(Closed) Is some of our venting inappropriate?

posted 7 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 4
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I do see your point. I don’t know if you were around, but I think there is actually a lot less drama around here than there was a few months ago.

Post # 5
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@MissShork: I would say the bee has definitely gotten a lot more confrontational. Quite frankly I lurked for awhile on my other account, and I’ve been actively participating for the last month. What I have found is a large group of posters likes to band together and attack in unison.

For example: a new user gives the OP advice contrary to the group (I like to call this the groupthink) and then people start attacking them. And I say attack because while you may not get clawed or cursed out they are still trying to cut down what you think. It isn’t a debate so much as “you’re wrong” repeated by 10 posters over and over until you stop writing because everything has totally gone away from the original post.

I think the bee has gotten quite clicky. It’s not a good change.

Post # 7
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I see nothing wrong with vent threads.. Even if they are venting about something “unfair” because other bees will always offer opinions and put everything in perspective. I think its good to have a place to vent and after reading other opinions it helps put everything  in perspective.

Post # 8
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would agree that I think it’s better than it was some time ago.

I would also like to say that I think a lot of times the only place you can complain is here. Discussing registry items and BM’s isn’t really socially acceptable, but here everyone is going through similar issues or at least understands the feeling. Just because someone complains about something once doesn’t make them a bad person or just gift hungry. I think that lots of people come here looking for a community where complaining is understood. I found the WB by googling how to deal with a crazy mother in law. I was so glad I found somewhere for support.

Post # 9
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I feel like there have been more threads lately where the poster seems in need of a “reality check” but I have also still seen a lot of the regular wedding related post.

I think the more controversial/reality check needed threads tend to draw more attention and are more often “bumped” back to the first page so they seem more prevalent.

We also have a lot of strong women on here who are not afraid to voice their opinion (which is a very good thing) but I’ve definitely seen (and been guilty of) some of the “piling on” that happens.

Often the “piling on” happens because everyone is posting at or around the exact same time, but to the newer posters I can see how it might look like a there is a gang or clique mentality.

Not really sure what, if anything, can be done about it.

Mainly I think posters and readers alike have to remember the following this:

1) This is the internet, people are anonymous, sometimes that makes it easier for not so nice things to be said/confessions to be made that we wouldn’t normally admit to

2) Reading tone into text is VERY hard. Just because you perceive something as mean-spirited, snarky, whatever does not mean the poster intended it to be that way

3) Typing takes effort. Just because someone gives you a one sentence response doesn’t mean they are being short with you. It may just mean that they can get their point across in 1 sentence and don’t feel like writing a novel.

4) We are all human. It’s easy to just reduce someone to words on a screen, but behind that screen somewhere is a person who is a lot more complex then anything they put forth on the internet.

Post # 10
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@misshork

Yeah.. do you remember the whole thing with the board that some bees created to make fun of us?  Then they were found out and I guess a lot of them got the boot.  There were a handful of posters that were constantly involved in drama that don’t post anymore.  There might be more venting threads now, but I think there is less drama in general.

Post # 11
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I just completely skip all vent and emotional posts and therefore never encounter any problems : )

Post # 12
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

When I first came on this site, I thought a lot of the ‘vents’ I think you are referring to were silly – like, how HARD can it be to figure out a guest list and how silly it was to be upset over gifts that were or were not received.  It didn’t keep me away from the site, but I did think some of it was overly sensitive (on the part of the poster).

It wasn’t until I was in those situations and faced my own set of unexpected planning frustrations or disappointments were I too posted about things that perhaps a new member would have thought was equally silly or perhaps didn’t think was a big deal.

But, what I found in the hive was an incredible support system of people who were going through similar feelings or experiences.

If a poster needs a reality check and is just flipping out, then so be it… sometimes just hearing another take on a situation is all you need to take a deep breath and move on.  Everyone is different and perhaps a thread you find trite will be helpful to someone else.   

Post # 13
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Better they vent here to a bunch of strangers and get a reality check than bottle it up and flip out in IRL, possibly damaging relationships with friends and family. I know I wasn’t prepared for how stressful wedding planning is, and I bet there’s a bunch of summer brides who are really starting to feel the pressure.

Post # 14
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t really see anything wrong with the vent threads. Sometimes people want to get something off their chest that they know they can’t really say to the person in question. As long as they let it be known that it is a vent, it doesn’t really bother me. 

I have been on the ‘Bee for quite some time now and I have noticed that the “tone” of the ‘Bee kind of varies from season to season. Right now, I am noticing that some bees are pretty confrontational in the way that they phrase responses to threads….a lot of exclamation points and all caps being used. At one point, I think the ‘Bee was kind of clique-y…but I don’t see that as much now. I genuinely think a lot of bees just share the same viewpoint. 

As far as the vents being unfair…well it’s a vent. I think most of the time the OP knows that they can’t react that way to the person(s) in question so they come here and fire away. I have never seen actual names used, and most use names that have no relation to their “real” lives so I think it’s better to vent here than to ruin a relationship in the “real” world.

Post # 15
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yeah, I don’t have a problem with the “vent” threads. I don’t think there is anything wrong with coming to this board and venting our little hearts out.

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