(Closed) Is the wedding really your day?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Which best describes your feelings

    My wedding is MY day, I have dreamed about this.

    It's our wedding, what FI and I say are final, and no one else matters

    The wedding is a shared day for loved ones. We will heavily consider our family & guest opinions

    The wedding in not about you, accommodate your guests if you want them there

  • Post # 17
    Member
    3318 posts
    Sugar bee

    @BrideofGroomzilla  My rule “If you don’t pay, you don’t get a say”. 


    I do agree with this, but that doesn’t mean that your guests won’t think you’re a rude asshole, if you do something impolite.  (Im not saying you are, I don’t know anything about you).

    When you invite guests to your wedding you have to ensure that their comfort is taken into account.  If you don’t want to think about anyone but yourself, you can always have a private ceremony and reception.

    It may also help you to switch your perspective, from that you are doing them some sort of a favour by inviting them, to the reality that they are doing your the honour by chosing to take time from their busy lives to come and celebrate with you. 

     

    Post # 18
    Member
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I voted 2nd option – it is OUR day and ultimately our opinions are the only ones that matter. However, at the same time, we are hosting an event and need to take into consideration our guests needs and how to make them feel comfortable (within reason). 

    Post # 19
    Member
    9541 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I voted “our” day. We paid for the wedding ourselves. We made all of the decisions. But we had it in my dad’s backyard. So I did consult him on a lot of the logistics. We agreed about most things so it wasn’t a big deal. On the other hand, my grandmother was convinced that if we had any candles we would burn down the tent, the house, the neighborhood and possibly the entire state. We told her we’d be careful. And we had candles. So it depends on the point. We only had 1 person ask for an additional invite for a new boyfriend, which we gave. The only thing that I ended up doing “for the family” was having a seating of the parents/grandparents. Dad got pissy when I talked about cutting that and I didn’t really care that much. At the time I was upset, but by the time the wedding rolled around I couldn’t have cared less. That’s really about it as far as things I wasn’t planning to do, but ended up doing because other people wanted it. And (other than my grandmother) nobody really had problems with the way we did things. That being said, celebrating with our friends and family was our top priority, so we knew we wanted all those things that make guests comfortable.

    Post # 20
    Member
    8437 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I voted for the less popular option, but I feel that the bride and groom should be good hosts before anything else, regardless of who pays for the wedding (we paid for our own).  In the end, no I don’t think the wedding is all about me, I think it’s a party and I want my guests to have a good time.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1299 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I voted for option number 2.  My parents get a bit of a say because they are paying, but ultimately the day needs to reflect me and my Fiance and this important step in our lives together.  Of course I want me guests to have a great time and will take their needs and suggestions into consideration, but Fiance and I ultimately have the final say. For example, I do not care how many times someone suggest I “at least serve fish,” the wedding will be vegan. But one of my good friends is gluten-free, so of course I’ll have a dinner option for her and make sure at least 1 or 2 of the cocktail hour options are gf, even though I looove carbs.

    Post # 22
    Member
    7528 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    You’re hosting. if you invited people to your house for dinner, you’d never dream of not wanting to feed them nice food that they’d enjoy, entertain them (even if it’s just TV) and make them comfortable. A wedding is no different. If you cannot plan your wedding with that simple rule of good manners in mind then perhaps eloping would be more enjoyable.

    Post # 24
    Member
    214 posts
    Helper bee

    It’s our day.  Me and Fiance.  Everyone else is invited to help us celebrate and I’ll do my best to make them able to enjoy it and be comfortable but it’s really not about THEM at all.  If they don’t like X, Y, or Z then they just don’t have to come if that’s more important to them than we are.

    Oh, and I don’t care who gives us money.  The decisions are up to me and Fiance.  Give us money out of the goodness of your heart, or GTFO and take your money with you.

    Post # 25
    Member
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    there are two sides to this coin IMO: 1.) anyone who is invited to a wedding should feel blessed that the couple thought of them when they were making the guest list. It’s a special day, and for most couples invitations are a finite ressource. 2.) hosting in general, also a wedding, is about making your guests comfortable and happy. If a couple wanted a wedding was solely about those TWO people I’d suggest them they elope. A wedding is a statement that you want to share it with your friends and family and so of course it’s about them too.

    But: whoever pays gets to decide unless money are gifted. It’d be a circus if you’d have to take everyones opinion into consideration. You do the best to create a lovely evening/day for your guests, you’re not running a hotel.

    Post # 26
    Member
    1604 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would say its our day and we will consider guests, especially VIP guests desires.  That being said, for every guest who wants to bring a kid, there will be people who want an adult only wedding.  For every guest who wants hard liquor, there are others who think wine is vine.   Now if it comes down to VIP guests NEEDS, like wheelchair accomodation,  kosher food, we will accomodate it.   But we get to decide what are needs and what are wants.

    Post # 27
    Member
    567 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    On the one hand…If you want it to be only about you and Fiance, then elope. If you want loved ones there, you should consider their desires. They are there to share the moment with you. A wedding is not a performance. It’s not a birthday party. It’s not a “look at me I am the most important person in the world” party. It’s a shared experience. If you want them there, it should be because you want to include them in a really important day for you, and you should want them comfortable and accomodated.

    On the other hand…I don’t see why someone who’s not paying for it should get a say in things that don’t have anything to do with guests feeling comfortable or welcome. Things like colors or decorations, little details that won’t affect anyone else – those should be up to you and/or whoever is paying for it. And ceremonial things that are very meaningful to your marriage – things like whether to get married in a church, what kind of vows to say, etc. – those should be decided by only the couple because those things have everything to do with you two and nothing to do with other people.

    So, I vote shared, but I think it depends what and who we’re talking about.

    Post # 28
    Member
    73 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @excitedtobeMRSF  +1

    I voted that is is OUR day, however Fiance and I are taking our guests comfort into account in our decisions. That being said, if we want chocolate cake, we will have chocolate cake. I’m not going to poll the guests to see what they would prefer Tongue Out

    Post # 29
    Member
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    We heavily took our guests into account, but we also didn’t have any guests with crazy requests! (Aside from VERY specific dietary ones, and you can’t blame someone for being Celiac or vegan!)

    Post # 30
    Member
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @BrideofGroomzilla  Hmm…I think a combination of 4. The wedding is mostly about FH and me as a couple and our love for each other. What we say is final and it is our day. But we’re also celebrating the love we have for our families and friends because they’re the people who made the love we have for each other possible. Their comfort and enjoyment of the day is more important than, say, my desire to only have 10 chairs at the reception for 80 guests. But a few people’s unreasonable demands or personal opinions about aesthetics are not more important than my enjoyment of my wedding day. I always tell other bees that your wedding day is you and your FH’s, but once you get other people involved it ceases to be 100% about your wants and needs.  

    Post # 31
    Member
    3400 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    The wedding was my husband & I’s day, end of story.

    Because we cared about our guests, we cared about their comfort etc.. but we didn’t let anybody’s opinions get in the way of what we wanted.

    I think people try to please the guests a little too much. They are there in support of YOU, not the other way around.

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