(Closed) Is the first time painful if he is big?

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
94 posts
Worker bee

It hurts the first time no matter what. I wouldn’t stress too much it’s not for long and is completely worth it.

Post # 3
2347 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

elc426:  Have you ever been to the doctor for a PAP?  Your “first time” is much like that.  The worst part about the first time is how much thought and worry go into it before it even happens.  Yes, it will be uncomfortable, but that’s temporary.  I would stop researching it, you’ll probably only worry yourself more!  


I commend you on saving yourself for your husband! 

Post # 4
985 posts
Busy bee

The more you worry about it hurting, the more likely it is to hurt. The best thing to do is relax and take things slowly.

Post # 5
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

The first time always hurts. It hurts more the more you worry about it. I would use lots of lubricant and take it slowly. Don’t worry about having sex on the first night. You can spend a while just getting used to each other’s bodies. The worst bit is the embarassment and the “newness” of being nude around someone else, IMO. That’s the really weird bit.

I remember it felt like a sharp scratch, a bit like an injection with a big needle feels. I was unusual in that my hymen was still intact at the time. That was surprising to me… I did karate and horse riding, which can often break your hymen. The actual sex, and for a while afterwards, was sore like a big bruise is sore. Not agony or anything.

Post # 6
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think you should muster up to courage to talk to him about some of your nervousness for the first time because chances are he is a bit nervous too about different aspects even though he has had sex before. It is important to break down that line of communication early on in a marriage because sex is such an important piece of a long term relationship.

It might feel weird and awkward at first, but once you get it off your chest you will feel so much more at ease.

Post # 7
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Runnymede Hotel

Woah woah woah, some very worrying advice coming from this thread! No, the first time having sex SHOULD NOT hurt. Sex should NEVER hurt. The hymen does NOT need to break, and if it does tear, will heal again. It’s not some magical barrier in your vajayjay. 

Go very slowly, use lubricant if needed, and RELAX. Make sure he takes care of you, communicates with you and that you feel good the whole time. If it hurts, stop and slow down. If you’re uncomfortable, take a break and come back to it later.

I really urge you all who think sex should hurt women to watch this informative video and get educated about your body!


Post # 8
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

The first time I had sex, it was not rewarding. It was not painful so much as it was not pleasurable. It was a let down. I didn’t know my body and what I needed to feel good (reach orgasm) so it was just a blah experience. I also bled quite a bit but whatevs.

Big penises don’t always equal great satisfaction. You may or may not get used to his size. Like a PP said, have lube on hand and do not be afraid to use it. Tell him to slow down if it hurts. Sex will be more fun the more you have a chance to get to know your partner in that way and vice versa.

Post # 9
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Foreplay is very very important. The act of becoming aroused can be a slow process for women, and first time sex without adequate foreplay can be challenging.

Just remember you don’t HAVE to have sex your first night together. Remember, you’re going to be husband and wife and therefore will (hopefully) have the rest of your lives together. If you’re uncomfortable, talk to your future husband about what is making you uncomfortable. And I suggest, if your religious convictions allow for it, that you start touching yourself and your partner intimately, even if it’s over your clothes. Learn what feels good for you, and communicate this with your partner.

Also, Magnum or extra large branded condoms are only negligibly larger than the standard size. Just slightly wider and just slightly longer. This doesn’t mean your husband to be has a massively large penis, he very likely falls within the national average, it likely just means that he likes buying extra large condoms either for the ego boost it gives, or because he prefer the slightly less constricting feel of a larger condom.


  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  Trilly.
Post # 10
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Warhol_Girl89:  Finally! Amen to that. NO, it doent not have to hurt.

Stress, being tense, scared and not being able to relax, plus the guy who is clueless are the reasons why it is painful for many girls.

Post # 11
279 posts
Helper bee

My first time actually didn’t hurt at all, and my partner was on the large side (larger than any of the others I have been with since then.) I had heard so many stories about pain and bleeding the first time,  but I didn’t experience any of that.  It wasn’t mind blowing or anything,   but I didn’t have any pain or discomfort during.  I did end up a little sore afterwards,  but it wasn’t bad at all! 

I was nervous before as well, but we had explored and experimented with other sexual activities for several months before we decided to have intercourse, and I think that helped a lot. I 

know some people don’t believe in any sexual touching etc. before marriage but I think it could be a disaster to try to go from nothing to sex all in one go. Since we spent months before hand focused on manual and oral stimulation etc. we felt very comfortable together, knew how to make each other feel good, and turn each other on.

The best advice I read before I had sex the first time was to not try penetration until your body is completely ready for it, and that you will know when you’re ready when you feel an overwhelming urge and feel like you can’t wait a second longer. Your vagina will expand to make room for a penis when you are fully aroused. 

I would also recommend using lube. Even if you are naturally wet already it’s still great to add some extra lube to help reduce friction.

Also make sure you communicate with your partner, so that he can slow down or stop if it isn’t feeling comfortable for you.

Post # 12
47 posts

I’m so glad at least a couple of people said something helpful in this thread!


Don’t EVER grit your teeth and just put up with pain when you are having sex. If it hurts then stop, or slow down, or pause and change something.


Just go slow and gentle, use lots and lots of lube, and make sure you are super turned on. Also, you don’t need to be penetrated the first time. Maybe leave that out, and just focus on having some intimate fun.

Post # 13
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010


Most women experience pain and bleeding when they lose their virginity. No matter how gentle the man is, first time sex is rarely pleasurable for the woman. I hate to say it but if your fiance is big, you are in for even more pain. 

Make sure that you are aroused and very wet before he enters you. Have him go slowly and it is okay if you have to stop and try again later. The evening I lost my virginity, it took THREE tries before my then boyfriend could enter me completely. 


Post # 14
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Warhol_Girl89:  Whilst this makes sense, this still doesn’t explain my experience… we got down and dirty, I felt a single, sharp scratch, and then I bled (not like AF, just spotting) for about 1-2 days sfterwards and felt a bruised feeling. Never had it before or since…. and I was celibate for long periods of time afterwards, as well.

I mean, I would be totally lying if I said it was agonisingly painful, or that I was overly nervous, or anything.

Whilst this certainly wasn’t true for all my friends, one of my other friends had an almost identical experience. The others did not experience the sharp scratch and the bleeding…. although one started spotting after a karate class when she was a child and was told that she had damaged her hymen whilst sparring (she was kicked in the groin).

Post # 15
1989 posts
Buzzing bee

Most PPs have focused on you to try to relax, use some lube , etc and that is spot on. But also, it is not the same thing if your partner goes super slowly and only tries once you are aroused and super lubed up than to ram into you and even worse when you are not ready yet. 

Truth is at the age most people lose their virginity, they are both still very young and inexperienced. The fact that a guy might have had a couple experiences does not mean that transfers into knowledge of the human body. As teens and twenty somethings, boys are too excited to have sex to think about properly learning about the female body And many times they are too excited about their own pleasure and don’t pay attention to the signals in their partner’s body. Thing is, because this is how it usually goes, most of us think that it is normal for it to hurt.  May be normal because it might be the norm, but not because it has to be that way.  I agree with a PP. Talk to your guy and tell him you are scared and need him to take things really easy. Also, not to detract you from it, more just so you are prepared, condoms can make things a little dryer during intercourse. And dryness can hurt, hence all the advice of lube. Apply and reapply. Stop if you need to reapply.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  Sporty-Bee.

The topic ‘Is the first time painful if he is big?’ is closed to new replies.

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