(Closed) Is the cost worth it to go Catholic???

posted 8 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If you don’t have a Catholic ceremony, keep in mind that you will not be able to take communion if/when you go to mass after the wedding, and you will not be able to baptise your children.  If either of these things is important to you, then it’s best to “go Catholic” now rather than try to convalidate the marriage later on.

I’m surprised it’s so expensive for you.  My church required $150, plus I paid $120 for the engagement encounter (similar to pre-cana classes).  What other fees do you have to pay?

Post # 5
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

It seems to me (reading between the lines) that you would prefer to have a Catholic ceremony but that you are worried about it costing so much more… I think if it is something you want and would perfer to do, then it is something you should do. If you do non denominational when you really wanted to have a catholic wedding you might really end up regretting it.. that would be suggestion anyway…

Post # 6
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If you have a wedding (IOW a marriage) that is not recognized by the Catholic Church, you can not go up for communion. Because in that situation the Church doesn’t see you as reaaaaaally married, she sees you as kinda… shacking up. Granted you can probably get the marriage convalidated later on and it will be all good! But in the meantime you can’t go up for communion. It would be a major Sin with a capital S.

I would discuss with the priest and others who are doing your wedding about any financial difficulties you are having. Ultimately the marriage sacrament can cost you $0, even with pre-Cana and administration fees. You’d be amazed how people will work with you if you just ask! Especially if financial hardship makes the difference between getting married in the Church or getting a non-sacramental marriage, they WILL work with you!

Post # 7
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree that sounds like a lot of money! Precanna classes for us were $165 $350 for the ceremony/priest fees and 150 for the piano guy. All of the church fees are essentially “donations” so you can pretty much name your price. Although one would argue that the MOST important part of the wedding is the getting married saying the vows part so it shouldn’t be the part that you cut back on.

Post # 8
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It was cheaper for us to do a full Catholic Mass, but regardless, I can’t put a price tag on my faith and Religion. Even if it was more expensive, I would much rather “do things right” than half it on something as big as the rest of my life and then all of eternity. 

@Magdalena: is right. If you do not have a catholic wedding, you cannot receive communion. 

The best thing you could do, is talk to your priest. Is it church fee’s driving up the cost? They would rather work with you than you not get married in the church. For us, the marriage and Sacrament is the most important part of the day. Parties are great but the grace will receive we can def. use! 🙂

Talk to your church, I’m sure they’ll work with you if you can’t afford it. 

Post # 10
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

If you are Catholic and you have a non-Catholic ceremony without a dispensation, the Church does not recognize your marriage as being a sacrament. This means that your marriage would not be recognized by the church as being valid within the Church. They would recognize it as a legal marriage, but not as a valid sacramental marriage. This means that you are living in an invalid marriage, which is a grave sin, and one cannot receive Holy Communion until one is back in a state of grace. The Church actually considers it a mortal sin to accept Holy Communion when you are not in a state of grace.

In the situation where you have gotten married outside of the Church without the Church’s permission, you cannot simply go to “confession” to return to a state of grace. You would have to have your marriage convalidated, which is an abreviated ceremony. It should not cost as much as a full Catholic ceremony, and it would make your marriage valid in the eyes of the Church.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

As far as “get married outside the church, can’t be Catholic anymore,” this isn’t necessarily true. It *is* true that the church will not recognize your marriage. If your marriage is not recognized, and you’re taking full advantage of your *ahem* marital privileges, then yes- you are considered to be living in sin. Keep committing mortal sins (any mortal sins– and this goes for all of us), and you cannot receive communion until the situation is rectified (which, in this case, would mean heading to confession and having the marriage recognized). That’s where the “no communion without the Catholic ceremony” thing comes up.

HOWEVER- you will NOT be forever “kicked out” of the church. While it would be ideal to have your marriage recognized by the church right off the bat, it is certainly possible to have your marriage recognized later. This is called convalidation, and the people I know who have had their marriages convalidated had an easy enough time getting it (assuming nobody had been previously married, etc). You have some other options, too. You can try to get a dispensation from your priest asking to be married in your fiance’s church. You can also try to negotiate the price. If you simply cannot afford the suggested donation, tell your priest and parish office. They ought to be able to work with you and within your budget- they’re a religious organization, not a for-profit venue.

For myself, I agree with KLP that I cannot put a price on the value of my faith, and on having my marriage be a sacrament right up front. My marriage is important to me both because I love my fiance and because it is a sacrament. You’ll have to decide whether that is valuable to you or not- we can’t tell you whether it is “worth it”, since this is a personal position.

Good luck in your search and in your wedding plans- and I hope you can come up with a solution that works!

Post # 13
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MrsPinkPeony: You’re welcome.  Rest assured, once you are Catholic you are always Catholic. You might be Catholic who is not in a state of grace, but you don’t become a non-Catholic because of that.

Definitely talk to your priest. He will be able to advise you. If he can’t or is unwilling (some priest are quite old-fashioned and unwilling to make exceptions), then you should contact the Diocese.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

that seems extremely expensive, is there any option of having it in a different church or taking the pre marraige classes somewhere else?

Post # 16
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@MrsPinkPeony: Honestly, different priests  and churches will give you different answers.  I am everybody’s token Catholic, so I have witnessed Catholic ceremonies because the church didn’t recognize Protestant ceremonies or DID recognize Protestant ceremonies.  I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school for 12 years.  Those nuns taught me to think for myself, and I think I am too smart to put up with BS simply because one priest says so (and another doesn’t).

If your fiance isn’t Catholic, why does it have to be in a particular church?  If the church isn’t Catholic, it’s still not a valid Catholic marriage?  Little confused there…

My fiance was married before (not in a church) and I simply don’t have time to get it annulled.  Long story.  I am actually being married by a Catholic priest who was married.  Once a priest, always a priest but he was relieved of his clerical duties because he was married.  I actually like the fact he was married, although some may really have a problem with that.  If I want to baptize my children, etc., I will have to get FI’s marriage annulled and get married in a church (this takes 5 minutes, I’ve been the official witness 3 times).

I understand the importance and guilt.  It does bother me that I’m not getting married in an actual church, but I’ll move on.  I never heard of a church charging that much–I think they are only charging $$$ because it’s in Charleston.  I recommend doing a little more digging…

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