(Closed) Is the drama limited to the younger bees?

posted 11 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 16
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I’m 22, and my wedding has been drama free.

Unless you count my photographer finding out that her due date was the weekend of my wedding, causing us to need to switch photographers at about six or seven months out. Or that my wedding dress got too small and I had to buy a new one. None of those things felt drama-licious at the time. I doubt I even started a thread about them.

 

OH. I did switch counselors halfway through counselling because I no longer felt comfortable accepting advice from the one we started with. But again, no biggie.

Post # 17
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m 25, and I posted an ex-girlfriend thread.  I value an outside, relatively anonymous opinion. 

I think the 20-somethings post on here quite a bit with drama because first of all, it’s mostly 20-somethings that post on here in general.  It’s not a fair extrapolation to say that it’s the younger bees that dominate the drama, because the younger bees most likely dominate the boards because most (not all!  just more than 50% probably) bees are in their 20s. 

Post # 18
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think its a maturity level thing, as well as just a family/life dynamic thing as well. I dont think we can really generalize it just to the younger crowd, mostly because the postings are unequally distributed with the majority being younger brides- thus it seems like theres more drama from them, when really its probably more equal than it appears…much like Spaniel said.

Post # 19
Member
42 posts
Newbee

I have a hard time trying to imagine, say, a 45 year old bride posting here to vent about her 47 year old cousin attempting to steal the spotlight by having her wedding a month before… Wink

But I suppose that some degree of drama still exists no matter what age the bride is. It’s just that the circumstances creating the drama, are probably different.

Post # 20
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@stacycats: Hey newlywed, congratulations! Hope everything went well.

I won’t say that things are drama-free with our wedding; there are a couple of very close family members on my side who I suspect may not make it for various reasons, which makes me sad. Then again, I’m not the type to post and vent about my family, because it just won’t change anything, and I’m not looking for advice on what to do about them.

As PP have commented, we’re paying for it and planning the whole thing, so the folks just don’t have much input, which helps.  And they haven’t made any odd guest list demands, either.

Post # 21
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Bellanouva: Yeah.  That’s what I was trying to say haha.  You said it much more eloquently!

Post # 22
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@tntrav44: naw, I totally got what you were saying, but thankies! High five! 😀

Post # 23
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think it’s important to factor in “older” brides did not grow up as into the internet. The younger women have been on facebook, live journal, etc.. since they were in highschool/college. Posting about personal issues a little more normal.

  However.. I was married at age 23. I’m currently 26 and can say my drama rama posts were out of desperation. After I got married I was dealing with some pretty heavy things from my in laws and I didn’t have anyone to turn to. My parents never find fault in anyone but me (in laws took credit cards out in husband’s name- ran a 12k bill- I don’t know how they managed to blame this on me).

  Being a young bride and having to deal with those sort of things with no support makes you reach out to strangers. I still have that drama in my life, but I’m three years older and am significantly better at dealing.

 

Post # 24
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think that older brides have several reasons for less drama.  First, they have more life experience, and thus may be able to foresee and avoid drama better. Second, they are more likely to have the confidence to ditch traditions that don’t work for them, instead of thinking they have to follow every tradition blindly.  And third, they are much less likely to be having parents who are paying for, and/or involved in the planning of, the wedding.  It is hard enough to come up with a wedding that satisfies what both the bride and groom want.  If you also have to satisfy the bride’s parents (and possibly stepparents) and the groom’s parents (and possibly step-parents), it is much harder to satisfy everyone.

Also, the type of drama tends to be different.  Drama for younger brides often tends to come from parents and/or siblings.  Drama for older ones often tends to come from exes (his, hers, or both) and children/stepchildren.

Post # 25
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I honestly think it is more a matter of personality and temperament than age. I am 45, and this is my second wedding. My first wedding took place when I was 20, but even at that age I don’t think I was a drama queen or had any bridezilla moments. I know that in many ways, I am a completely different person, but I have always had an easy going temperament. I admit, as an older bride I have different priorities. I think at 20 I was more focused on the little details. It meant more to me to have the perfect dress and the perfect flowers and the perfect cake. Now, my main concern about my wedding is that everyone have a great time and just be there to share our joy. I had a big elaborate wedding the first time around, and this time is going to be much simpler, more intimate, and I hope it will be very enjoyable for everyone involved. I am determined that if there is any drama at this wedding, it won’t be caused by me.

Post # 26
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee

@noritake22: I think we still have some of the same drama, but I also think that we handle it differently because we have been through a lot more life situations than the younger generations have. I also think as we get older our priorities change and we are just more likely to go with the flow and try not to worry about it as much.

I totally agree with this. Although the younger bees will not admit it, some, when they get older, will see thing differently and act accordingly. I’ll be 30 in 2 wks (YAH!) and things I would have cared about under 25 are totally different things than I would care about now at 29. (Still wouldn’t have done the traditional thing, but that’s just me.lol)

Post # 27
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m a 29 year old bride, and although I haven’t posted it on here, I’ve had drama.  But that drama hasn’t initiated from me, but my family.  My sister flipped out when she learned that she wasn’t the only Maid/Matron of Honor, my guests added +1’s, 2’s, 3’s, to the response cards resulting in a phone call letting them know our venue only accommodated the number of guests we’d invited and a few hurt feelings.   And my mother wanted to invite every person she had ever met.  

 

 

Post # 28
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’ve talked with a few brides my age, as well as older ones.

One thing I noticed, younger brides are dealing with Future Mother-In-Law that remind them that they are stealing their son. This in itself creates a lot of tension (especially with the way some of these Future Mother-In-Law will say things). Now, some of the older brides I’ve met don’t seem to have this issue, as their Fiance is already out of the house.

That’s just one thing that causes drama. Maturity will have something to do with it, but it really will depend on the case.

Post # 29
Member
7321 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I see a lot of “No one understands what I’m going through” posts and all I can think is:

Don’t try to finish school, plan when you’re going to TTC, work full time and plan a circus of a wedding. Scale it back, cut out some drama and stop stressing about elaborate bachelorette parties and 16 tier chocolate fountains.

And don’t get guilted into inviting people you can’t stand!

Post # 30
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@snoie: Yeah, that whole “stealing my son” thing is pretty wild. When the bride and groom are both over 40 that definitely isn’t an issue. Laughing Every once in a while when I’m reading a drama thread I realize the FMIL is my age or younger….

And don’t get me started on the “I’m upset because no one gave me an engagement party/shower/bachelorette because I want it all!” threads. “But Daddy, I want an Oompaloompa!”

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