(Closed) Is there a good way to word this??

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Can I let people know wedding is open invitation, but we only expect/hope guests will make the AHR?

    There is no polite way to do this, and I think the general idea isn't great because...

    It's a good idea, but there is no polite way to say this.

    It's a good idea, and think you could word it/announce it like this....

    It's an amazing idea. We/someone we know did that, when...

  • Post # 2
    1183 posts
    Bumble bee

     The idea of a big reception when you get back sounds lovely. 

    BUT if you’re inviting people out to FL for your wedding you should be prepared that they’d all come and you’d need to have something fixed to host them all. Avoid assuming your smaller wedding will be small just because it involved travel. If you have big families then families may well travel and that’ll throw your plans and budget right out 

    Post # 4
    159 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    just don’t invite them – you can have a drinks celebration when you get home for your friends. for the destination wedding, just do you and your family. it eliminates the confusion and stress of having to plan around people who may or maynot be coming.. 

    Post # 5
    47419 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    cantwaittobeemarried :  If the flight is short and relatively inexpensive, more people will come, so be prepared. It is fine not to have a dancing type reception. You can host them at a lovely dinner for less, either booking a private room at a restaurant or booking out an entire restaurant depending on numbers.

    It is also fine to host an at home reception a few weeks later. Don’t kid yourself though. Even though you say gifts are not expected (never put that in writing, by the way), many of your guests will bring gifts. It’s just what is done.

    Post # 6
    614 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    The way I’ve seen it put here is, an invitation isn’t a summons. That is to say, your invitation itself carries the option to decline, you don’t need to tell people explicitly. Maybe just include a mention somewhere that there will be this other reception too.

    Post # 7
    6798 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    View original reply
    cantwaittobeemarried :  The right way to do this is pick a small guest list to invite to your destination wedding.  Have it, feed them and enjoy.  Then have a “meet the couple” bbq at a later date – I’d say at least a month later so it’s clear this is not a wedding, it’s not a reception, it’s just a party to have fun with the happy couple so there are no awkward expectations on guests.

    We did something similar.  If I still lived near ‘home’ there are many old family friends I’d have invited to my wedding – people who are good friend with my parents and saw me grow up.  It wasn’t practical to have my wedding there and I’d have felt horribly guilty asking them to travel so far for me.  So half a year later, when I was home for the winter holidays, my parents threw a house party for their friends which my husband and I could attend.  They got to meet him and congratulate us, etc, but mostly it was just hanging out and chatter with very little association with our actual wedding.

    Post # 8
    502 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    My cousin and her husband did something similar to save money, but they did not invite everyone to the destination. They got married ALONE (no family or even parents present) on the beach in Hawaii. They had a video made and then took their 2 week honeymoon. When they came back home, they had a backyard reception with the whole family and shared the ceremony video.

    I think your idea works in some ways, but you cannot send out invitations to everyone ASSUMING that they wont want to come. What if 100% of the people you invite do want to travel to your destination? 

    Post # 9
    3323 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Why dont you just have a bbq wedding and host everyone with that? If its good enough for your ‘at home’ guests why isnt good enough for all your guests?

    Post # 10
    4496 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    You can totally do this, but don’t leave the invitation to the wedding open to anyone who can make it, if you need your numbers to be small — because people might surprise you and show up. 

    Just invite the number of people you can afford to the wedding in Florida. Call it a wedding — regular wedding invitation, all that. 

    Then send a separate invitation to everyone you want to invite to the BBQ. Call it a party celebrating your marriage, and write “no gifts” on the invitation (I know etiquette sticklers balk at the “no gifts” thing, but I have no problem with it).

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