Post # 1
that it’s an intimate wedding and please don’t additional guests? Long term significant others are okay but please don’t just bring a date for the heck of it…
LOL Is there a way to word it where it won’t be offensive and that we’re serious about our headcount? My reception costs will increase by $4K if I’m over by one guest so I’m trying to find a way to word this…. plus, where would I include this info?
Post # 3
If it is an intimate wedding, I assume you know which guests have long term significant others and who they are? In that case, you include the SO’s name on the invitation for those who have them, and do not include "and guest" on any of the invitations.
No matter what you do, some guests may try to bring guests. Some people try to avoid this by having RSVP cards or RSVP Web sites that do not allow accepting for more than the people who have been invited. For example, your RSVP card for one person might say,
Ms. Jane Smith ___ will attend __ will not attend
For two people, it might say:
Mr. John Doe ___ will attend ___ will not attend
Ms. Jane Doe ___ will attend ___ will not attend.
That way, there is no way for Jane Smith to RSVP for more than one person.
Ultimately, though, you’ll need to be prepared to say no to those who try to RSVP for more people than have been invited. If Jane Smith sends an RSVP for two people, you need to call her and say, "I’m sorry, but this is an intimate wedding, and we cannot accommodate additional guests." Rest assured that if one person was invited and she RSVPed for two, she is the one committing the etiquette violation, not you.
Post # 4
I read the following suggestion on this post…however I can’t remember who to credit! I’m having the same issue and I’m using the following:
"We have reserved ____ seats in your honour."
___ Accept with pleasure
___ Decline with regret
Hope this helps!
Post # 5
we did it through word of mouth. most of our friends knew it was a small wedding. friends who aren’t seriously seeing anyone are coming solo. the invites were addressed strictly to mr x or ms. x – no reference to guests at all.
Post # 6
I like the suggestion above listing the persons’ names on the RSVP. That leaves no room for confusion. I’ve seen RSVPs where couples leave a space for the number of people RSVP-ing and have heard one story where one invited couple RSVP-d for 8 people!! Can you imagine!? The bride didn’t even know who was coming!
I think that the etiquette is that if you are not listed on the invite, you are not invited. People do tend to think that their partners are invited and so like 2dBride suggests, even having the most laid out RSVP will not ensure you do not receive any enquiries.
Post # 7
For us it sufficed to list either Jane Eyre or Jane Eyre and Guest on the outer envelope. (We didnt do an inner). But if you are extra concerned (and have the extra time) I like the listing the names on the rsvp.
Post # 8
I second (or third?) the idea of Jane Smith __ will attend ___ will not attend.
Don’t leave any room for guests to add a guest, although I’m sure there will still be someone who will try. Like my cousin. She brings a new bf to every family event and she asked me “Can I bring NewBF?” I was like, uhh errr its a small wedding… it was so awkward. She asked again last weekend and I said “If you’re still together.” Mean, but now I know she won’t ask for awhile. lol
I can’t stand it when people try to invite themselves, or others, to an event.
Post # 9
RecessionistaBride and others…can you clear something up for me?
If you do the Jane Smith __ will attend __ will not attend option, how do you have your RSVP cards printed if they are not all uniform? Or do you have to make them yourself? To me, it seems like a good solution, but have no idea how to go about it.
Post # 10
Even if you have them professionally printed you can do the “specific name” will/wont attend option. Just have a spreadsheet with the names you want on there and that way you can tell the print shop it is variable data.
My favorite is the we have reserved x seats in your honor, because you can just write in the # and be done with it. That way singles with no long term SO know that they’re invited without guest, but you’re not having to put tons of names on RSVPs.