(Closed) Is the bride asking too much?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 1988

The bridesmaid can always say…”Thank you for asking me to be your bridesmaid but I will respectfully decline. Best Wishes for your future happiness!”


Post # 3
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Gloucestershire, UK

You know, when you started your list I was like “oh that’s not too bad… if they have time to save right?”, then I read hair and makeup and thought “eugh, I don’t know if I would do that if people were travelling all that way to be in my bridal party”… by the time I got to matching swimwear, I was firmly “yeah… no”. 

I’m 100% of the opinion that you do you, and I’ll do me. And whilst I would likely pay for the dress, shoes, hair and makeup (and I wouldn’t require a beach photoshoot!), in some circles these wouldn’t be an issue. My rule of judgment is that if the bride is requiring it, they should be paying for it. 

The bride should know the bridesmaids well enough to know what their reaction will be. In saying that, the cost flights, hotels, dresses, hair and makeup, shoes, clothing, beauty stuff, jewelry and swimwear will be extortionate. Especially on top of bridal showers and bachelorettes. 

Post # 4
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I was on the fence until you got to the swimsuit…

Yes. Too much.

Post # 5
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

jitterbugg :  I would say she is asking a lot!!! Someone should absolutely say somethign to her if all the bridesmaids are feeling this way. I’m assuming you have already accepted being a bridesmaid but did you know the details when you said yes? If you didn’t you can always say that you appreciate being asked but all the costs are really adding up and putting you in an uncomfortable financial position and you would love to be in attendance as a guest. 

Post # 6
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Um yes haha. If I were a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and she wanted to dictate the god damn bikini I wore, she would damn well be paying for it! (along with shoes, hair, makeup, rehearsal dinner dress, jewellery, etc).

If you are allowed to pick your own things for those, then its much more reasonable. However, you are always able to decline. Maybe tell her ‘hey bride, all of the things you’re asking me to buy is really going to be too much. I dont think I’m going to be able to afford to come. I hope you still have a great time though!’ and see what she says.

Post # 7
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

As PP said, a Bridesmaid or Best Man can always decline. Obviously, all of these things were discussed up front. It’s not like she is springing them on the BMs at the last minute. A lot of Bees will say a that a Bridesmaid or Best Man is only required to show up in the dress to the wedding sober, but IMO,it’s likely the BMs will be getting their nails/hair/makeup/new dresses for the wedding anyway, so I don’t think it’s too much for the bride to ask for a certain color of nail polish. The swimsuit thing is a little much, but again, a Bridesmaid or Best Man can say no.

Post # 8
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yes. And you can politely be a guest

Post # 9
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes. Everything you mentioned after shoes is asking too much.

Post # 10
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

jitterbugg :  What the heck is a beach shoot day?  Does she have to approve how many calories the BMs take in leading up to the wedding, so they will look a certain way in her approved swimsuit on the beach shoot day?  I’LL GIVE HER UP TO SHOES, AND NOTHING AFTER THAT.

Post # 11
13657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 She’s definitely asking a lot.  I would probably be stepping down at this point.  Matching swimsuit?  Yeah no.

Post # 12
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

peridot456 :  +1.  IF I agreed to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man on a destination wedding (not likely), then I would be okay with airfare, hotel, dress, and shoes — in other words, the exact same things I would expect to pay for if I were in any other wedding.  Everything after shoes is a resounding No!  And if she insisted, then I would either attend as a guest, or just stay home.

Post # 13
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Ummmm absolutely too much! I would NOT be in this wedding!

Post # 14
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

jitterbugg :  Way too much. Even if it wasn’t a destination wedding, it is way too much. A next-day swimsuit photo shoot? Now I think I’ve heard it all.

Post # 15
47202 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

jitterbugg :  You seriously need to ask? 

Dress and shoes are ok. All the rest is optional, including the hotel. If you accept the invitation to be a bridesmaid in a destination wedding, you are going to incur travel expenses. You are not required to stay in the hotel of her choice if you prefer a less expensive option.

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