to be level headed about it all 🙂 

I agree with the other girls’ advice that you shouldn’t complain to your bf. It isn’t attractive and does you no favours. Also, finding a new hobby or volunteering can give you the perfect excuse to excuse yourself from further events, and something more meaninful to talk about than ‘engagement party no. 3’. 

Soon enough you’ll be engaged too!! 🙂 

xx

Post # 28
Hostess
2683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I also wonder, OP, is BF’s family (the cousins) part of another culture? I’m not trying to be annoying, but as someone who lives in central asia weddings are a HUGE freakin’ deal. (Here in Afghanistan, people spend themselves into debt for the rest of their lives for their kids wedding. I’m talking like 500-2000 guests, 30-40k USD, etc. and This is one of the poorest places in the world. It’s crazy). So while the multiple engagement parties, etc seems annoyingly over the top, this might not be really out of the norm for a lot of cultures. For example, some of my Arab friends have multiple engagement parties as well. If this is the case, then it’s even more of an incentive to let it go.

I totally understand feeling a bit jealous and upset about it all. But like PPs have mentioned, you can’t change any of this, all you can do is the way you react to it. Getting to travel abroad with your boyfriend to attend a huge party? That sounds pretty amazing. 

Post # 29
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

You couldn’t pay me to go to this chick’s wedding! Bleh. I hate gaudy things. And I can’t stand Gaudy people.

Play the Poor mans card and see if you can get out of it. If your SO ask you what’s up then you should be honest with him about your feelings. If the family is helping you financially it will be awesome to go to Paris. but even if they pay the airfair there is still hotel, spending expences and at least one (or more) gifts depending on how many of these socially elite parties this chick is throwing. Bleh Bleh Bleh. t

Try to make the best out of it and hold your head high. Re-affirm to your man that this is not the goings on that will be happening at YOUR wedding, no sir. Let him know how you want things…while being cool about it.

 

OH and By The Way: I do not think you are being jealous or bitter at all. thats 1% talk.

Post # 30
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  I have to disagree with the 1% talk thing… For myself, we are struggling to pay for our $5,000 wedding and I know that no matter what I would be crazy jealous, even if it was my very best friend it would be really really hard. We aren’t saying she’s a bad person for being jealous, and we aren’t using that word in a bad way. Obviously, if she had crazy amounts of money to spend on crazy amounts of parties, she wouldn’t think as much about this. Hell, I’m filled with jealousy reading about this girls elaborate parties!!

Post # 31
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@princess_moody:  Again, I dont think she is being unreasonable at all (except for the color thing, if it wasn’t a joke). Obviously, you are on a wedding website where all day long, we talk about our weddings or SOs. I think you therefore understand that most brides are excited to talk about their wedding and celebrate when possible.

Seriously, PP… why resort to calling her a bridezilla or a horrible person? That’s some women-hating sh$t that I cant stand. You dont know this girl or her side of the story. Maybe it is traditional to have multiple engagement parties, or perhaps her family or friends are throwing them for her.  

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