(Closed) Is she in or out?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?
    Assume she's not a bridesmaid because she hasn't responded and continue plans without her. : (8 votes)
    28 %
    Ask her if she's made up her mind yet, even if it will be very awkward. : (21 votes)
    72 %
    Other, please explain below :) Thanks! : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    You really need to ask.  You know what they say about assuming.  Plus you will have relief knowing exactly where it stands.

    Post # 4
    3866 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I agree with @Talishazwi.  Ask her politely what she’s decided and then go from there. 

    good luck!!!

    Post # 5
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I’d make casual plans with her (maybe a coffee date?) and find out face to face.  She’s probably hurt you asked her to step down and it might give your relationship a chance to breathe a little (regardless of what she chose to do).

    Post # 7
    1205 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Hard to say. It might have actually been better to outright ask her to step down rather than ask her if she wants to step down. She may truly want to, but feels like you would be hurt (even if you assured her no hard feelings). On the opposite side, she may really want to still be in it, but feels like you don’t want her there. Without being able to read her mind, it really is a no-win situation.

    Speaking from the other side, I was fired once from a wedding about 5 years ago. It was my high school best friend, but her and I drifted apart in college. When she got engaged, we were talking on the phone about once a month or so, and hardly ever seeing each other. She asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, and I was flattered, and excited to be in a wedding(my first one) so I said yes. However, I was in my last semester of college, preparing to leave the state for a job waiting after graduating, and had NO time to do any pre-wedding stuff. My commitment level was only going to decrease after I moved. She finally sent me an email saying she had decided not to include me. It was a little hurtful (we didn’t talk much after that for several years), but mostly, I was really, really relieved. Had she asked me, are you sure you want to be involved, and you can step down, I might have insisted on still being in it as so not to hurt my old friend, while really wishing I didn’t have to be. I am guessing that is what your friend is going through. She doesn’t really want to do it, but she doesn’t want to come right out and say it either.


    I would just send her another letter/email and reiterate that you don’t mean to be pushy, but you do need to know whether or not she’s in, and you absolutely will not be angry with her if she pulls out. If she says she needs more time to think about it, you might want to gently reply that you are going to go ahead and consider her out.

    Post # 8
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Hmm.. This might be a task for your Maid/Matron of Honor. I know it sounds nutz off the bat, but your Maid/Matron of Honor is the one who should be in charge of rallying the troops for the dress appointment, so she can contact your Bridesmaid or Best Man and ask if she’s in or out because you are all going dress shopping on X date. It sounds kind of cold, but it might be easier for your Bridesmaid or Best Man to back down to your Maid/Matron of Honor than to you.

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