(Closed) Is the parents paying tradition dead?

posted 8 years ago in Money
  • poll: Who is paying for your wedding?

    The bride's family

    The groom's family

    A combination of the bride's family and the groom's family

    The bride

    The groom

    The bride and groom

    A combination of the bride and groom and their families

  • Post # 32
    Member
    261 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    When we got engaged I thought it would be Fiance and I paying it all.  My parents shocked me when they said they had some money set aside for it.  They gave me a set amount for us to use as we wanted.  FI and I decided to use it to cover the actual reception and hopefully the flowers and we’re picking up everything else.

    Post # 33
    Member
    519 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My parents were never made of money so I never expected them to pay. They did pay for the caterer, we paid for everything else. His mom had originally promised to give us $3k toward the cost of the wedding but she flaked, as usual. Thank god we didn’t depend on it. I took a second job and we put every penny aside just to afford our little family wedding.

    I wish there was some magical marraige fund that my parents set aside for me, but that didn’t happen. Just like paying for college didn’t happen. My parents have blue collar jobs, 4 kids, and 2 mortgages. Their financial fate is sealed.

    Post # 34
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee

    My parents are paying for half!

    Post # 35
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Im 23 and i have two sisters. My parents are giving me the same amount of money as they did to my sister who got married in Nov.2011. Im assuming they will also give my other sister the same amount. Unfortionatly the area we live in is so exepnsive so the amount of money they are giving us really just covers the ceremony and reception, so i am trying to save for everything else! My Fiance is taking care of the rehersal and honeymoon…hopefully!

    Post # 36
    Member
    11735 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My parents are paying and my FI’s parents are paying for the typical things – rehearsal dinner, personal flowers, etc.  If parents weren’t paying there would be no wedding!

    Post # 37
    Member
    8434 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My groom is paying (I don’t work).  My mom has helped with part of my dress and his mom has helped with some photography, which was super nice of them to offer but we definitely weren’t expecting it.

    Post # 38
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My parents are paying for the bulk of our wedding. They were originally going to cover everything (about 25K), but then their financial situation changed and so my parents and I agreed that they would pay for the big things (venue, catering, dj, florist) and we are paying for the small stuff (hair, hotel rooms, paper goods, gifts, ceremony musicians, license etc.). Should end up being about $19K vs $6K. My FI’s parents are paying for the rehearsal party, but they were very badly affected by Hurricane Sandy and already didn’t have much money, so they didn’t offer and we would never ask. 

    Oh and this definitely comes with a price. They wanted a huge family wedding that we didn’t want, and when I told them that we would just have a small wedding that we could pay for my mother started to cry. So we agreed to have a huge wedding that they would pay for. FI’s family is much bigger and more stressful, and they are more than half the guest list without paying at all.

    We are both 27 but are graduate students (who support ourselves through fellowships and jobs).

    Post # 39
    Member
    5373 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    My parents are paying for the majority, both because they’ve planned on it my whole life (tradition) and because they want to. It’s definitely not the norm in my area though.

    Post # 40
    Member
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    My Fiance is paying for almost everything! He makes 4X what I do!

    My parents are NOT well off, but they bought my dress, which was a pretty big stretch for them! It was a HUGE gesture, all things considered! (~$1800)

    FI’s parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner! They were offering to pay for a TON of stuff, but once we said we only wanted extremely close friends and immediate family/grandparents, they pulled the rest of their offers off the table!

    Now they’re hosting a HUGE, 200+ person party for all their friends/extended family in July “Celebrating the Marriage of one child and the birth of (FSIL’s baby) first grandchild” Ignoring that their other daughter also got married ths year!

    They actually weren’t excited about their grandchild until after she got married! It was AWFUL!

    Post # 41
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My parents are paying most of the costs, but I’m trying to keep the total cost between $3000-$4000.  It seems to be going pretty well! 

    Post # 42
    Member
    3173 posts
    Sugar bee

    In my culture, the grooms family pays for the bride (yeah, like buys her) and then the bride’s family uses that money to pay for the wedding which is really just a family get together.

    We are not doing that so my parents are paying for 0% of our wedding. Fiance and I are paying for about 20% of it and his parents are paying for the rest because they wanted to have a wedding.

    I think it’s always a good idea to just assume that your parents won’t be paying and if they are, count it as a blessing and a bonus. It’s better to be prepared than to be completely surprised.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Well I was 44 when I got married so it would be ridiculous for me to expect my 73 year old mother to pay one cent toward my wedding.  LOL 

    Seriously though…in a struggling economy where inflation doesn’t slow while salary increases do…where healthcare costs more and more and those costs are trickled down to us.  In a society where the the median age of brides/grooms has increased steadily over the years there is no reason why they can’t pay part, if not all, of the wedding costs themselves.  People are living longer and our parents need more and more to live on through retirement.  So many people already don’t/aren’t able save enough for retirement and if they give up $30K just so their daughter can have the wedding of her dreams…welll that’s a lot to ask.

    I’m not knocking large and/or expensive weddings if you can afford it but asking already cash-strapped parents to pay for it is a little selfish in my book espcially if you’re already established (have a career, home, kids, etc.).  It’s not 1958 anymore.

    Post # 44
    Member
    3274 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    My parents are paying for everything. When the bride is young, living at home, in school, etc it is typically still the tradition that the bride’s parents pay. If the bride is living on her own/with FH or is remarrying they typically the couple pays. Groom’s parents still typically pay for rehearsal dinner and occasionally the bar bill in most areas. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    88 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I paid for my entire schooling through work and loans. It was okay, but it was a lot of hard work. I had 75 to 80 hour school/work weeks for 8 years, and three jobs in the summers. Not much of a life.

     

    My parents had their wedding paid for by my mom’s family, but things have changed. My parents take pride in their children doing things by themselves, which is frustrating at times as they did not follow the practice for their own life-they accepted lots of money at times, and emptied our trust funds (set up by a relative) to pay for a car. However, I feel extremely self sufficient, and that is a great feeling. My mother paid for my wedding dress as a surprise, and that was a fantastic gift. It’s not so bad. 

     

    I have now been raised as a totally independently functioning gal, and I know that I want something similar but different for my children. I will never pay their full way for anything because I don’t believe in it either, but I like the idea of matching what they put into things dollar for dollar. I hope we will be financially stable enough to do this someday for their school and their weddings. 

     

     

    Post # 46
    Member
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Both out our families are giving us a monetary ‘wedding gift’ too. We can put it towards whatever we want so if we want an expensive wedding then we could use the money for that. I’m not blowing it all in one day so we will just use a small portion for the wedding and the rest for a house. We are very lucky 🙂 Both sides of our families have done this for their kids and many of my friends have the same thing. I will do this for our kids too if possible. 

     

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