(Closed) Is the wedding really your day?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Which best describes your feelings

    My wedding is MY day, I have dreamed about this.

    It's our wedding, what FI and I say are final, and no one else matters

    The wedding is a shared day for loved ones. We will heavily consider our family & guest opinions

    The wedding in not about you, accommodate your guests if you want them there

  • Post # 47
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @HeartsandSparkles:  It is a privilege to be invited to the White House.  It isn’t a privilege to be invited to a wedding.  You invite people because you want to share your day with them, and would like them to be witnesses to one of the most important moments of your life.  Frankly I feel privileged that people are willing to spend time, money and energy to come to my wedding – not vice-versa.

    Post # 48
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @BrideofGroomzilla:  You said:

    Sometimes I long for the days where the wedding was at the church and the reception was in fellowship hall with cake, peanuts, those pink/green mints and the sludgy green punch ( sherbert and gingerale). That reminds me of genuine celebration and community.”

    You can still do that!  FI and I are likely going to have a morning ceremony followed by light refreshments in the fellowship hall, and then will have an evening backyard BBQ a few hours later.  

    Post # 49
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Our wedding is about us, no one else. We will accomodate guests that we WANT to be there, but not to extremes.

    No one has to attend a wedding. I do think that if you plan a wedding, say a destination wedding, and you expect people who don’t have the funds to travel to pick up the tab to be there, then you (general you) are being entitled and unrealistic. If I wanted a person to be there that couldn’t afford it, I’d pick up the tab, because NO ONE is obligated to do A SINGLE THING for my wedding.

    I suppose I’m lucky in that both our families could not care less about a wedding and wouldn’t be the least bit upset if we just went to the courthouse. We don’t want to do that, so we are having a very small private ceremony with parents and grandparents ONLY. If our friends feel snubbed, oh well. IT’S NOT THEIR DAY!

    Post # 50
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @BrideofGroomzilla:  

    That’s my rule too. I had the unfortunate experience of having a VERY controlling mother, who tried to control our wedding with money. To get away from her and her rude comments about our ideas, we eloped. She learned her lesson and is very quiet about our vow renewal. 

    A wedding is primarily about the bride and groom, as well as joining two families. It should reflect the wishes of the couple who is marrying. 

    Parents can have ideas and opinions, but they must be delivered in a respectful manner. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I voted for the second option – it’s OUR day. The day is about a marriage, not making sure that FI’s cousin likes the damn flowers and my dad’s drinking buddy gets an open bar. While SO and I have already compromised by choosing not to elope and have a family wedding (we’d both rather leave, but our families are wonderful and deserve to celebrate with us), our wedding will be done how we like it. We will choose food that suits our budget and our tastes. The venue will be one that suits us as a couple. +1s won’t be an option for the vast majority of people invited, as SO and I do not have the budget to support that. There won’t be a lot of alcohol because I don’t drink much and SO is a recovering alcoholic. There will be good music to dance to and our closest friends and family will be there to celebrate our marriage.

     

    If anybody’s got a problem with that, they can opt out of joining us in the celebration.

     

    Post # 52
    Member
    2831 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Yes it’s my day, it’s also my FI’s day. It is also my parents day too!… They are paying and inviting their friends because they want to throw a nice fun party to share with everyone.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I voted it is a shared day – if we really wanted to only consider the two of us, we would have eloped. 

    We’re planning it in a way that will make it an enjoyable time for our friends and families travelling to celebrate with us. It has been such a positive, rewarding experience so far. I can’t wait to have everyone together for the first time!

    Of course, we don’t have any family drama or ridiculous parent situations, everyone is just happy and excited so it’s probably easy to want to consider their feelings.

    Post # 54
    Member
    303 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @BrideofGroomzilla:  I’m not very deep into my wedding planning just yet – at least not at the point where our guests know too much about how and what we are planning. We are trying to keep a very balanced perspective as we choose the elements of the day – we want a beautiful wedding day that incorporates all of the touches that we like, and we want out guests to enjoy a fabulous party. That said, our wedding will be adults-only with only vegetarian meal options. Maybe we’re in for some criticism and judgement, but I agree with you – guests are ‘getting’ a lot when they attend a wedding.  Hopefully everyone will keep the true meaning of the day in mind when they have to make the stressful decision between butternut squash ravioli and mushroom risotto… 🙂

    Post # 55
    Member
    3339 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    I voted it’s MY day because  I think my wedding was more important to me than it was to anyone else, DH included.  Although I do agree it’s a big deal for both people getting married and their family and friends, and obviously you should take your guests’ comfort into consideration when planning.  But at the end of the day, my DH couldn’t care less about the details of how we got married.  It was up to me to create the wedding of my dreams.  Then we got to share in it together.  🙂

    Post # 56
    Member
    52 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I voted it’s my Fiance and I’s day. We’re paying for the wedding ourselves.

    That said, I think we’ve been more than accommodating for our guests. I’ve sacrificed some things I initially wanted (florist bouquets vs. DIYing, an expensive dress vs. a sample off-the-rack, etc.) for things to make life easier for my guests (shuttle between the hotel and ceremony/reception, on-site babysitting). I’m happy to do those things because I appreciate people taking time out of their schedules to celebrate the start of our marriage.

    If someone were to complain to me about food (I’m talking about picky eaters not people with dietery restrictions or allergies), decor, wedding color, etc., I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them their opinion is unwelcome and rude. You can’t please everyone!

    Post # 57
    Member
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I agree with you on most of these subjects I do think that the requests of people when you are having a wedding are over the top. I think providing a good free meal, a dj, and maybe a drink or 2 is just fine and not too over the top. I do however think that me getting bashed by family members because we cannot afford to have an open bar for more than 1 hour is absurd. 

    Post # 58
    Member
    1953 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I went with option two. It was our wedding. We did what we wanted to. None of this “why don’t you do this” or “try this it’ll be better” or “why wasn’t uncle Joe’s new girlfriend invited”. We did of course, accommodate for hubby’s sister, who has severe food allergies. We accommodated for other things, but by the end of it, everything was solely our decision. We paid for it so we had it our way.

    Post # 59
    Member
    2449 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @BrideofGroomzilla:  I think it’s a balance of the two. Obviously one needs to provide guests with a comfortable atmosphere. I think guests should be taken into account as far as meal options and acommodations and the like. I do think that most things, such as decorations, should be solely up to the bride and groom, though. 

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