(Closed) Is the spouse of someone in your wedding party still supposed to “gift”?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MsDandelion: What do you mean? Like is she SUPPOSED to spend however much she thinks she is costing at the wedding on a gift for you? In short, no. I would not EXPECT her to pay anything just because she is the SO of one of your groomsmen. I wouldnt expect anything from my bridal party + their guests since they forked over $$$ for the day already. 

Post # 4
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@MsDandelion: Not sure I understand this correctly. Generally, someone in the wedding party should still give a present, anyway, and if they have a spouse, they would just go in on the gift together.

ETA: I don’t like the idea of “covering a plate” in the form of a gift, anyway. I personally don’t think that the monetary value of a gift should double if anyone is invited to bring a guest.

Post # 5
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Generally, it’s sort of a couples thing. So if you tell your bridal party to not get you a gift, then they would be included. If you don’t, then it’s sort of up in the air. They definitely won’t get you a separate gift from the spouse, though. 

Post # 7
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

When my Fiance was a groomsmen, we gave a joint gift from the both of us.

Post # 8
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I will be requesting that those in the wedding party do not give us any gifts, because they’re buying their own dresses and the men buying suits/renting tuxes. I don’t expect their SOs to give us anything either.

If you don’t request no gifts, I would assume that in your situation, the couple would go in on a gift together, though they might give you and item rather than cash. They might also choose not to bring a gift depending on how much they are spending on you (bachelor party, engagement party, attire, accessories, transportation and accomodation, etc.) which I think is perfectly acceptable as well.

Post # 9
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MsDandelion: When Fiance was in a family wedding; I was not in the wedding nor did I give them a gift. I offered to drive a few relatives to and from the wedding site. As well as help break down the entire dinner hall afterward (with some help). I figure that is perfectly acceptable. They also knew we were financially strapped at the time. 

When I was in a family wedding and Fiance was attending as a guest he did not gift either. He drove a van full of family members to and from the ceremony site as well as help clean up afterward. 

In my experience if your significant other is in a wedding and you are also attending it. You will more than likely stay later than most guests. Might as well help organize gifts; extra wedding favors; etc. Instead of just standing around and watching everyone else help. It also helps to ease the minds of the bride/groom in knowing that there are a few people that they know/trust helping with gifts and late night clean up (to make sure nothing is misplaced or thrown away by accident). 

 

Post # 10
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think that it is common for wedding party members to each give a gift to the couple but I sort of don’t understand why this is as they are already spending enough as it is, y’know?

As for couples vs. singles attending a wedding, although there is no written rule about it, as far as I know, I think it is proper for a couple to give a more expensive gift than a single person because there are two of them. OF COURSE, if the couple can’t afford such a gift then that is more than fine but if they can they should.

For example, if a person spends $50 on a wedding gift normally but is allowed to bring their significant other I think it is nice if the couple gives a $100 gift.

Post # 11
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MsDandelion:my fi was best man at our friends wedding i still brought a gift from us both, although it was in no way enough to cover the cost of our plates, 

i think it depends on whether the party member has had to fork out a lot of money before the wedding, like on there own attire, in that case i would not expect anything. 

but a thing to remember is most people these days live with their spouse so usually they’d buy together, 

for instance i have a family of 8 attending my wedding to expect a gift of over £200 would be ridiculos in my mind, afterall they still have 6 kids to look after. 

i think the best way to approach this would just to be, wait and see what the day brings. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Even tho you read time and again that some brides never expect their bridal parties to give them a gift after incurring so many expenses just to be in the wedding, that same line of thought would hold true about all other guests as well if you think about it. If that was the case, no one would ever give a wedding gift, as guests give shower gifts, buy outfits, travel,etc.

I have never heard of anyone in the Bridal Party not giving a gift, except on this site. Can you ‘expect’ anything with regard to wedding gifts anymore? Probably not, since it seems to be becoming more common than ever that people are skipping giving them for whatever reason. Hope you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

Post # 13
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I never thought about this but I can say, all of the bridal party who gifted together with a partner gifted more than those who gifted as a single. Did everyone cover their plate? As a whole, our gifts would have covered the cost of catering but not cake, bar costs if you are thinking you are going to be able to pay for your wedding based on gifts, I would strongly reconsider your budget unless you know you have very generous guests.

Post # 14
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Everyone in our bridal party gave us gifts, which was a pleasant surprise.  We certainly didn’t expect them to because they all had travel expenses (although we did pay for their dresses or tuxes).

 

I think the etiquette is that if you attend a wedding, you should bring a gift, even if it is small, as a kind gesture.  However, as the bridal couple, you are not supposed to expect gifts, which allow makes gifting a kind gesture and not an expectation.  

Post # 15
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ItWasntMe: I have to disgree… most guests don’t buy an outfit specifically for one wedding, and never wear it again. They either wear something they have, or buy something they can wear again, unlike the wedding party. Also, I doubt any of my guests would spend $200 on an outfit like my BMs are.

If a guest gave a shower gift I wouldn’t be offended if they didn’t give me a wedding gift, although I know some people do both. I know some couples expect both but honestly, in this economy, I know it’s difficult for some people and I wouldn’t mind at all.

As far as travel… for me personally, most of my guests won’t be traveling far, and almost none far enough to stay overnight at a hotel. Might be different for other couples, but honestly I think the wedding party is a lot more financially invested and puts more effort into the wedding than any of my other guests.

Post # 16
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I guess I don’t really understand the question? “Should” they give you a gift? I don’t know? It’s not a requirement, but most people do give a gift when they attend a wedding.

When I was a bridesmaid Fiance and I gave a combined gift from the both of us. 

 

The topic ‘Is the spouse of someone in your wedding party still supposed to “gift”?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors