Post # 1
I’ve been more actively reading the forums in the last month. What I have really loved about WB is how supportive and helpful the bees can be. But lately, I’ve been noticing a lot of venting that seems pretty unfair. I feel like i’ve read a hundred “my BMs haven’t done enough work”, “people didn’t buy things from my registry”, “my sister is having her wedding in the same year as me, etc” threads.
I realize that this is a safe place to vent feelings, since we can’t always say the things allowed that we’d like to. but sometimes I wonder how we sound to new bees who are just starting to vist the website. Are we presenting ourselves the way we want to be?
Personally, I find myself arguing the flipside of the other posters in a lot of post. I hate to be confrontational, but I won’t agree with something that I think is rude or hurtful. Have we become to confrontational with each other in general?? (ie. the breastfeeding thread…)
Post # 3
I forgot to add. I am be no means pointing out particular bees. (i rarely remember who said what, anyway). I’m just talking “In general” – how are we coming across to each other and passive readers?
Post # 4
I do see your point. I don’t know if you were around, but I think there is actually a lot less drama around here than there was a few months ago.
Post # 5
@MissShork: I would say the bee has definitely gotten a lot more confrontational. Quite frankly I lurked for awhile on my other account, and I’ve been actively participating for the last month. What I have found is a large group of posters likes to band together and attack in unison.
For example: a new user gives the OP advice contrary to the group (I like to call this the groupthink) and then people start attacking them. And I say attack because while you may not get clawed or cursed out they are still trying to cut down what you think. It isn’t a debate so much as “you’re wrong” repeated by 10 posters over and over until you stop writing because everything has totally gone away from the original post.
I think the bee has gotten quite clicky. It’s not a good change.
Post # 6
@EleanorRigby: oh really? wow. technically, I’ve been a member since last summer. but I’d only log on and search for old topics related to my planning stage, etc. So I’m not only “getting to know the bees”, and am reading a broader range of topics. so maybe its more my perception.
Post # 7
I see nothing wrong with vent threads.. Even if they are venting about something “unfair” because other bees will always offer opinions and put everything in perspective. I think its good to have a place to vent and after reading other opinions it helps put everything in perspective.
Post # 8
I would agree that I think it’s better than it was some time ago.
I would also like to say that I think a lot of times the only place you can complain is here. Discussing registry items and BM’s isn’t really socially acceptable, but here everyone is going through similar issues or at least understands the feeling. Just because someone complains about something once doesn’t make them a bad person or just gift hungry. I think that lots of people come here looking for a community where complaining is understood. I found the WB by googling how to deal with a crazy mother in law. I was so glad I found somewhere for support.
Post # 9
I feel like there have been more threads lately where the poster seems in need of a “reality check” but I have also still seen a lot of the regular wedding related post.
I think the more controversial/reality check needed threads tend to draw more attention and are more often “bumped” back to the first page so they seem more prevalent.
We also have a lot of strong women on here who are not afraid to voice their opinion (which is a very good thing) but I’ve definitely seen (and been guilty of) some of the “piling on” that happens.
Often the “piling on” happens because everyone is posting at or around the exact same time, but to the newer posters I can see how it might look like a there is a gang or clique mentality.
Not really sure what, if anything, can be done about it.
Mainly I think posters and readers alike have to remember the following this:
1) This is the internet, people are anonymous, sometimes that makes it easier for not so nice things to be said/confessions to be made that we wouldn’t normally admit to
2) Reading tone into text is VERY hard. Just because you perceive something as mean-spirited, snarky, whatever does not mean the poster intended it to be that way
3) Typing takes effort. Just because someone gives you a one sentence response doesn’t mean they are being short with you. It may just mean that they can get their point across in 1 sentence and don’t feel like writing a novel.
4) We are all human. It’s easy to just reduce someone to words on a screen, but behind that screen somewhere is a person who is a lot more complex then anything they put forth on the internet.
Post # 10
Yeah.. do you remember the whole thing with the board that some bees created to make fun of us? Then they were found out and I guess a lot of them got the boot. There were a handful of posters that were constantly involved in drama that don’t post anymore. There might be more venting threads now, but I think there is less drama in general.
Post # 11
I just completely skip all vent and emotional posts and therefore never encounter any problems : )
Post # 12
When I first came on this site, I thought a lot of the ‘vents’ I think you are referring to were silly – like, how HARD can it be to figure out a guest list and how silly it was to be upset over gifts that were or were not received. It didn’t keep me away from the site, but I did think some of it was overly sensitive (on the part of the poster).
It wasn’t until I was in those situations and faced my own set of unexpected planning frustrations or disappointments were I too posted about things that perhaps a new member would have thought was equally silly or perhaps didn’t think was a big deal.
But, what I found in the hive was an incredible support system of people who were going through similar feelings or experiences.
If a poster needs a reality check and is just flipping out, then so be it… sometimes just hearing another take on a situation is all you need to take a deep breath and move on. Everyone is different and perhaps a thread you find trite will be helpful to someone else.
Post # 13
Better they vent here to a bunch of strangers and get a reality check than bottle it up and flip out in IRL, possibly damaging relationships with friends and family. I know I wasn’t prepared for how stressful wedding planning is, and I bet there’s a bunch of summer brides who are really starting to feel the pressure.
Post # 14
I don’t really see anything wrong with the vent threads. Sometimes people want to get something off their chest that they know they can’t really say to the person in question. As long as they let it be known that it is a vent, it doesn’t really bother me.
I have been on the ‘Bee for quite some time now and I have noticed that the “tone” of the ‘Bee kind of varies from season to season. Right now, I am noticing that some bees are pretty confrontational in the way that they phrase responses to threads….a lot of exclamation points and all caps being used. At one point, I think the ‘Bee was kind of clique-y…but I don’t see that as much now. I genuinely think a lot of bees just share the same viewpoint.
As far as the vents being unfair…well it’s a vent. I think most of the time the OP knows that they can’t react that way to the person(s) in question so they come here and fire away. I have never seen actual names used, and most use names that have no relation to their “real” lives so I think it’s better to vent here than to ruin a relationship in the “real” world.
Post # 15
Yeah, I don’t have a problem with the “vent” threads. I don’t think there is anything wrong with coming to this board and venting our little hearts out.
Post # 16
These are really good points. I personally notice two things that tend to increase drama are:
a) when responders skim read posts and end up misreading things. (I know i’ve been guilty of it)
b) OP who are “just venting” vs wanting advice. I find frequently posters are looking for someone else to say “ive been there” and instead get bombarded with criticisms. This one is hard for me, because I tend to “offer my 2 cents” cause I just assume everyone must want advice. but i’m realizing that isn’t always the case.