(Closed) Is the first year of marriage really the hardest?

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve heard this before and I always assumed it only applied to people who either didn’t know each other very well before marriage or who didn’t live together beforehand. Because so far our married life has been way better than any part of our dating life. We both definitely pick our battles though and are always working on communication. The only time we start to have a problem is if someone’s in a bad mood, but we are both forgiving quickly about that so it doesn’t explode.

Post # 18
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Mrs. Trail Mix wrote a post recently on this topic that you might find helpful.  There was a lot of feedback and varying perspectives.  I’m not married yet so I can’t comment on that but my FI and I have experienced these times throughout our relationship (including our engagement).  We use various ways of working through our differences but it all boils down to communication. 

Post # 19
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

For us that last few months of wedding planning were far worse than the first year of marriage.  Yeah, there was some adjusting to do since we hadn’t lived together before, but overall it wasn’t too bad.

Post # 20
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We’ve been married for 6 months, and I think so far it’s been an absolute BREEZE compared to the last 6 months of being engaged. We didn’t even live together before we were married, but that just seemed to all fall into place and it was an easy transition.

But BEFORE we were married, there were so many random wedding things to argue about and little family weirdnesses and we were furnishing the apartment, and believe it or not, we also had an argument about how dark of a wood we wanted for the coffee table. Haha. 

Glad we got past that. 🙂 I’m sure you will too, just give it time!

Post # 21
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We’ve been married 5 months, and it’s been super happy and easy. Seriously. It sounds like you are having living with family/moving in together issues. We have lived together for 2 years – easy peasy!

Post # 22
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Haven’t checked in/commented on wb in awhile but I thought I would answer!  We are a little past halfway through our first year and it has been tough at times.  But it really doesn’t have much to do with being married, more just other things that happened to happen in our lives..

I do agree w/ Jewishbride & Monkeygirl…  🙂

Post # 23
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

My mom has always said that the first and the seventh year are the hardest.  Only time will tell…

Post # 24
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

We’re almost to the end of our first year (Feb. 28th is our anniversary). It was a crazy hard year for us, but not because of our relationship, just b/c things happened in our lives that sucked.

My husband had major surgery and is still dealing with his health issues, and I had a miscarriarage that was pretty awful. It lasted about 2 months, I ended up having to have 2 D&Cs b/c the baby just didn’t want to leave me.

I think since we had such hard times we had to be there for each other more then most at this stage of life.

Post # 25
Member
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I hope not!  I’m really looking forward to being married.  In the last year, we both got new jobs, got engaged, bought a house, and have been planning a wedding.  There’s no way the first year of marriage can be more anxiety-producing than this past year!

Post # 26
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

For us, it was harder during our engagement because there were some Mother-In-Law issues we had to figure out.  As for the first year, it wasn’t that bad, we did have some  health issues that caused financial problems and that really caused a lot of stress for us. Relationship wise it wasn’t that bad.

Post # 27
Member
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@roxy821: maybe stuff that was easy to ‘pass’ on (like the color of the coffee table) before, but now that you are married there’s more of a desire to ‘speak your mind’ about the things.  It could be a lot of things?  A power struggle?  DH feeling like he needs to have a say in things, etc.  Since it sounds like you have the basics covered and are only squabbling on the small stuff – maybe you could talk about why it is that the small stuff is becoming an issue.  Maybe there’s other stuff going on with DH that is being masked by the small stuff?  We are on month four – and I’d say for every month there’s been need to just ‘talk’ about whatever is bugging us.  From the stupidest stuff to major stuff.  It’s been hard for me to talk about it and really dig deep into why I’m feeling a certain way – but the outcome of the conversation is always more intimacy between the two of us and more understanding about why things have been unraveling a certain way.

Post # 28
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

The first year has been very good so far – much better than any part of the our relationship. We had a really difficult engagement so maybe that was our year that was the hardest. Now that weve been married we feel so much more at ease. We were also living together for over 3 years by the time we got married. I would say the 3rd year of our relationship was the hardest because we were new at living with one another and I think we had a harder time adjusting to that.

Post # 29
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ve been married for almost 4 months. So far so good It’s been great! However my father-in-law suddently passed away 2 months after we got married so we had other issues to deal with. Plus that incident made us realize that we shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. 

Post # 30
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Our first year was really hard, but a lot of that was circumstances that came up (disagreeing over what church to join and then a move half-way across the country), but I don’t know if that’s typical. I think it really depends on the person.

In our pre-marriage counseling, we were told that the hardest seasons of marriage are usually in the major transitions (from being single to newly married, then when you have kids, then when you have teenagers, and finally when you have an “empty nest”). Each one has it’s challenges that can test the marriage.

Post # 31
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have only been married for a little over 6 months, but there have been a lot of ups and downs so far. For me, I (we) had the blissful newlywed, post-honeymoon phase for a few months, and then I had a good month or two of freaking out. My husband is in school, and whenever we are stressed we turn on each other, which is a bad habit we’ve been trying to work on. So dealing with his school stress, and trying to talk about where to live (what state) brought on some big fights–huge ones in fact. I even wondered if we had made a mistake getting married, which felt awful. I guess I felt a little trapped in the marriage and afraid of failing.

However, we seem to have turned a corner and now things are just wonderful. I feel so happy to be married to my husband, and just so blessed (though I’m not religious) to have him in my life. I feel more in love than ever. So for me, the first year of marriage so far has been really good, and also somewhat stressful. I am hoping that the really good stuff continues on into eternity, and the stressful stuff abates. I think it’s just a big period of adjustment, even if you have lived together. Keep your head up lady! It sounds like you guys are just stressed out.

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