(Closed) is the MOG wrong? how do I deal with this?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Have you tried explaining to her that the invitation for the tasting says only parents are allowed? Maybe she just didn’t realize that you weren’t allowed to bring whoever you want!

Post # 5
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m not sure this is worth fighting over. Can you just call and say, “hey, can I bring my Future Sister-In-Law instead of my FFIL?” If they say no, they are the bad guy. If they say yes, bring her along.

Post # 6
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yes, she is wrong. You are going to have to talk to her.  Just say that I know it would be fun if your daughter came, but the invite clearly says its for us and our parents.  I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking the to bend the rules for us. 

This conversation has to be had bc honestly your venue may not even be willing to allow her to come.  

Post # 7
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with monitajb. Call the vendor and see what they say.

Post # 8
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

I am not sure I understand.  Do you not want her daughter to attend, or is the catering facility prohibiting it?

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Call the vendor and ask. They’re offering to feed 6 people, I’m sure they don’t HAVE to be yours and FH’s parents but if you prefer it to be then that’s something you need to deal with with Future Mother-In-Law. She’s not being rude by asking IMO. Being rude would have not been asking and sorting it out herself and you finding out on the day that she was bringing Future Sister-In-Law instead of Future Father-In-Law.

Post # 10
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

What if you don’t have parents? You can’t bring anyone?  That seems silly to me.  Just double check with the venue and who cares if your Future Sister-In-Law comes?

Post # 11
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Yeah, this is one of those “pick your battles” situations. Your Future Mother-In-Law is definitely rude by just inviting whoever she wants, even if they’re a replacement for your Future Father-In-Law. BUT, I don’t think it’s worth fighting over. Just give the venue a call and hope they say only parents. If not, allow your Future Sister-In-Law to come, but ONLY as a replacement for your Future Father-In-Law. If she wants them BOTH to attend, put your foot down and just say the tasting is only for six people.

Post # 12
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with Miss Chapstick.  I wouldn’t raise a stink over this.  Now if she starts trying to include Future Sister-In-Law in other aspects of the wedding planning…then you need to put your foot down.  Just don’t make it a fight/power struggle if you don’t have to, KWIM?

Post # 13
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is the reason you don’t want Future Sister-In-Law to come because you just want the decision to be between you, Fiance, your parents, & his parents?  Or is it for another reason?

Whichever the case, I personally think that your Fiance should be the one telling your mom that only she & his dad (or just she) should come to the tasting.  Fiance needs to take responsibility to dealing with his side of the family – I think it only breeds resentment if the FDIL tells the MOG what to do/not to do & you don’t need that even before your marriage begins.

I think it’s quite fair to insist that only the couple & their parents attend the tasting – especially if these are the contributors to the payment of the wedding.  If Future Sister-In-Law is not contributing, or is too young/immature for the decisions being made at the tasting, then she should not attend.  Additionally, making concessions for the palates of the couple & parents makes sense, not for the Future Sister-In-Law (especially since she gets to have her OWN wedding, why does she need to chime in on yours?). 

Just my two bits…

Post # 14
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think this isn’t that big of a deal. I hope she put it more as a question instead of a statement, that might bother me a little. I completely agree with @ms.puscua though, vendors allow parent to come because they are often times contributors.

I would call you vendor and if they say the really only want parens to come have Fiance tell his mom.

Post # 16
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If this is really important to you (how long does it last? an hour?), then take a stand.

I understand why this is annoying, but I guess I feel that everytime you make a big deal out of something that is annoying but not the end of the world, you lose credibility for the time that it actually IS a big deal. Your ILs will be annoying. It is a law of nature. Do you plan on fighting them every time?

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