(Closed) Is she serious? What a b&&&&!!!!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

write her an email in a week or so where you say “So glad to hear that you will be attending our wedding.  I got a chance to check our guestlist and budget requirements, and unfortunately I won’t be able to add your guests to the invitees.  Seems that more people than we anticipated plan to attend and we are at our budget capacity.  If anything changes, I’ll let definitely let you know right away!”

Post # 4
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That was great advice above. Dealing diplomatically with the fact that you already sort of told her yes, but totally taking that back.

If she doesn’t like that, she doesn’t have to come! It sounds like she won’t be missed.

Post # 5
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with approaching it like the prior poster says.  I would send her that email asap (and I would make sure to do it in writing not verbally).  You wouldn’t want her to start inviting friends thinking its ok. 

Post # 7
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I would just call or send an email to say you didn’t have the whole list in your head but when you got back and looked you’re really worried about going over capacity so she should hold off on any invites to her friends.  Say if enough people reply no that you’ll let her know (but invite your 2nd tier friends first over hers, so the likelihood of them actually coming is very slim, just don’t say that part to her).

Post # 9
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, she sounds like a horror, but just one piece of advice, your wedding day itself (beforehand it’s fine with letting her know she can’t invite friends) but the day itself is not the time to start wars.  It’s such a happy day, and little things can easily cause it to disinigrate.  If you don’t want her in the picture I can completely understand that but I’d say have her in for a family photo and then one with just the siblings.  We do this in our family photos all the time.  One with the spouses and one with the parents and just their kids.  She can’t have hard feelings to you for that and you get to have pictures without her.

Post # 10
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Um whoa, she sounds like a bundle of fun.  I’d call her and be like, “On second though, request DENIED”.  Seriously, that’s unheard of to me, why would she feel she was allowed guests?  Crazy.

Post # 11
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with the advice from the other ladies about explaining that your guest list is already at capacity in terms of your budget. 

I also think it would be a real loss on your and FI’s part if you didn’t have a reception just because of your FBIL’s wife.  I agree with standing up for yourself, but choose your words wisely.  If your Future Brother-In-Law does not end up divorcing this woman, it could cause a rift between you, Fiance, and Future Brother-In-Law.  Which, it sounds like you both care for Future Brother-In-Law a lot, so that would just make things uncomfortable.  If Future Brother-In-Law is the best man, then she should not be able to make him not go to your wedding.  It is HIS brother, after all.

Let us know how all goes.  And good luck. 

Post # 13
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I guess my first question is why did you both say yes?!  Now you have to back pedal and it’s just going to cause more drama.  She sounds pretty awful, and if I were you I’d tell her in person.  I wouldn’t go through her husband.  If you do, you run the risk that she could pretend she never got the message.  And I HAVE to agree with the posters above–keeping her out of your family pictures on your wedding day is a bad idea.  It will start a fight, cause lots of drama and make your wedding day generally unpleasant.  You run the risk that that is the only thing you’ll remember.  You need to be the bigger person here and not let anything get in the way of having a beautiful day!

Post # 15
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Well what’s done is done.  (And you’d be surpised how many brides come on here with an issue of guests asking to invite ppl.)  You’ve gotten some great advice.  (I’d also recommend at least having her in some photos, even if you do’t plan on buying those pictures.)

I also agree with letting her know ASAP about the extra guests.  You might have a year, but the sooner you reverse your ruling the eaiser it will be.

Also, if I understand it correctly, your Fiance should probably have handled this differently.  It kind of sounds like she asked him, and he made it sound like he’d check with you.  (As in if he came back to her with a “no” she’d know it was because of you and not a joint decision between you.)  If that’s the case, he should really learn to just tell her tht he’ll think about it, or you both will discuss it.

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