Post # 1
I have a bit of a problem and could really use some advice. I’ve been engaged for a while now and after asking all of my bridesmaids, realized that one bridesmaid and I just are not really friends anymore. We’re friendly enough, but we haven’t really talked and definitely haven’t hung out in months and I feel like I would be happier without her in the wedding party. So I sent her a letter explaining how I felt, but I made sure that I was really nice and fair, and rather than asking her to step down I gave her the option to step down as I know I wouldn’t be too excited to pay for all the bridesmaid expenses for someone when I wasn’t really close with them anymore. She told me that she would think about it and would get back to me soon. Well it’s been a few weeks and she hasn’t responded… so what does this mean? I’m trying to arrange a day for the bridesmaids to try on dresses and I don’t know if she’s even a bridesmaid anymore, but I feel awkward asking her if she’s made up her mind yet. Plus a big part of me feels like if it’s taken her this long to think about it, then she probably should just be a guest at the wedding. So my question is, how do I handle this situation (what do I say?) or should I just assume that the long response time is equal to a no?
Help please! Thanks
Post # 3
You really need to ask. You know what they say about assuming. Plus you will have relief knowing exactly where it stands.
Post # 4
I agree with @Talishazwi. Ask her politely what she’s decided and then go from there.
Post # 5
I’d make casual plans with her (maybe a coffee date?) and find out face to face. She’s probably hurt you asked her to step down and it might give your relationship a chance to breathe a little (regardless of what she chose to do).
Post # 6
I’ll set up a time to ask her soon then, but just to clarify, I didn’t ask her to step down. I gave her the option of choosing to step down herself or remain as a bridesmaid (and stressed that I wouldn’t be upset either way) because I know she has a lot going on and we aren’t very close anymore.
Post # 7
Hard to say. It might have actually been better to outright ask her to step down rather than ask her if she wants to step down. She may truly want to, but feels like you would be hurt (even if you assured her no hard feelings). On the opposite side, she may really want to still be in it, but feels like you don’t want her there. Without being able to read her mind, it really is a no-win situation.
Speaking from the other side, I was fired once from a wedding about 5 years ago. It was my high school best friend, but her and I drifted apart in college. When she got engaged, we were talking on the phone about once a month or so, and hardly ever seeing each other. She asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, and I was flattered, and excited to be in a wedding(my first one) so I said yes. However, I was in my last semester of college, preparing to leave the state for a job waiting after graduating, and had NO time to do any pre-wedding stuff. My commitment level was only going to decrease after I moved. She finally sent me an email saying she had decided not to include me. It was a little hurtful (we didn’t talk much after that for several years), but mostly, I was really, really relieved. Had she asked me, are you sure you want to be involved, and you can step down, I might have insisted on still being in it as so not to hurt my old friend, while really wishing I didn’t have to be. I am guessing that is what your friend is going through. She doesn’t really want to do it, but she doesn’t want to come right out and say it either.
I would just send her another letter/email and reiterate that you don’t mean to be pushy, but you do need to know whether or not she’s in, and you absolutely will not be angry with her if she pulls out. If she says she needs more time to think about it, you might want to gently reply that you are going to go ahead and consider her out.
Post # 8
Hmm.. This might be a task for your Maid/Matron of Honor. I know it sounds nutz off the bat, but your Maid/Matron of Honor is the one who should be in charge of rallying the troops for the dress appointment, so she can contact your Bridesmaid or Best Man and ask if she’s in or out because you are all going dress shopping on X date. It sounds kind of cold, but it might be easier for your Bridesmaid or Best Man to back down to your Maid/Matron of Honor than to you.