(Closed) Is it still acceptable for the woman to stay at home?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would find it boring. Simply my personal opinion. If it works for both of you then it works. Why ask strangers?

Post # 33
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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jenni2000:  I found myself in a position where I’m currently a Stay-At-Home Wife, will be a Stay-At-Home Mom in a couple of months. If you can do it, and you want to… Forget everyone else. Honestly, this (the bee, the Internet) is the only place I’ve felt judged or put down about my ‘situation’. But that’s the situation I’m in, and I’m going to make the most of it and enjoy it. I’m lucky, DH makes a really good income and we spent a lot of that time travelling, which I wouldn’t have ever been able to do while I worked before we moved here. I also make good use of my time. It’s all about what you do with the opportunity and if you feel like it suits you. It’s not going to be for everyone, and each individual situation is different. 

I hear a lot of people say ‘people who look down Stay-At-Home Wife are jealous or think they’re better than them’ and I don’t brelieve that. It’s just different strokes, for different folks. 

Post # 34
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

as long as you and your husband is both agree with it, it is ok to stay at home.

Post # 35
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

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jenni2000:  If ya’ll can afford it and you and your spouse are happy, I dont think anybody should judge you for wanting to be a housewife or stay at home mom. I know some people will judge you though even though they shouldn’t. That’s just how some people are. You just have to brush off their negativity and live your life. Ultimately it’s your life and you should do whatever makes you and your husband happy ๐Ÿ™‚

Being a stay at home mom or a working mom are both awesome! Neither one is worse than the other because they both involve the word “mom” ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 36
Member
379 posts
Helper bee

I try not to judge on anyone who stays at home, it is entirely their choice. I do have personal stuggles in our situation though. I work from home in a joint business with my husband (really though I have alot of time, dont drive and could pick up a job as well), financially I dont have to work. I have been trying hard to pick up another job more so for my sanity and well because I feel uncomfortable being at home.

My mum never worked and screwed my dad over for a divorce after 26 years and still isnt working instead she is just spending all her settlement ( I am definately embarrassed about that as I never want my husband thinking that would be me ) and on my husbands side none of the woman work and their husbands hardly have work, most of the time they cant make ends meet.

Sooooo in my personal case I feel working is better option, I dont want to be part of the latter in our environment I am to sensitive. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 37
Member
472 posts
Helper bee

In my circle, people are wary of it. Mainly because folks wonder if such a coupke is planning wisely for the future. They might wonder if the wife has thought carefully about what she would do if the husband fell ill. Two working spouses = instant backup plan in case of trouble. It also gets you two Social Security incomes if everything goes according to plan, and you are both able to retire together.

Post # 38
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

I’d find it really boring and unfulfilling. If you have kids and you and DH are financially comfortable enough for you to stay home and raise them instead of working, that’s great. But every couple is different -maybe I just don’t get it because both DH and I work full time, we still have time to cook, clean, do laundry, do hpuse projects, relax and go on vacation. The same goes for a lot of our friends, some of whom could eaily afford to live on a single income. If I was home all day, I’d go nuts and start talking to the dog. I’d rather work and pad our savings account then consider it next year after my FMLA gets used up if I decide to only go back to work part-time or delay returning to work.

Post # 39
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

For my own personal life, no I don’t think it would be acceptable for me to stay home unless we had children. For anyone else that is their business and who am I to judge. Now sometimes I wish I could though ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 40
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Cellar 222

View original reply
jenni2000:  

This is an odd question. Where I’m from, women are still judged for working outside of the home, especially if the couple have children.

But as long as you have the finances for it, why not? Just be weary, lots of women get married and become homemakers but are totally lost when their husbands ditch them due to lack of education/ work expierence.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by rainpeliever.
Post # 41
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee

I think you’ll get a lot of people who judge if you stay home and you don’t have children. This goes for both men and women though. I have some friends who are married and the wife works full time and the husband stays home. There are just as many people in our circle judging them as if it was the other way around.

The fact is, it IS seen as “lazy” because cleaning and cooking is not a 24/7 job. It would be different if they had children, or even if her husband did some volunteer work to occupy his day. But they don’t and he doesn’t. 

Dh and I both work full time. We cook something new every night (don’t like leftovers) and we manage to keep our house clean.

If my husband made twice as much money as he does now and we didn’t need my income, I probably would opt to stay home HOWEVER I would do volunteering or at least get a part time job so I’m not just sitting at home. It’s not fair if my husband has to go out and work hard and I get to take my time doing things I would be doing anyway if I had a job.

Again though, I feel like having children is a different story. 

Post # 42
Member
2354 posts
Buzzing bee

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jenni2000:  It’s not for me to tell if it’s acceptable or not in your situation. In mine, I would consider it unfair because neither of us is independantly wealthy – it would mean I would burden my spouse with the responsibility to pay all the bills, to pay for everything whenever we go out, to pay for my car, my insurances, my retirement, etc. It’s not what I consider to be an equal partnership when I could help him with expenses and savings. But then again, it’s a matter of context. I just don’t think it would be acceptable for ME to do this. Maybe your spouses’ finances allow you to. Maybe your plan is to have kids very soon and you don’t need to work until then. Only you know if this situation seems fair to both of you, short term and long term. 

Post # 43
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Of course.  Every family has to decide what’s right for them.  If your husband has a good job, why not stay home, support him, and volunteer full time in the community?  You’re not supposed to just sit at home and watch tv and clean.  It is expected if you are a housewife to be dedicated to philanthropy.  You are one of the lucky ones that doesn’t have to work and take money from the community, therefore, you give back into the community. 

As far as retirement is concerned, it’s called stocks.

Post # 44
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
jenni2000:  As someone who always said she would NEVER be a stay-at-home-wife, I am surprised at how much I have loved being a stay-at-home wife these last 2 months. For us, it’s just a matter of circumstances…..DH happened to get a job really quickly in our new area, and I am still looking. I was also in the midst of graduating, moving, and planning the wedding the past 2 months, so I was actually really grateful to not be working, and DH’s salary brings in enough for the both of us to live on and add to our savings at the same time. We have zero financial worries. In the long run, I don’t want to being staying at home and not working forever. I would, however, LOVE to work from home. I would love to be determining my own hours, my own work space….freelancing, being creative, continuing my education, and still contributing financially to our little family. I want a career that I am passionate about, and I want to be able to pass that inspiration on to my children as my parents did for me. Me staying at home, however, still helps us a ton though. I handle all the bills, all the budgetting, all the errands, all the logistical details of adult life, all the cleaning/organizing, all the cooking, all the planning of everything. Because of my DH’s long work days, most basic things of running a household would be something that he would just never be able to do because of time constraints…he would potentially need to hire a financial advisor, a cleaning service, lots of take out food….stay-at-home wives still bring in a lot of financial value, even before kids enter the picture.

Post # 45
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Yes it is…my husband wants me home…just remember it’s your business people are gonna hate regaurdless!

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