thank you bees for your support.
I will try to address all of the questions:
we have been together for just over 3 years, living together for 1.5 of them. Our sex life has always been hot then cold. It has never been consistant. This is something that started going on less than a year into our relationship where I really noticed a decline in the frequency. It went from once a week to once every two then three then four and so on. Ive brought it up to him several times, we have fought about it sooo many times. He understands how it makes me feel but he says he just isnt in the mood. He has also told me that I am not the first woman he has been with who had this issue with him. In fact one of them broke up with him because of it.
We have amazing sex when we do. I am fun, I enjoy trying new things we have involved toys, cameras, even having others watch online. So I’m not a prude. He said the other day that he is bored with sex in general and wants to try new things and I told him at this point just having sex would be new. He said he is even bored doing his solo thing. (I know he is still doing that sometimes, like once a week or two)
When we do have sex I am the one who initiates it. every single time. Right before the act often say I missed you, I miss being close to you and he says I miss you too and I can tell he really means it. He says its horrible to him too that he feels like its a curse. I’m beginning to feel like it is a curse too.
We go in these exact cycles time and time again,
1) we will have sex
2) time will pass between having sex again
3) as time passes the anticipation of when we will have sex keeps building and building (not in a good way)
4) it messes both of us performance wise because I don’t want to be rejected again and he feels like its turned into this huge act because we have waited so long
5) I usually end up crying one night because I want to be with him so bad and all he does is reach for my hand, the awkwardness in our bed is epic.
6) Our talking about it only adds more pressure on us to do it. and prologs it even more. He said it makes him want to wait another month (like he is punishing me or something)
so that’s where we are right now, stage 6. This has happened so many times I cant even count them, Bees I cant live like this. We are both hurting. He keeps saying he doesn’t know what to do.
So I’ve contacted a therapist, Hopefully they can give us some tools to overcome this.
Sorry for the long post bees, I just want to save my marriage before it even starts.